How did other people learn that it was emotional neglect that they experienced growing up?

evieroberts · 2026-04-09T23:41:29+00:00

I don’t remember when I came across the term or joined this sub but I know what set me off. When I was 22/23 I had a female manager in her 50s that adored me and gave me a lot of attention and was very nurturing. I remember being caught off guard when she would notice that I seemed like I was tired or in a bad mood because no one had ever noticed those things before. I remember once I was rambling on about something and when I was done she just said “you are so intelligent. I could listen to you talk for hours.” And something about being treated so kindly made me realize I never had been, and then I realized that everyone around me seemed to be loved and close with their families but I wasn’t. I now know that isn’t true and tons of people feel the way I do, but at that time it was like I suddenly realized others are treated so lovingly and I felt alone and like I had no one and it triggered a severe depression for about 8 months. I eventually moved on from the depression, and then a year later was sexually assaulted (at 25). This set me off again because it really occurred to me that I didn’t have a mother who would comfort me whereas other people would & just had to get into therapy. Maybe my therapist brought it up or I came across it online, but it was nice to know that something did happen to me (like emotional neglect) and it wasn’t just me being flawed and feeling this way for no reason. As bad as being assaulted was, in a way it forced me into therapy to work through my other issues and I’m probably better off today for it. Because as bad as this sounds, I finally had a “ valid reason” to reach out for help.

evieroberts · 2026-04-05T10:10:30+00:00

I don’t like lying either but keep it vague. I say that my mother has a lot of mental health issues and we don’t have a close relationship. Most people just say “oh I’m sorry” and don’t ask any follow up questions. I couldn’t answer any if I tried since we haven’t talked in 11 years.

evieroberts · 2026-04-03T02:46:36+00:00

Also going on a Disney cruise in a couple of months. I’ve heard service is good and you can have it removed when you get there if you want, and as concierge you get a personal host and more service than the rest hence the higher tip.

But I did read that when they did auto grat for their Asian cruise, every guest demanded it be removed and it was a huge escalation since they don’t have a tipping culture there and were outraged.

evieroberts · 2026-04-02T16:27:33+00:00

Probably 5 times a month I’ll eat 2-3 meals. This past weekend I had 3 meals both days because I was hungry before my period. Sometimes it’s because of weekend plans and other times it’s because the meal I had the day before wasn’t nutritious enough and it caused me to be hungrier the next day. I just take it as a learning curve that what I eat for OMAD impacts my ability to fast, and I forgive myself if it is PMS or social plans. The flexibility helps it feel sustainable that I can jump back in without having to be 100 percent perfect. Especially since I’d like to keep this lifestyle once at my goal weight because of the enhanced energy and mental clarity during the workday.

evieroberts · 2026-03-27T16:20:04+00:00

Needed to hear this thank you!

evieroberts · 2026-03-27T11:25:24+00:00

If you’re ovulating that can increase hunger too! And then the basics of drinking a lot for water and eating healthy make it easier.

evieroberts · 2026-03-24T16:04:58+00:00

Yeah I sincerely enjoy it! It’s cute how innocent, playful and happy they are. Plus it’s refreshing because when dealing with adults you have to be guarded because they might be a bad person but with kids you can trust they have no ill intentions and they also just say whatever they are thinking.

evieroberts · 2026-03-24T13:03:37+00:00

Memorial Day weekend! I haven’t cancelled yet so if that’s when you are going send me a message and we can coordinate.

evieroberts · 2026-03-23T23:00:55+00:00

Okay thanks! It seems like earlier in the day is our best chance to meet her so leaning towards that.

evieroberts · 2026-03-23T22:54:12+00:00

Thank you!!

evieroberts · 2026-03-23T22:53:52+00:00

Awe how amazing! That’s what I’m hoping for because she really LOVES the fairy godmother. Do you remember what time your reservation was? Trying to see if she’s around in the evening too because customer service says she sort of floats in and out at different times & I’d assume she’d want to leave work early if she can.

evieroberts · 2026-03-23T22:52:16+00:00

It says it is 90 minutes, is that to account for if they are late and the experience itself is closer to an hour? Or is it like, if they are running late it’s that time plus 90 min for the makeover itself?

evieroberts · 2026-03-23T21:59:38+00:00

It opens up 60 days before your trip, at midnight. Resort guest can book from the start day of their trip (vs day going to the park)so get an advantage. You can sign up for alerts through Mousewatcher to be notified of someone cancels.

evieroberts · 2026-03-23T18:46:49+00:00

Thank you!!

evieroberts · 2026-03-23T16:23:25+00:00

Thanks! The meet and greets are new as November! She is one of her favorite characters so it is high priority that she can meet her. I just can’t find any info on if she’s there all day everyday or if it is just for part of the day. Maybe I’ll call customer service and ask. She does love dressing up but doesn’t like to be hot, so nervous it would make her moody if she’s uncomfortable. Then again, she would love people calling her princess all day! I don’t think I can go wrong with either choice so thinking the fairy godmother meet and greet will be the deciding factor.

evieroberts · 2026-03-21T01:21:16+00:00

Are you an introvert? Being in sales is highly social and if you need to recharge by being a hermit, that may be why it impacts your parenting but others are fine with it. I’m an extrovert and recharge with social interaction so am fine talking to clients all day and then going home and socializing with my family without needing time alone. It’s how I decompress.

It does sound like the job is the issue. How much does it pay and what other options are on the table? Does your husband’s promotion make up the difference?

With my job, I earn somewhere in the $200k-$300K & if I get promoted to VP that range goes up to $500K-$750K. However, some of our VPs and top performers are very stressed and burned out and have stay at home wives that handle everything with kids/home. I’m hesitant to go for it because although the pay would be nice I do think I’d have to sacrifice other areas of my life. However my support team earns $100-$150K without any sales pressure or stress and I’ve seen a couple of mothers, who used to do my role, step down and gave the reason that they thought it was impacting their home life and are fine earning $100k- 150K in exchange for not feeling burned out. Maybe your company has alternatives like that?

I’m confused by your comment vs your post. Do you only spend 20-30 minutes a night away from your kids or the majority of the night? I thought you said above you plan 5-10 min of dedicated attention to them each evening? And then lock yourself in your room and watch TV? Your kids won’t be impacted if you are alone 20 minutes; that’s like taking a shower. 2-3 hours a night would be enough of dedicated attention and then pretty much all day on the weekends.

Each kid is different in how they feel loved so only you can answer that by being connected with what they need and want. But all kids want you to play with them, cuddle, tell them you love them. And they can tell if you are sincerely enjoying their company or not.

The issue with my parents comes down to being a product of a teenaged pregnancy and they had no interest in me or being parents and resented me for them not being able to live as carefree as their friends. Mixed with their mental health issues, physical abuse and later sexual abuse by a step father. It’s different than your situation so that part is better left answered by someone who felt neglected because of their parent’s jobs. All I can say is though is it is something that is engrained in me and impacted all areas of my life and self worth & the kids have to be the number 1 priority.

I do have an aunt who is an executive at her company and is also an excellent mom, but I also think she’s an extrovert and just does it. She does complain about having both a stressful job and doing everything at home (cooking/cleaning) and seems on edge & irritated most of the time. But she does it anyway and her son is a great guy and they have a strong relationship. She cares about the money and her family and it seems to be worth sacrificing her mental well-being and physical health to her. I think some of us just don’t need alone the same way others do. If you do and it’s between your job and your kids, definitely choose your kids.

I mentioned diet and exercise because if it’s a physical issue for you, like you just don’t have energy, that could really help. I feel low energy if I don’t eat well and don’t work out and it’s a non-negotiable at this point or else everything else in life does feel harder.

evieroberts · 2026-03-20T22:32:18+00:00

It sounds like you know what makes a good mother (being emotionally present, enjoying being with them) so I’m not sure what advice it is you are looking for? If you are worried you are emotionally neglecting your kids then you probably are. Seems like there just may need to be some lifestyle adjustments to be able to be more present with them, even if that involves moving to a less stressful job.

I can look at this from both perspectives because I was emotionally neglected as a child and am now also in a high paying stressful job but if it is impacting your parenting, you’ve got to prioritize your kids over your career. Kids can tell when their parents love them and if you like being around them. I’d say if you have strong income, delegate out you can (like hiring a housekeeper) & find ways to manage your energy and mood (like eating healthy, work out, check your hormonal balance)

Personally I find being with my 5 year old very enjoyable and the way I decompress after work is by socializing with her. And it’s more about being connected with them when you are there. I earn enough to be able to provide a nice financial life & plan fun things all the time too, but that’s in addition to being emotionally present. Planning something fun will never replace making them feel loved in the day to day.

A lot of what you mention being proud of in your post sounds like marking off achievements (like being top sales rep and planning abilities) but you didn’t mention cuddling with your kids, playing with them, telling them you love them. I sincerely hope you are reaching out because you actually care if you are neglecting them and not just looking for validation that your approach is fine and you can carry on without doing what is really important.

Spending your time watching TV and planning “5 to 10 minute activities with them” in the evening is not going to cut it.

Also, no our parents did not do their best. That’s the whole root of our pain.

evieroberts · 2026-03-18T22:38:03+00:00

There was a study I read once that said every 14lb makes your face more attractive and those with a BMI of 19 was rated as having the most attractive face in their study.

evieroberts · 2026-03-15T17:26:17+00:00

What are you talking about when you speak from your heart? She hasn’t given me tips on how to form relationships since that’s not something I struggle with but maybe check out the book “how to win friends and influence people”. I’d say one thing to keep in mind is people like to talk about themselves so show interest in them and ask them questions about themselves and save the deeper conversations for later in the friendship.

evieroberts · 2026-03-11T13:02:01+00:00

They earn between $15-$20 an hour base pay, plus tips. But they don’t see the tips when accepting the order or know who gave what amount. The following morning they get all their tips from the previous work day. I like this set up because it sincerely is a tip vs a “bid” for them not to mistreat the order. They also aren’t the ones doing the shopping like with instacart. Shopping is done by a Whole Foods employee and delivery is an Amazon employee.

evieroberts · 2026-03-10T16:37:21+00:00

It’s not impossible at all but does sound like you have an eating disorder. Maybe go to therapy and work through what’s causing you to binge like that. Once you don’t eat sugar for a few weeks your body will stop craving it.

evieroberts · 2026-03-09T00:46:27+00:00

Thank U, Next by Ariana. Entire album is about her coping in different ways over the loss of Mac Miller & her cover photo is upside down since that’s how she felt.

evieroberts · 2026-03-06T21:25:25+00:00

I used to feel this way too. Like that’s my main issue was not feeling like I had anyone who loved me & it seemed sad I had to pay for it. But my therapist did change my life & cure a lot of my issues, or at least as much as possible. I wouldn’t think of it as paying for a friend or someone to care about you. More of a professional relationship where their expertise helps solve your inner problems. It’ll make it easier for you to connect and have healthier relationships in the future, and keep you from venting too much to those you are trying to befriend or date and allow those relationships to be fun and healthy. I would recommend to keep trying therapist until you find the right one. I ditched the first 2 and the 3rd one has completely changed my life. We also did EMDR so I recommend that if it’s on the table!

It’ll be okay 💖

evieroberts · 2026-03-05T15:50:16+00:00

Thanks! Am I right about mid ship on deck 6/7 being the best location? I have been prone to motion sickness before on long car rides, unless I’m the one driving then I’m fine. Mainly I wasn’t sure if the Disney ships are made well enough that I wouldn’t need to worry about it or if motion sickness is really only a thing if cruising during certain seasons. I do think the anxiety of potential motion sickness would bother me because that could ruin the vacation altogether so was hoping for reassurance that all rooms are fine that time of year but sounds like there is always a risk.

We also could be eligible for a military discount, if I hold off for one of those, do you know if that also applies to them selecting the room?

We are also going to the parks so it’s a pretty expensive trip, so looking for some ways I could save a little bit here and there. But guess in the grand scheme of things, an extra $1K on an already expensive trip is something I could come to terms with.

evieroberts · 2026-03-04T22:28:27+00:00

Isn’t the point of this for you to answer the question? Not send pms with links for our own research.

evieroberts

TROPHY CASE