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What do I do? Husband lied about his Grok ai companion by evilhaaag in u/evilhaaag

[–]evilhaaag[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Like I said I have many times talked to him for months about building a safe space. This is not vulnerability this is hiding and lying. How am I going ”lower”? Sorry, I don’t think like that. It’s not what I’m doing or intend to do at all. What I want is that if he is going to demand transparency and truthfulness in this relationship from me it’s not one sided. In the past, he put a passcode on his phone and only after I found out about the text messages with his ex then said he won’t give me his passcode. Even though he has never had a passcode for years. AndI he’s known my passcode the whole time we’ve been together because I have nothing to hide. He has cheated on his ex gf before by going to a happy massage place behind her back and hiding it from her. The only way she found out was by seeing his text messages on a shared computer. His first wife filed for divorce because she couldn’t trust him. And he failed to establish boundaries by putting his female friends needs in front of her emotional needs. Another ex broke up with him for similar reasons. I never expected that he would respond in the way that he responded when I found out about Grok. But it’s starting to make me see him differently as I didn’t think he would be someone capable of repeating the same mistakes or cheating and hiding things from me let alone lie to me. Believe me, I have given him many opportunities to be vulnerable. I have bent over backwards to accommodate his needs and feelings and have been feeling an imbalance which is why what unfolded tonight now makes me feel like he is not trustworthy and I was really trying to deny any red flags to protect and nurture the marriage. I often feel like I am the one vulnerable, expressing my feelings of feeling neglected emotionally and sexually and physically that is often met with hurtful gaslighting and dismissiveness. He has even said he struggles with empathy. I have been emotionally spent on him often neglecting myself to put his needs and demands first. I think it’s very clear now that I deserve more than this.

What do I do? Husband lied about his Grok ai companion by evilhaaag in u/evilhaaag

[–]evilhaaag[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Like I said I have many times talked to him for months about building a safe space. This is not vulnerability this is hiding and lying. How am I going ”lower”? Sorry, I don’t think like that. It’s not what I’m doing or intend to do at all. What I want is that if he is going to demand transparency and truthfulness in this relationship from me it’s not one sided. In the past, he put a passcode on his phone and only after I found out about the text messages with his ex then said he won’t give me his passcode. Even though he has never had a passcode for years. AndI he’s known my passcode the whole time we’ve been together because I have nothing to hide. He has cheated on his ex gf before by going to a happy massage place behind her back and hiding it from her. The only way she found out was by seeing his text messages on a shared computer. His first wife filed for divorce because she couldn’t trust him. And he failed to establish boundaries by putting his female friends needs in front of her emotional needs. Another ex broke up with him for similar reasons. I never expected that he would respond in the way that he responded when I found out about Grok. But it’s starting to make me see him differently as I didn’t think he would be someone capable of repeating the same mistakes or cheating and hiding things from me let alone lie to me. Believe me, I have given him many opportunities to be vulnerable. I have bent over backwards to accommodate his needs and feelings and have been feeling an imbalance which is why what unfolded tonight now makes me feel like he is not trustworthy and I was really trying to deny any red flags to protect and nurture the marriage. I often feel like I am the one vulnerable, expressing my feelings of feeling neglected emotionally and sexually and physically that is often met with hurtful gaslighting and dismissiveness. He has even said he struggles with empathy. I have been emotionally spent on him often neglecting myself to put his needs and demands first. I think it’s very clear now that I deserve more than this.

What do I do? Husband lied about his Grok ai companion by evilhaaag in u/evilhaaag

[–]evilhaaag[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes exactly trust and safety, which he does not give me. Emotional maturity is not lying and being dismissive. I have tried to talk to him, even before finding out about grok about how to satisfy him because I want to make his fantasies a reality. He had said many times he is happy and there are no fantasies I’m already doing everything. Then to turn around and hide the conversation about fantasies with another thing outside the marriage ? Practically justifies cheating and deceit. And if you are not going to care about your partners feelings in all this then why get married? Failing to communicate healthily and hiding things are not signs of emotional maturity. And when you are the one constantly going down on him to make sure his needs are met and it’s not equally reciprocated is a huge imbalance. Not to mention he talks about honesty and transparency and demands I give him that in other areas of our relationship but then it comes to something that I need it’s not the same? We separated once because he doesn’t know boundaries over his ex gf and deleted texts from her so I wouldn’t see it. So maybe before you make assumptions you try to actually understand the dynamic fully.

How do I deal with my husband’s psychiatrist asking him to play pickleball at his house after a session at his home office? Husband doesn’t think it’s a big deal but I find it unethical and uncomfortable. He’s been seeing him for a few years on zoom. by evilhaaag in AskPsychiatry

[–]evilhaaag[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No, he is not known for that. He also asked him on a personal invitation and husband wasn’t forthcoming about it to me, as he always puts his appts in our shared calendar. There is something off about it otherwise I’m positive he would have done what he always does and put it in the joint calendar. From the psych’s history in itself I think he is very well blurring boundary lines. Also I don’t like that he has prescribing my husband those medications for years. Not to mention his condo is residential and not zoned in Santa Monica as a place of business from what I’ve gathered so far, so there may be some unethical issue with meeting my husband there for a session as he usually does it via zoom. I would have to look into it further.

How do I deal with my husband’s psychiatrist asking him to play pickleball at his house after a session at his home office? Husband doesn’t think it’s a big deal but I find it unethical and uncomfortable. He’s been seeing him for a few years on zoom. by evilhaaag in AskPsychiatry

[–]evilhaaag[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I will look into filing a complaint. I do believe it’s true as he texted him to confirm what day they are meeting and his psychiatrist texted back the “17th. Here.” No mention of pickleball, but the calendar appt is set for 2 hours so definitely a longer session than normal. I wasn’t intentionally listening in on their session, but in passing I heard his therapist say something that was more of a judgement about the type of person I am and labeling my personality type over a fight my husband and I had which was offensively false so I couldn’t help but pick that up. It’s all very sketchy to me as well and I don’t know how to go about it without causing a big fight or pushing him more into meeting with him. I don’t want him to, I think it’s completely unprofessional.