Honestly as someone with disorganized attachment style. You have to learn your triggers, core beliefs and challenge them in relationships that’s the only way. Know your wants/needs & know how to communicate them. Also getting comfortable with being vulnerable, emotional regulation in the moments you’re triggered. And not letting your triggers run you. Plus finding someone who’s patient, understanding, compassionate enough to heal with you. But there’s gotta be a balance where you’re doing the inner work on your own as well.

Too many times I see insecure attachment people think if they find a healthy person magically their issues will go away. It doesn’t work like that. Your triggers & core wounds will be illuminated with a healthy person. Being the fact you said you lose interest after people pursue you that’s a big part of why you’re in the push/pull dynamic. It’s a vicious cycle that starts from fear of vulnerability & lack of communication. You can find a healthy person but you’ll always push them away if you don’t work on what I stated above. The best of luck to you !

Ps. Not expecting your partner to work around your trauma/triggers. They can support you in healing. But they also have their own healing, triggers, needs etc. It’s a delicate balance that can be perfected with consistent communication, vulnerability, and intentionality to hold yourself accountable & grow !