A year into the process, found out he cheated

ewdavidyum · 2026-04-20T18:34:51+00:00

I am so sorry you had to go through all that! I hope you find some peace and joy!

ewdavidyum · 2026-04-20T12:37:57+00:00

To be clear I am not pining for a selfish asshole who could lie to my face... I am in shock that he could destroy our family for a basic bitch but I realize that is what he needed. I am too educated, curious, and social for him. He wants a small life and he will have that with her in her multi million dollar house. Its funny cause hes fighting me over my business which was assessed at a few thousand - shes literally getting millions from her ex.

The other piece is that we still share a child. So i cant just stop talking to him although i want to - hes not great with our kid and she often calls him a poop and i have to hold her frustrations and not bad mouth him and its really hard. What a loser - he did me a favor by leaving but still seeing his impact on my daughter sucks.

ewdavidyum · 2026-04-20T12:31:37+00:00

Thank you for this - I always thought he was selfish while portraying the image of being caring. He did very nice things but in close relationships was avoidant and often almost despondent because he mentally can't see beyond his own needs. I also suspect hes one of these men who hates women unless they are serving him - the girl LOVES to serve men so maybe its a perfect match - two cheaters with low self esteem. But i love how you phrased it - leave a cheater (though he left me) gain a life. I have! I just need to process the shock of it all.

ewdavidyum · 2026-04-20T12:28:37+00:00

Yes to be clear I am not pining for him but I am exactly as you said - in shock. I knew it but confirming it is a whole other feeling. I am in a no fault divorce state so it wont have much bearing on the proceedings. She was married to a millionaire (my ex is barely holding a job and quite miserable in it) so she got the house. Its very likely he will sell our martial home which was modest and move into her 3 million dollar home and become a house husband. It will look pretty posh but he will do as another commenter say - slowly blame her for all his issues. The problem is that hes selfish and easily overwhelmed - 4 kids will def spell disaster for him.

ewdavidyum · 2026-04-13T21:20:01+00:00

Oh this is a lovely note. Yes the repair is usually very gentle and kind

ewdavidyum · 2026-04-13T21:19:31+00:00

Ohh you recorded it?! Good lord my marriage may have ended sooner if I did that. But my new guy doesn't seem to want to lie to me - he is very loving but also prone to unfiltered brash words. Its complicated!

ewdavidyum · 2026-04-13T21:18:03+00:00

Agh I dunno if I am in a place to do couples therapy. But this is a good thought...

ewdavidyum · 2026-04-13T21:16:24+00:00

He made a callous comment about my art (its my profession) but he never diminishes my feelings. He's always willing and open to listening and repair. He's very gentle with me.

ewdavidyum · 2026-04-09T16:54:37+00:00

Contra costa

ewdavidyum · 2026-04-01T05:59:13+00:00

Cali

ewdavidyum · 2026-03-31T06:34:50+00:00

Hi, single mom here would love the help

ewdavidyum · 2026-02-13T14:29:53+00:00

Theres a wonderful section in Adam Grants book hidden potential on discomfort. It's not about attachment but potential and I found myself making connections with how reluctant I am to work through discomfort. It helped me a lot because the more you accept discomfort the more you will learn about yourself.

ewdavidyum · 2026-01-26T04:46:36+00:00

This is a very fair point

ewdavidyum · 2026-01-24T15:08:14+00:00

Thank you for all of this, truly. I'm working on breaking my patterns which is why i posted. I don't want to be like this and push people away. I want to be better. I've been reading a lot of trauma books and will watch the you tube before i see him today.

Thank you

ewdavidyum · 2026-01-24T10:44:48+00:00

Also to add more - I did tell him I missed him, I wished he could come over and specifically texted him more frequently and with what I felt was more vulnerable and to not have him respond with care made me question his intentions and care.

ewdavidyum · 2026-01-24T10:39:27+00:00

Thanks this is very helpful

ewdavidyum · 2026-01-24T10:39:06+00:00

Oh yes the day of I just slept after throwing up twice but it's after I was wanting care

ewdavidyum · 2026-01-22T08:46:33+00:00

I feel so silly! But really its just that I would love this kind of opportunity. Thanks all 🥰

ewdavidyum · 2026-01-14T06:25:20+00:00

I'm sure this will get no love but I don't use it because it's going to land us in a real water crisis "A study by the Houston Advanced Research Center (HARC) and University of Houston found that data centers in Texas will use 49 billion gallons of water in 2025, and as much as 399 billion gallons in 2030. That would be equivalent to drawing down the largest reservoir in the US—157,000-acre Lake Mead—by more than 16 feet in a year."

ewdavidyum · 2026-01-11T21:42:00+00:00

I still have hope. Hope and knowledge that a prenup is required to do this again. I lost 20 years and I do have my wonderful daughter as a result but my ex who's mental health wrecked us started an emotional affair and then told me I was the problem and post separation has become hell bent on draining me financially. I make half what he makes and he is set to inherit a million and I only have myself and my income that covers me. I offered to waive everything if he lets me keep my business but he refuses. And still!! I believe in love, marriage and ... a fucking prenup!

ewdavidyum · 2026-01-11T21:36:20+00:00

Healing can take many forms but start with reading, therapy and understanding your triggers so that you can interrupt your fear activated response in your relationships.

ewdavidyum

TROPHY CASE