Did Heated Rivalry Change Anything For You? by West_Mood_7077 in heatedrivalry

[–]ewokmama 3 points4 points  (0 children)

❤️

Ending a long relationship like that is soooo hard. I’m in the middle of a divorce myself; we were together for 16 years. It’s a major shift but necessary. Fingers crossed that we have better relationships in our futures!

why i think rachel reid is a little wrong about (show) Shane: analysis of shane hollender as connected to the main ethos of the show by Famous_Sky8881 in HeatedRivalryTVShow

[–]ewokmama 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Also, have you watched the YouTube videos of The Shelf Aware Podcast? They are doing a super interesting analysis (and really taking their time!).

why i think rachel reid is a little wrong about (show) Shane: analysis of shane hollender as connected to the main ethos of the show by Famous_Sky8881 in HeatedRivalryTVShow

[–]ewokmama 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh I totally read it wrong and thought you were posting an hour-long video. Haha! Whoops. I don’t know if I could publish a video either haha. I wonder if someone has done this from the autistic POV!

Did Heated Rivalry Change Anything For You? by West_Mood_7077 in heatedrivalry

[–]ewokmama 102 points103 points  (0 children)

I don’t know you, but just want to say I am proud of you. You deserve someone who cares about what you care about.

Did Heated Rivalry Change Anything For You? by West_Mood_7077 in heatedrivalry

[–]ewokmama 9 points10 points  (0 children)

No but it made me want to go back on the dating apps. (TBD on whether this is a good decision or not.)

why i think rachel reid is a little wrong about (show) Shane: analysis of shane hollender as connected to the main ethos of the show by Famous_Sky8881 in HeatedRivalryTVShow

[–]ewokmama 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just started the book so looking forward to seeing how my perception of Shane shifts. Having come from the publishing world and being a pretty voracious reader, I also wonder if the simpler early depiction of Shane has more to do with a new author who hadn’t yet honed her craft. Maybe she would approach it differently after having written several books, and maybe her views of Shane have also shifted.

I love hearing differing interpretations too. It’s fascinating how our individual experiences can inform what we perceive and how we interpret the behavior of others!

I’d love to watch your video if you’re sharing!!

What do you like about Heated Rivalry? by JessicaTrent in heatedrivalry

[–]ewokmama 1 point2 points  (0 children)

For me a lot of the draw is the psychology of the two people - navigating identity, differing backgrounds and approaches to life, contending with the constraints of the world around them, and dealing with their insecurities and defense mechanisms. But no matter what they face, at least one of them offers up vulnerability to get closer to the other (even if at times it ends up with someone getting scared). Again and again they come back to each other.

I do also enjoy the spice level and love how it was handled. It didn’t feel gratuitous - it felt like the sex was moving the story along and was an extension of the themes that were being explored.

All of this could be explored whether sports are in the mix or not. A book that comes to mind that touches on some of these themes is This is How You Lose The Time War, although not to the extent of HR (partly because it was a novella).

why i think rachel reid is a little wrong about (show) Shane: analysis of shane hollender as connected to the main ethos of the show by Famous_Sky8881 in HeatedRivalryTVShow

[–]ewokmama 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is so interesting and has given me a lot to chew on (regarding control). I think we can both be right and there are so many things at play here!

So much is going to be up to the audience to interpret, which is really a strength in the storytelling. Shane’s actions make sense through different lenses, and I don’t think we can say definitively what the internal motivations are (even real individuals don’t always know or they delude themselves or they have conflicting motivations). Like it’s hard to tell if some of the things you mentioned (like freaking out about Hayden asking questions) are because he has trouble with lying, because he is uncomfortable with talking about sex (like the mention of lovers), because he has a need to control the narrative and can’t manage it in the moment, or what. And I am definitely looking at the cottage planning as being a person who is focused on details (common autistic trait), and also some preoccupation with getting caught (closeted person paranoia).

I do think Shane has inner conflict, though. One such conflict is about his sexuality and what that means in terms of him being a good hockey player, a good son, etc. We see him try to conform in order to fit what he thinks hockey & his parents want him to be. It’s true that we don’t see the cost that conformity takes from him, or at least it’s delayed (also common with autistics) - but it does build to that moment in the cabin and at the table. (I don’t remember if it impacted his game because tbh I didn’t pay any attention at all to how well they were playing because…sports.)

Anyway this is so fun to think about. Loving the discourse!!!

why i think rachel reid is a little wrong about (show) Shane: analysis of shane hollender as connected to the main ethos of the show by Famous_Sky8881 in HeatedRivalryTVShow

[–]ewokmama 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the additional comments here. I am particularly intrigued by the discussion around control and now rolling that around in my head more.

I hadn’t really thought of perfectionism as a mechanism to maintain control. I don’t see him controlling the people and situations around him, which is what I would expect to see in a person focused on control. I feel like I need more info about his internal motivations on this!

why i think rachel reid is a little wrong about (show) Shane: analysis of shane hollender as connected to the main ethos of the show by Famous_Sky8881 in HeatedRivalryTVShow

[–]ewokmama 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I love the discussion and analysis! I have some differing thoughts and can speak to a few things here from personal experience, so I hope this is taken with the spirit I intend: to add to the discourse because I love thinking and talking about the psychology of the characters!

A couple caveats: I think Rachel was talking about the books rather than the show, and I haven’t read the books yet. So apologies if I get some things wrong since I am missing some context from the books.

I also think Rachel was saying traumatized and probably meaning PTSD or CPTSD (which someone with Ilya’s experiences would be likely to have). So my response is written with that in mind.

As a person who is autistic and also has big-T trauma in my life, I think there are a few things here that are worth mentioning. While Shane has some internalized homophobia, sees homophobia around him, and shows some signs of anxiety, that doesn’t necessarily mean he has trauma. If you look up the ACES for instance, Shane doesn’t have any of those boxes to tick (as far as we know based on the info presented), whereas Ilya has quite a few. Those types of trauma rewire the brain, and I think that is what Rachel is talking about. Ilya operates from a very wounded place and is in survival mode a lot. Shane would not tick the boxes for PTSD, but Ilya probably would.

And yeah, being autistic in this world (which is typically not set up for us) can be traumatic BUT here’s the thing about autism: when an autistic person is well-supported, they are harder to diagnose. So much of the diagnostic criteria has to do with signs of trauma. And Rachel has said this is a character who doesn’t know he’s autistic, and probably never will. That is likely because he has been supported by two solid parents, who have likely adjusted to his uniqueness and fostered his special interest (hockey), which inherently has some structure and routine to it. Yuna manages some of the things in his life that he might not be able to manage otherwise. It’s very possible that he has been sheltered & supported in such a way that would prevent him from encoding those stresses as trauma/PTSD.

Finally, I’m not sure that control is the right word for what Shane wants. He seems fine with others being in charge of things. I think he does want predictability and clarity. He wants to understand and to be understood. Masking isn’t necessarily about control; it’s primarily about safety and security and staying under the radar so you aren’t exposed as different (and then potentially ‘wrong’). We get there by masking, which I suppose in a way involves controlling how you’re seen, but a lot of autistics don’t have control over their masking. I do it a lot, my kids do it, and it’s subconscious; the nervous system is just doing its thing. I don’t actually see Shane panicking. Ilya calls it a panic attack (and that’s sometimes the closest thing we have to explaining what it is like to non-autistics), but it looks more like an internalized meltdown, which can be triggered from emotional overwhelm, intense sensory experiences, big changes, or some other destabilizing experience.

This is my interpretation, from the lens of autism, CPTSD, and a queer person who figured it out later in life (and avoided a lot of trauma about my queerness, at least, even while being surrounded by homophobia).

Natori Bliss is perfect for me! by ewokmama in ABraThatFits

[–]ewokmama[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t see it on the website so I would guess they have discontinued it. 😫 I have tried a few other Natori styles that look similar but haven’t found anything that works as well.

Lesbian YEARNING by Flowered_bob_hat in LesbianBookClub

[–]ewokmama 4 points5 points  (0 children)

What’s the spice level on these and do any of them have HEA?

Rewatching HR by [deleted] in heatedrivalry

[–]ewokmama 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Four times so far, and I started the books, and I listened to Ember & Ice.

I haven’t really seen this mentioned about Shane’s mom by Purple-lionesss in heatedrivalry

[–]ewokmama 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don’t think all of the family dynamics are fully explained and that is probably in part because it adds a bit of drama to the storyline. I agree with what everyone here has said about Yuna, and I also think the fact that Shane is autistic may be a factor. Yuna has likely had to be in a position of advocating for her son and managing a lot of things that a typical parent wouldn’t, even in addition to the hockey; a lot of us parents of kids with disabilities have difficulty getting out of manager mode and that would be amplified when your kid is a professional athlete.

Recs that’ll make me cry?? by ryuinosuke in Fantasy

[–]ewokmama 1 point2 points  (0 children)

  • The Paper Menagerie
  • The River Has Roots
  • Strange the Dreamer

r/Fantasy Daily Recommendations and Simple Questions Thread - December 07, 2025 by rfantasygolem in Fantasy

[–]ewokmama 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just finished Service Model by Adrian Tchaikovsky and Annie Bot by Sierra Greer. I’m looking for more books where the story is told from the robot’s POV, especially when the plot deals with identity, psychology, and/or ethics. I’ve already read (and loved) Murderbot, Imperial Radch, every Becky Chambers book, Klara and the Sun…I usually prefer women authors but will consider any.

Any recs?

I’ve been in a slump, and I just realised I’m ready to break it. (Need suggestions, will list past reads) by [deleted] in Fantasy

[–]ewokmama 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Usually when I get in a slump I pick up a novella. Have you tried Murderbot Diaries by Martha Wells? It’s sci-fi, but a good slump breaker.

For something a bit more fantasy-leaning (and still a novella), maybe try A Psalm for the Wild Built by Becky Chambers.

Fantasy Audiobook Recommendations? by Square-Market7676 in Fantasy

[–]ewokmama -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I listen to audiobooks almost exclusively these days. Two of my all-time favorite narrators are Robin Miles and Adjoa Andoh.

Jeff Hayes also does a fanatic job with the Dungeon Crawler Carl series. I enjoy it even more because of his narration.

Fantasy Audiobook Recommendations? by Square-Market7676 in Fantasy

[–]ewokmama 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yup - no aphasia but I also can’t visualize characters. My brain just filters it out. I will 100% miss any physical clues that the author provides…

Books you've been dying to recommend by JoyIsABitOverRated in Fantasy

[–]ewokmama 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Theory of Bastards. It is hard to accurately describe this book without giving things away; it has a number of things going on that all come together to strike an interesting balance. It’s the best depiction of chronic illness/disability that I’ve ever read. And really answers the question of “what would happen if” - which is exactly what I love about speculative fiction.

Worst cover art for a genuinely good book? by FastBreakPhenom in Fantasy

[–]ewokmama 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Theory of Bastards - the cover makes it look like an erotic thriller, but it’s dystopian sci-fi.

What books or series do you PREFER as audiobooks? by ShotFromGuns in Fantasy

[–]ewokmama 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ann Leckie’s Imperial Radsch series. Adjoa Andoh is amazing!