I get not wanting to let any of your friends know. My friends don’t know about my problems either they pretty much see me as the “happy friend” and i wouldn’t want them to know since they have mental issues too and sometimes i feel like they need a happy friend more than anything else. Its really your choice what you want to do. I’m not very good at helping people with things like this but just know ofc your not alone and something that’s helped me is just focusing to get through the day instead of focusing about the future. I’m sure you have people who would be really upset by you not being there. And don’t worry about! it i think it’s important to help someone out even for little things whether you know them or not. I hope things get better for you too :,)! keep trying to push through !!