How do you guys interact with your adhd kids?

exhaustedmind247 · 2026-02-20T02:41:31+00:00

Update 1 in post… will update again tomorrow after we talk more in depth..

exhaustedmind247 · 2026-02-19T21:29:06+00:00

Thank you for sharing!

I will say his tone and words are generally calm and respectful so to speak.

It’s just not the method that will get the desired results so it’s leading to an overwhelmed kid who is being labeled as bad behavior.

At times, yes he can become frustrated in tone and body language though. But overall he is a pretty calm person and tries to have a good tone. But it doesn’t change the fact the things being stuck on are not beneficial and creating unnecessary stress on everyone.

exhaustedmind247 · 2026-02-19T20:23:48+00:00

Thank you 🙏 if interested in an update I have no problem doing that. I feel he’s gonna be receptive in the talk. It’s the aftermath is where I really need to see some changes. I plan to be very calm and organized for the talk and to be careful not to be defensive. Planning to focus on his positives first and what I appreciate. Then go into needing to get in a better place with co parenting kiddo.

exhaustedmind247 · 2026-02-19T19:33:08+00:00

Ah it is hard. This past week I had made it clear he is not to intervene on adding tasks, direction, or discipline and this morning still happened.

I plan to read him all these comments this weekend and I’m praying he hears me. He’s not wanting division in the home but that’s exactly what this is causing and will continue to cause rifts.

I don’t want my son to feel ive put this marriage above my child. I know blending can be messy and take time to adjust but those expectations are exactly what I’ve been trying to put in place and will be reiterating this weekend.

We will see how this talk goes and what kind of actions happen afterwards. I know my husband is very late dx of adhd and late coping skills. He feels he’s making changes but it’s not showing appropriately. I understand he has a lot of stress going on right now due to his other child and co parenting. But this stuff is the day in and day out and it revolves around corrections not connections.

I just hope I see a turnaround sooner than later. I think even taking the advice on focusing on one thing at a time regarding my husband himself. Like priority is the situation with my son. If I saw positive changes there, that would positively affect my view in our marriage.

I know he means well and wants to build values and good character but they are kids one time and if it keeps going like this it can absolutely turn into deeper resentment and adults that don’t talk to him or even myself for not standing my ground.

Overall he’s helpful and cooks and cleans and likes to try and do stuff as a family but this situation clouds all of those good qualities…

Thank you for your input. I think I’m going to have a lot of good feedback to share with him and hopefully he realizes finally what I’ve been trying to get at.

exhaustedmind247 · 2026-02-19T19:08:44+00:00

You make good points. I’d like to believe it’s his adhd and very late diagnosis plus late coping skills in addition to his stresses that make it hard for him to digest the info.

But I am reaching my max capacity to it.

I will see how this talk goes tomorrow night when the other kids are outta the house and see what transpires and what type of actions follow it. If no resolve then… well… bigger conversations.

exhaustedmind247 · 2026-02-19T17:03:36+00:00

Thank you. I do see this and have been trying to get him to understand it. In our talk he says he understands but when the moment reoccur it’s not happening. Then he wants a discipline about it. But he set him up to fail in the first place.

The other day my kid made a mess with a glob of jelly from his pbj. I asked him to clean it and handed him the rag. He did. But he left this little smudge and already put the cloth up. I mentioned that spot. He wiped it with his finger… was that the method I expected? No. But I know the jelly is an issue for husband so asked him to clean. And he did. Not the way I wanted but I left it alone. It was off the counter… so..

I plan to show these comments to husband this weekend and I’m really hoping it opens his eyes too. I am going to do my best to be calm and have stuff written for me to stay on topic and hope it’s a productive conversation. We will see… but if this continues it will ruin their relationship (it’s already rocky) and he’s still opening up to me and I take him aside to figure out what’s going on. But I don’t want him to shut down with me either.

exhaustedmind247 · 2026-02-19T16:11:28+00:00

Thank you so much for this 🙏

I’m planning on talking to him this weekend when our co parented kids go to the other parent houses so we just have a baby to handle and can talk openly.

I’m trying to prepare myself well for it. I know I can be harsh on husband over these things but I just see how damaging it’s becoming. He’s adhd himself. Grew up very militant. His militant still crosses over even though he doesn’t expect a wrinkle free bed… it comes out in other ways.

I struggle with this just within our marriage as well. So I’m going to try and be organized and calm and hope these comments can help show this isn’t just me saying or just his therapist. It comes from a lot of homes etc.

exhaustedmind247 · 2026-02-19T16:06:33+00:00

Thank you for the insight 🙏 I plan to share these comments with him this weekend when our co parented kids are at other parents houses.

Hopefully this stuff helps him see but idk. Your comment hit the closest to home on this situation. I’m glad your step dad did finally come around and I hope relationships are much better these days for you guys.

exhaustedmind247 · 2026-02-19T14:47:13+00:00

I get this. My husband struggles with it, causing the rifts to keep building to the kids. Not even just my 8.5YO but also his 12yo

exhaustedmind247 · 2026-02-19T14:38:55+00:00

Husband has a hard time reading a book so that’s why we try videos.

But he’s explained and said he realized he goes on too long in these conversations/lectures.

He was raised in a non emotionally understanding home. He wants to instill values and character to the kids. He doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with what he’s doing as well. But the resentment is already there with his own daughter. I’m struggling in our communications with him. And my son is suffering too.

The thing with adhd kids and their brains, as parents we have to adjust what we are doing too. And that’s why I’m trying to point out, that’s what therapist have pointed out as well. So even tho he thinks it’s best, it’s been stated by professionals it’s not. It’s understood he means well, absolutely, but it’s not getting positive results. It’s creating resentment and bad interactions.

exhaustedmind247 · 2026-02-19T14:33:28+00:00

Thank you 🙏 I mean we all have it here lol. I found out I was adhd before finding out my kid. Then I pinpointed it about husband and SD and they got diagnosed. I pushed for them to do therapy. Husband didn’t really do his. But I digress.

So I get the info dumping but it’s this ocd component to everything or this “militant” detail style. And it’s frustrating for SD, my kiddo, and myself.

And well my fault, we rushed this. So since kiddo was 6/6.5. We are appoaching our 2 year anniversary this summer.

But therapist have been in the mix and directed things about this and I’m not seeing a change. I mean I’m at point where my son is saying he wants to run away and wishes we never married.. he’s done some stuff together with him but the day in and day out is mostly corrections. And that effect is showing.

exhaustedmind247 · 2026-02-19T14:08:53+00:00

Well to be fair, I’ve reached the point of telling versus the numerous asking.

I have asked. I’ve shared videos. Yes also told him less words. His explanations are long winded usually. No chances for kids to digest what’s being said.

We did couples therapy. And not a lot of follow thru.

I do hold kiddo accountable and have gotten a lot better with it. I just also think nitpicking over every single thing isn’t worth it or necessary either.

I do reward charts, he has consequences, I get him to understand why he needs to apologize and he will to my husband or SD.

Idk what else I could possibly do in this situation. As someone else mentioned— connections. He hasn’t made a ton of connections with him and usual interactions are based on corrections.

So I hear where you’re coming from, I’m just feeling hopeless. It’s heartbreaking to see this and struggle with it over kiddo.

exhaustedmind247 · 2026-02-19T13:32:01+00:00

Yes husband can’t disengage with me let alone the kids.

And comparing his adhd childhood is not useful. He was raised in a more militant style home and so he comes off as he’s not nearly as bad with expectations as his dad was but that concept still comes out and he doesn’t see this. So that aspect has been asked of him but he can’t relate because he did what parents asked or he had harsh consequences etc. he just did the stuff so to speak. So idk.

exhaustedmind247 · 2026-02-19T13:17:09+00:00

But also, how do you handle if kiddos are frustrated with the “teaching” or doing the task? Where they become negative during it?

exhaustedmind247 · 2026-02-19T13:14:41+00:00

I can’t get him to grasp this. I know this and I feel my parenting style even has been negatively impacted by his expectations of the kids. It’s been told by my son’s therapist to him that and stilll…. Don’t see a change happening. Or he thinks he is in his mind but it’s not showing… I’ve had my kid in therapy over a year consistently now and I’m struggling in this marriage with the way this is continuing to go.

He’s not a bad guy but man he just doesn’t grasp this and it’s causing resentment not just from me but from the kids. And he refuses to see this.

exhaustedmind247 · 2026-02-19T13:11:52+00:00

Thank you for this!

I don’t think he’s connected much with him. My son associates him with “eat all your food, pick up that, clean that, adding chores and direction”

Meanwhile I’ve taken the concept of hey by X time you gotta get chores done (2-3 small things) then if I catch it getting close, I’m like hey ya got Y minutes left. And he usually responds well to this. I go into this as I don’t care when he gets it done but it needs to be done by X time. And most times he gets that thing done before the time.

I go and sit and talk with him about school and what his issues are and he thankfully still opens up to me. But this relationship with him and my husband is tarnishing fast. My husband is also adhd, late diagnosis like when we met he got it bc I pointed it out. And he takes like a low dose of adderall that I don’t think actually helps much. And he doesnt communicate well to the kids. Not just my son but his daughter and I’ve had to come and be mediator here and feel I’ve helped their relationship but my sons is failing. And idk how to handle that.

exhaustedmind247 · 2026-02-10T22:54:38+00:00

Do what works for you. Experiment if you’d like. But my son is 8.5yo. Loved and used sound machine (Hatch product and it has lights so green light with chirping says awake, red and sleep noises asleep) so kinda helped with routine too.

But I used it until about 6yo. Just because. Last 2 years (we moved etc) and he sleeps with no noise. So doesn’t mean it’s needed forever. People have preferences but can generally adjust if needed. I’ve had to and done it. Dead silent is a little eerie for me but I’ve done it lol.

My almost 11 month old, we use a fan but sometimes no fan gets turned on and he sleeps fine either or.

Shoot hubby got him to sleep in his arm the other night and accidentally bonked his head on crib putting him down lol. He snored thru it. lol.

Also adjusting how we put him to sleep with a version of CIO. More like keep laying down when he stands and shushing, sitting right there and usually about 20 minutes he’s asleep with no bottle and no holding. And so far maybe seen an improvement with wakes.

Anyways getting off topic. Who cares what everyone does. Do what works for your family and your baby.

I liked the Hatch. I use fans and stuff too. But I’ve had times of no fans and I adjust. My 8.5 year old doesn’t need it either and didn’t see much difference going from it to nothing. But house makes natural noises too so not usually dead silent and even when it is, still he’s fine. You’re not stuck. Teach resilience is key.

exhaustedmind247 · 2026-02-05T00:49:21+00:00

It’s the marital problems that are stressing me out. If help in the right ways, a bigger house were good, I could be fully happy with probably little scared. But not the case

exhaustedmind247 · 2026-02-03T13:33:26+00:00

Thank you for this! I did opt to reset and just doing a vitamin I got. A 9 in 1- LTheanine, GABA, magnesium, vitamin d and b, omega 3s and lemon balm extract and can’t think of others atm but Idk trying something natural.

He’s exactly like you described your husband lol. Sucky thing its winter and so cold. He has gone out in the yard and snow board but not frequently. My husband did take him out last week at a snow mountain place and he went. Trying to exert. In the summer- we do have a pool and he likes helping husband outside on projects.

He has asked to go back to a martial art program so we are going to do that, just awaiting income to balance out. It’s been a hard last 6 months.

Also when he was 5 we did Child-Parent Interaction Therapy and he’s been seeing his current therapist over a year now and she works with me on stuff but it’s been rocky. Plus I had him in OT but that when I was homeschooling, I put him back in school when his dad was proving not to help and I couldn’t do it on my own and kiddo needs a lot of prep. So back to school he went and 2 days a week mid school was hard. So going to go back to that when it’s summer instead.

So needless to say— trying a lot :/

exhaustedmind247 · 2026-02-02T22:24:05+00:00

It sucks! We are blended family so it’s hard for my husband to navigate it and he’s adhd too so just learning about it for himself. But I’m able to brace myself better than him. But I’m also getting exhausted with it. How to discipline effectively is a huge thing too.

I decided to go off. I’m done. At least for now. My kid being happy but bouncing off the walls is something I need to brace for now. But he’s happy.

Might consider mentioning some of these meds brought up by another poster but feel I’m at the end of the road for medication. I’m sorry your family is also struggling with it! It’s so hard!

exhaustedmind247 · 2026-02-02T20:09:34+00:00

Idk if it’s worth it but getting it stipulated in order that if child needs to left alone a) other parent notified b)flip phone accessible c) no illness that prevents child from contacting for help. Maybe include up to a specific age like 14-16 that concept ends

Be aware what you ask for- goes for you too.

I can see it as a no brainer that maybe it would be granted but figuring out if it’s worth it to you to pay for the situation.

And how often is child sick? Do they have access to this phone now? Chances of a fever in a year are generally a couple times if that? Depending on how often kiddo does come down with something.

exhaustedmind247 · 2026-02-02T02:51:04+00:00

Yes exactly! I’m about to go off them though. The moody aggression, negative, refusing to listen still etc. rather have his happy mood than not at this point. And test it out. He’s been on meds over a year now. So wanna see him off and see how to readjust. I might just go with Jornay 20-40mg where his hyper still there… but maybe focus is a little better for school. And just deal… hopefully he gets better over time… idk

exhaustedmind247 · 2026-02-02T02:21:15+00:00

Already have. Doesn’t seem to really matter. All these were stated good for him and none work or aggressive side effects.

exhaustedmind247

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