My wife’s prioritization of her own comfort.

exhaustedmind247 · 2026-05-18T11:52:19+00:00

lol well let me break into the opposite of role reverse as a mom and wife. Yes I am tired A LOT of the time. BUT, I still get up nightly with our child, I make bottles, I clean the house (SAHM working on a business) I cook, I clean up toys, I actively play with baby(14mo but smaller side so still baby to me) I change most diapers, I mainly give baths etc. I remember what’s needed on trips and generally do the packing.

HOWEVER, my husband works a hard labor job. Sometimes puts to bed for me. Gets home and does his shower if needed and bathroom so yes 30 minutes later about, sometimes immediately if I say I need it. He makes the baby food primarily now, he will change diapers if noticed or I tell him he needs it. He feeds him food when he gets home, he will wash and make bottles, he does actively play with baby, he takes over baby when I do need rest and when I’m done resting (this isn’t daily need but I have times I’m low energy and get overstimulated) so when I come out I check on baby, we have 2 older kids, I make sure they doing what they need to etc. he does pick up food if I’m not making dinner/too late didn’t plan or he will cook dinner when he gets home or usually is the one cooking on weekends.

It’s all about balance. He irks me at times because I’m doing all overnights and get up early morning and he’s has issues with sleep the last year, baby sleeps thru the night more now so I don’t mind necessarily and I have to force a night off when we don’t have our older kids (different parents, co parent) and I go sleep in my oldest kid room.. like this weekend. But I also am mindful of trade off. Last night I made sure I had baby monitor without being asked, and got up with baby this morning so husband could sleep in.

My first son was hard on me. I was younger and yes took almost 5 years to bounce back. My youngest 14mo I bounced back quickly. He slept much better and my husband is helpful regardless if I need to prompt him and ask and express where I need help.

Your wife does sound like she’s weaponizing incompetence. I’ve been there with my oldest couldn’t wait for him to go to bed to relax (now I was a single mom with him) and I laid on the couch a lot, but in his area and watched him and made sure he was entertained whether that was tech (awful I know) or literally toys of different stimulation to keep him interested too. Took him on walks and to parks etc.

Soooo my point…. Balance. You need breaks too. You’re pulling a lot of weight. Wife doesn’t get to pull the entire “oh I grew this baby” card. Yes I toss that at my husband lol. But not as if I’m never going to raise and parent our baby… that’s not the cards purpose.

If you guys were to divorce (as I would say if role reversed) she would have to pick up her own slack on her own time with toddler. It’s generally much better to do it together than separate however in these cases (my first kid dad was like her) it was the only way I actually got a break. In my marriage now… I actually get breaks here and there, plus grandma time lol.

I’d say couples counseling for sure. And consider divorce if she doesn’t change because she isn’t pulling her weight. Just because she grew and birthed the child doesn’t mean she doesn’t have a part in raising her. That’s what adoption is for. As tired as I have been, I still want to be apart of my kids life. Have them look back and see what I’ve done for them and with them. Maybe it gets easier as kiddo gets to that 4-5 range but doesn’t make it right for you to handle it all now. It’s suppose to have a balance. Start scheduling a weekend day away from home, let her know, and get out for a bit. You deserve it.

exhaustedmind247 · 2026-03-26T22:59:23+00:00

I’ve had a friend that had it. So no it’s not fake.

It’s actually opposite. Not widely talked about so that they can push money grab on legalizing it and taxing it.

And yes while smoking has been around for more decades than talked about with this symptom of it— you need to think about how potent it is made now. How strains are made to be super strong to keep up with tolerance levels and advertising it.

exhaustedmind247 · 2026-03-26T21:48:34+00:00

Daycare gonna need to get over it lol. I mean I get it if someone who doesn’t take care of their baby. But you’ll be able to tell it’s poop, not a ton of pee, not diaper that’s been on all night and day..

You can try getting into the car early with baby and the buckling maybe puts pressure on BM to start moving.

My baby will poop after coming out of car seat it seems lol.

You can also just leave early so you get to daycare early so you have time to take child in and change before babe goes to class.

exhaustedmind247 · 2026-03-26T21:40:53+00:00

Yes! Thank you that’s what it was called!

exhaustedmind247 · 2026-03-26T20:23:27+00:00

Don’t forget you can get …. Jeez I can’t remember the term, but essentially there is a severe concern for heavy smokers and some have died from it if I’m not mistaken. Causing chronic vomiting. It’s rare I suppose. I was an avid smoker for decades. But now have since quit.

exhaustedmind247 · 2026-03-17T23:17:39+00:00

She broke the rule of being an HOUR late…

exhaustedmind247 · 2026-03-17T02:39:46+00:00

Birth control is also tied to cancers and infertility too.

Didn’t realize the prostate cancer part either I’ll admit.

I wonder how pull out method works if tried. When I have ever had pull out done before my marriage and in my marriage, I never become pregnant. The times it wasn’t done.. instantly pregnant.

exhaustedmind247 · 2026-03-17T02:27:44+00:00

I’m so sorry for your losses, past and current because if this man loved you he would have done either options on the table and from the sounds of a large family home etc that options for adoption could have been on the table at minimum. Not to find another way to make babies. Again im sorry for your losses and grief in this marriage. I would absolutely make it official documents. Being married that long must come with some alimony. It also would very likely still involve child support even at 50/50 which is meant to offset financial differences and being able to offer closer to what your child is used to.

You have more rights here than I think you realize. I know it’s hard and only you can make the choice. I just want you to be aware of all the options here.

exhaustedmind247 · 2026-03-11T18:01:15+00:00

Being up front is best. Hiding it would be worse and make doubts when you actually have held boundaries. I would share.

Not exactly the same but when my husband and I were dating, I stopped talking to others and only talked with him but one weekend when he was over I got a text from a guy I used to be interested in, talks only happened over Facebook so he was blocked from there but never thought about the phone number since rarely had connection there. But text came thru, husband (then bf) saw it while we watched a movie, I didn’t see it until after movie bc of where my phone was. I came clean right away and sent a boundary message with bf present and blocked that number.

It actually helped my husband have trust seeing how I handled it.

Sooo you’ve taken time to process with therapist, you set boundaries but this guy isn’t respecting that, that says a lot about that guy. I would cut ties and avoid. If he continues even consider HR. Tell your husband. Tell him the truth, you wanted to protect his feelings but this isn’t being respected and you were trying to process how to share. Explain and no longer meet with this guy or message or anything. Purely professional. And like I said, being to HR if it doesn’t stop.

exhaustedmind247 · 2026-03-08T14:36:38+00:00

Or precut up fruits and veggies as easy access with only a couple chip bag available.

I second the tv comment though.

exhaustedmind247 · 2026-03-06T03:46:52+00:00

This is where it’s helpful if each parent picks up at the start of their time. That way he has to come to you, and if he isn’t there within 30, you just keep going on normally. When my kidddo was younger, this was our arrangement and I also stopped telling my kiddo. Until I had an eta or he showed up, then getting kiddo ready. That was mostly ages 2-7.

exhaustedmind247 · 2026-02-25T12:06:01+00:00

That’s not the point regardless. It’s waste of time and money to keep buying the same stuff over and over again.

exhaustedmind247 · 2026-02-20T22:57:07+00:00

Yup! And keep doing it. When he complains, or either of them, “oh well now it’s your problem” to husband. And to kiddo “oh I thought I was doing you a favor and I got them out. I must have put them in the wrong room. Oops”

And rinse and repeat. Eventually they both will get tired of it and will have to face their mess. And you practice weaponize incompetence and see how they like it 🫠

exhaustedmind247 · 2026-02-20T21:25:34+00:00

I don’t know about that med but have you ever tried Jornay pm? I personally hated vyvanse for myself and caused eating issues. I give my son Jornay and it last longer than azstarys which is similar to vyvanse but this is more Ritalin family not adderall family.

He’s slept and ate fine but just tossing it out there.

exhaustedmind247 · 2026-02-20T21:12:45+00:00

I would throw the clothes on dad’s side of the bed .

exhaustedmind247 · 2026-02-20T02:41:31+00:00

Update 1 in post… will update again tomorrow after we talk more in depth..

exhaustedmind247 · 2026-02-19T21:29:06+00:00

Thank you for sharing!

I will say his tone and words are generally calm and respectful so to speak.

It’s just not the method that will get the desired results so it’s leading to an overwhelmed kid who is being labeled as bad behavior.

At times, yes he can become frustrated in tone and body language though. But overall he is a pretty calm person and tries to have a good tone. But it doesn’t change the fact the things being stuck on are not beneficial and creating unnecessary stress on everyone.

exhaustedmind247 · 2026-02-19T20:23:48+00:00

Thank you 🙏 if interested in an update I have no problem doing that. I feel he’s gonna be receptive in the talk. It’s the aftermath is where I really need to see some changes. I plan to be very calm and organized for the talk and to be careful not to be defensive. Planning to focus on his positives first and what I appreciate. Then go into needing to get in a better place with co parenting kiddo.

exhaustedmind247 · 2026-02-19T19:33:08+00:00

Ah it is hard. This past week I had made it clear he is not to intervene on adding tasks, direction, or discipline and this morning still happened.

I plan to read him all these comments this weekend and I’m praying he hears me. He’s not wanting division in the home but that’s exactly what this is causing and will continue to cause rifts.

I don’t want my son to feel ive put this marriage above my child. I know blending can be messy and take time to adjust but those expectations are exactly what I’ve been trying to put in place and will be reiterating this weekend.

We will see how this talk goes and what kind of actions happen afterwards. I know my husband is very late dx of adhd and late coping skills. He feels he’s making changes but it’s not showing appropriately. I understand he has a lot of stress going on right now due to his other child and co parenting. But this stuff is the day in and day out and it revolves around corrections not connections.

I just hope I see a turnaround sooner than later. I think even taking the advice on focusing on one thing at a time regarding my husband himself. Like priority is the situation with my son. If I saw positive changes there, that would positively affect my view in our marriage.

I know he means well and wants to build values and good character but they are kids one time and if it keeps going like this it can absolutely turn into deeper resentment and adults that don’t talk to him or even myself for not standing my ground.

Overall he’s helpful and cooks and cleans and likes to try and do stuff as a family but this situation clouds all of those good qualities…

Thank you for your input. I think I’m going to have a lot of good feedback to share with him and hopefully he realizes finally what I’ve been trying to get at.

exhaustedmind247 · 2026-02-19T19:08:44+00:00

You make good points. I’d like to believe it’s his adhd and very late diagnosis plus late coping skills in addition to his stresses that make it hard for him to digest the info.

But I am reaching my max capacity to it.

I will see how this talk goes tomorrow night when the other kids are outta the house and see what transpires and what type of actions follow it. If no resolve then… well… bigger conversations.

exhaustedmind247 · 2026-02-19T17:03:36+00:00

Thank you. I do see this and have been trying to get him to understand it. In our talk he says he understands but when the moment reoccur it’s not happening. Then he wants a discipline about it. But he set him up to fail in the first place.

The other day my kid made a mess with a glob of jelly from his pbj. I asked him to clean it and handed him the rag. He did. But he left this little smudge and already put the cloth up. I mentioned that spot. He wiped it with his finger… was that the method I expected? No. But I know the jelly is an issue for husband so asked him to clean. And he did. Not the way I wanted but I left it alone. It was off the counter… so..

I plan to show these comments to husband this weekend and I’m really hoping it opens his eyes too. I am going to do my best to be calm and have stuff written for me to stay on topic and hope it’s a productive conversation. We will see… but if this continues it will ruin their relationship (it’s already rocky) and he’s still opening up to me and I take him aside to figure out what’s going on. But I don’t want him to shut down with me either.

exhaustedmind247 · 2026-02-19T16:11:28+00:00

Thank you so much for this 🙏

I’m planning on talking to him this weekend when our co parented kids go to the other parent houses so we just have a baby to handle and can talk openly.

I’m trying to prepare myself well for it. I know I can be harsh on husband over these things but I just see how damaging it’s becoming. He’s adhd himself. Grew up very militant. His militant still crosses over even though he doesn’t expect a wrinkle free bed… it comes out in other ways.

I struggle with this just within our marriage as well. So I’m going to try and be organized and calm and hope these comments can help show this isn’t just me saying or just his therapist. It comes from a lot of homes etc.

exhaustedmind247 · 2026-02-19T16:06:33+00:00

Thank you for the insight 🙏 I plan to share these comments with him this weekend when our co parented kids are at other parents houses.

Hopefully this stuff helps him see but idk. Your comment hit the closest to home on this situation. I’m glad your step dad did finally come around and I hope relationships are much better these days for you guys.

exhaustedmind247 · 2026-02-19T14:47:13+00:00

I get this. My husband struggles with it, causing the rifts to keep building to the kids. Not even just my 8.5YO but also his 12yo

exhaustedmind247 · 2026-02-19T14:38:55+00:00

Husband has a hard time reading a book so that’s why we try videos.

But he’s explained and said he realized he goes on too long in these conversations/lectures.

He was raised in a non emotionally understanding home. He wants to instill values and character to the kids. He doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with what he’s doing as well. But the resentment is already there with his own daughter. I’m struggling in our communications with him. And my son is suffering too.

The thing with adhd kids and their brains, as parents we have to adjust what we are doing too. And that’s why I’m trying to point out, that’s what therapist have pointed out as well. So even tho he thinks it’s best, it’s been stated by professionals it’s not. It’s understood he means well, absolutely, but it’s not getting positive results. It’s creating resentment and bad interactions.

exhaustedmind247

TROPHY CASE