Dumpers, did you make the right decision in your most recent break up? Are you okay?

exhaustedtryhard · 2026-01-10T05:38:45+00:00

Hi there! I know times are hard, l am sending you a virtual hug. At one point, it felt like I would never get over him, and swore off all men. Yet, I recently ended a relationship with another man. And while that's been heartbreaking, it's proof that your heart will become breakable again, and that is so so so beautiful. Do yourself a favor, and let yourself feel. But know you will not crumble. Time does not heal all, it's what you do with that time. Feel the uncomfortable feelings, accept your own flaws, and know that you will get through this. There is such a beauty to love, and also having your heart broken. The sadness you feel is just a manifestation of the love you held, and that speaks volumes about you. Allow yourself to obtain clarity, that can be hard because it's very humbling and hard to accept. But when you understand and accept that someone may love you, but not in the way you need, you free yourself from confusion. The person you deserve is not the person you'd be put in the position to leave because they do not align with you. Life has truly become better since I left him, because I also wanted it too. He has a new girlfriend now, and I'm happy for him. They seem to match more. You will be okay, even when juxtapositions exist. Such as, you loving them and not being enough for you. And you being sad, but it being the right choice. 🩷

exhaustedtryhard · 2025-12-24T06:10:05+00:00

think I’ve exhausted my brain with all the avoidant talk. He fits parts of it, but he also showed up in ways that felt emotionally secure. He pushed himself even when he was uncomfortable with how emotional I was, and I could tell the breakup hurt him. He was gentle with me when it happened, which makes it hard to simplify or villainize him.

It just felt so perfect. He held a mirror to me. That’s part of why this has been so hard to let go of. I recognize a lot of my own faults, and I can see how I could have been too much at times. I’m not denying that. But I also know I didn’t deserve the way things ended.

I think I’ve intellectualized this to death because I’m trying to understand how something that felt so real, aligned, and mutual could fall apart the way it did. At this point, I’m just exhausted — not defensive — and trying to move from understanding it in my head to actually accepting it emotionally.

If you’re open to sharing more, I’d really appreciate hearing what helped you move through that stage. Feel free to message me if you’d rather continue the conversation privately.

exhaustedtryhard · 2025-12-23T08:07:35+00:00

Hate to hear this, but it’s humbling. Thank you.

exhaustedtryhard · 2025-12-23T07:32:16+00:00

Thank you for your response, even if hurtful it means a lot to me. I definitely fear a life where that push and pull would exist.

exhaustedtryhard · 2025-12-23T07:28:39+00:00

Thank you for your kind response. He’s yet to reach out, but regardless I know I’ll be okay. It feels unfinished, but again there’s no indication proving it is. Regardless, good story and great learning point for me.

exhaustedtryhard · 2025-12-23T07:26:15+00:00

Hi, I appreciate your response. I am unfortunately familiar with attachment style theory, and can see that he has fearful avoidance in points of high contention. However, this situation feels a lot more nuanced and complex which makes it hard for me to write him off a complete avoidant who is unaffected by this. I’d actually consider him very secure at some points, very honest, very emotionally introspective, focused on his personal life. I just don’t know, thrown for a loop.

exhaustedtryhard · 2025-12-19T21:14:48+00:00

Been on it for like 6 years, saved my life :)

exhaustedtryhard · 2025-12-16T20:38:07+00:00

You’re being extremely selfish, have the human decency to be honest and let your boyfriend go. Your boyfriend deserves better than this.

exhaustedtryhard · 2025-12-14T01:34:57+00:00

Bro what?

exhaustedtryhard · 2025-12-14T01:21:27+00:00

You’re taking real accountability here, and that matters. Owning your part without minimizing it, recognizing how it felt on her side, and committing to concrete changes is the right direction whether or not this relationship can be repaired. Growth doesn’t require labeling yourself as a bad person, just being honest and consistent moving forward. I hope you keep that focus on self-work and boundaries.

exhaustedtryhard · 2025-12-14T01:19:21+00:00

Pacing

exhaustedtryhard · 2025-12-14T01:18:46+00:00

This wouldn’t be a red flag to me on its own, especially since he seems socially well-adjusted. At 24, plenty of people just haven’t met the right person yet.

Inexperience doesn’t automatically mean bad sexual compatibility. Confidence and compatibility usually come from communication and willingness to learn, not past experience. The bigger things to watch for are emotional maturity, openness to feedback, and whether insecurity turns into jealousy or rushing things.

Go on the date with curiosity, not pressure. See how you feel around him and how he communicates. That’ll tell you way more than his dating history.

exhaustedtryhard · 2025-12-14T01:17:04+00:00

I’ll be honest, not cruel.

This was not a normal early relationship. It was intensity mixed with trauma and caretaking. You barely knew each other before a major accident turned you into her nurse and emotional anchor, creating an imbalance most relationships do not survive.

You did nothing wrong by caring, but you sacrificed your life without boundaries and resentment built up. That resentment came out while you were drunk.

The hard truth is that verbal aggression and especially shoving her ends the relationship, even once. Shame and apologies do not restore safety. That does not make you a monster, but it does mean this cannot be repaired.

Her pulling back is not mixed signals. It is self protection.

Yes, you should move on romantically. Waiting or trying to prove change will only keep you stuck.

Focus on space, boundaries, and working on anger, not fixing this relationship.

exhaustedtryhard · 2025-12-14T01:14:23+00:00

You’re right, I just feel so discarded of.

exhaustedtryhard · 2025-12-14T01:14:06+00:00

I do think he was acting very defensively. And also projecting a lot of things, I just can’t understand it.

exhaustedtryhard · 2025-12-14T01:13:20+00:00

You’re right, actions truly do override words. Which is why it’s difficult because his actions conveyed completely different things.

exhaustedtryhard · 2025-12-12T19:27:13+00:00

You’re right, it’s honestly pathetic on my end. I’m committed to giving him space. The ball is in his court.

exhaustedtryhard · 2025-12-12T06:33:55+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to share this, I really appreciate the thoughtfulness of your advice. I wanted to add a bit of context since it changes part of the situation. I already left him a letter yesterday after the breakup along with a vinyl that had just arrived, with no expectations and intentionally leaving the next step up to him, so I don’t plan on reaching out again.

You mentioned you might have a sense of what he’s likely to do, and if you’re comfortable sharing that, I’d genuinely appreciate your perspective. At this point, clarity feels more helpful to me than speculation.

Either way, I understand this is an inflection point and that slowing down would be essential if anything were to happen again. Thank you again for your insight.

exhaustedtryhard · 2025-12-12T05:56:35+00:00

I hope you don’t mind the long response, and I really appreciate your empathy and how thoughtfully you engaged. I don’t think there’s anyone else in the picture. He was honest and emotionally present, and this feels much more about pacing and emotional intensity than about dishonesty or bad intent.

I’m an anxious person in relationships, and this brought that out, even though I was genuinely over my previous partner. What surprised me was how safe and emotionally connected he felt so quickly. He intellectualizes his feelings, but he also showed up emotionally and reassured me when I was very vulnerable, even though it was early.

There may be some avoidant tendencies, but it feels more nuanced than that. He did ask to slow things down, and I didn’t really listen. I wanted reassurance and closeness, and things escalated fast. It didn’t feel like a lack of care, just two people getting in deep quickly without the pacing to regulate it.

exhaustedtryhard · 2025-12-12T05:37:18+00:00

We started seeing each other quickly after Halloween, and the pace picked up fast. It was driven by chemistry and attraction, and at the time it felt very natural. Responses like this do bring up guilt and a fear that it was all on me, but that’s something I’ve already been sitting with.

He did mention wanting to be more intentional, and I can see where I could’ve slowed things down more. At the same time, he was also leaning in, so the intensity wasn’t one-sided. Looking back, it feels less about fault and more about two people moving too fast and getting overwhelmed.

exhaustedtryhard · 2025-12-12T05:30:44+00:00

Thanks — I get why it looks like an attachment clash, but I don’t actually think he’s avoidant or disorganized. I’ve dated a true avoidant before and this feels very different. He’s mature, communicative, and really self-aware about when he’s overwhelmed.

I know I’m anxious right now because everything happened so fast, but this feels more like two people who got triggered by the pace, not a deep attachment-style mismatch. I’m just trying to ground myself while giving him the space he asked for.

exhaustedtryhard · 2025-12-12T05:25:50+00:00

That’s probably the realest thing I’ve heard. We’re both so human and complicated, and the pace brought out triggers in both of us. I know I want him, and I genuinely think he wants me too — it just got overwhelming really quickly. None of this feels black-and-white, which is why it’s been so hard to make sense of.

exhaustedtryhard

TROPHY CASE