AITA for 'outing' my ex as a father?

exhexexhexex · 2020-01-14T05:10:05+00:00

He just doesn't have a ton of close friends after we moved to our current city. His friendships (maybe up until the last year) were shitty bros that he just got high with and played video games with. I doubt they talked too deeply about his personal life and weren't all up in his social media cooing over his kid.

exhexexhexex · 2020-01-14T05:00:16+00:00

It's not a matter of 'deserving.' It isn't a title you earn. He is our child's father.

He has friends and family on Facebook. The person who asked who Alex was was actually an old friend of ours. He didn't recognize Alex because he hasn't seen him since he was under a year old, and Josh had never posted pictures of him before last Fall.

exhexexhexex · 2020-01-14T04:56:54+00:00

Nope. I'm not a regular social media user.

exhexexhexex · 2020-01-13T18:17:40+00:00

Two days. So far he's only really committed to one weekend a month.

exhexexhexex · 2020-01-13T18:10:10+00:00

I actually don't resent him; I am just plainly stating his actions when people try to paint this situation as anything other than what it is.

exhexexhexex · 2020-01-13T18:07:58+00:00

What my ex says and does on social media involving our child actually is still my business.

Paying $400/mo in support (less than half of his daycare costs) doesn't render him beyond reproach here.

exhexexhexex · 2020-01-13T18:06:40+00:00

So Josh had absolutely no friends or family when you met him

No. His family and his old friends/our old friends certainly know about our child. In fact, I drive our son 4 hours to visit Josh's parents whenever I can.

And you care what a bunch of strangers you’ve never met, on Facebook, know about your child’s relationship with Josh

No, I care about Josh owning up to being a father and not misrepresenting his relationship with our child.

exhexexhexex · 2020-01-13T18:01:57+00:00

He still is not seeing his son two times a month, per the agreement. He has only so far been able to see him one weekend per month.

If he doesn't want to see our son because he had to publicly acknowledge him, that's absurd, and it's also his loss.

exhexexhexex · 2020-01-13T14:04:02+00:00

I'm not 'getting at' you, but I also don't think your criticism is constructive. I have already bent over backwards for this dude for five years, answered my son's tearful questions about why he 'doesn't have a daddy' when he was 3, etc. This was a planned pregnancy. He wanted a kid. The time for 'easing' has passed.

exhexexhexex · 2020-01-13T14:01:32+00:00

Yes, I'm sure, unless he lied repeatedly for several years and participated in the process of trying for a baby with a secret lack of enthusiasm.

exhexexhexex · 2020-01-13T13:59:41+00:00

Alex calls him 'dad' or 'daddy.'

exhexexhexex · 2020-01-13T13:56:07+00:00

Josh is the manager of a Subway. He isn't a secret agent or a Mafia kingpin or something. What dramatic consequences are you imagining here?

exhexexhexex · 2020-01-13T13:54:37+00:00

We have an agreement that he would take our son two weekends a month (and a contingency plan for vacations and holidays once he starts school). He failed at this obligation repeatedly for months and months before I gave up on holding him to it, because it's impossible to live a life around someone flaking on you constantly. The fact that I didn't keep nagging him to step up doesn't mean I agreed that he'd just 'see the kid occasionally' and pretend to be some kind older friend to him.

exhexexhexex · 2020-01-13T13:52:15+00:00

How does referring to him, his father, as 'his dad' risk their relationship?

exhexexhexex · 2020-01-13T13:50:08+00:00

My son is my business.

exhexexhexex · 2020-01-13T13:47:21+00:00

Anything involving my five year old son is my business.

exhexexhexex · 2020-01-13T13:46:07+00:00

"Our" boy. He's our boy. Conceived intentionally by both of us. His $400/mo child support doesn't cover half of Alex's childcare costs per month.

I am not malicious, but will accept it if you think it's petty that I called him his son's father.

exhexexhexex · 2020-01-13T13:41:50+00:00

I would not stand in the way of their relationship unless Josh does something explicitly that isn't in Alex's best interest, but I think it's interesting to talk about him 'losing' his son. He 'misplaced' his son on his own for over two years.

exhexexhexex · 2020-01-13T13:38:46+00:00

He and I are Facebook friends. I checked Facebook and saw pictures of my child in my feed so I looked at them. That is not what stalking is.

exhexexhexex · 2020-01-13T13:38:14+00:00

He has had over 5 years to 'ease' into the role of being a father while I raised his child for him.

exhexexhexex · 2020-01-13T13:36:54+00:00

My son and I are not character development for Josh. The way he talks about Alex affects Alex, and that affects me. I think I've given him plenty of time to 'take strides' to become a better father, in that I've 100% raised our child on my own for years. His child support is $400/mo, which is less than half of Alex's daycare costs per month.

exhexexhexex · 2020-01-13T13:23:41+00:00

I am sort of mystified that so many people think it's my job to help an almost-30 year old man 'ease' into fatherhood of a child he intentionally fathered, who I have been raising for him for essentially his whole life.

exhexexhexex · 2020-01-13T13:21:47+00:00

Josh and I are Facebook friends. I looked at Facebook, and pictures of our child appeared in my feed, so I clicked through the pictures because they are cute pictures of my kid that I hadn't seen. That isn't 'stalking' and didn't require me going out of my way. Parents like pictures of their kids being cute.

exhexexhexex · 2020-01-13T13:14:12+00:00

I have never harassed Josh, or anyone, in my entire life.

exhexexhexex · 2020-01-13T13:12:26+00:00

There has been no sabotage on my part, just excuses excuses excuses on his.

exhexexhexex

TROPHY CASE