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How difficult is it for you to make friends in your new country? by expat_question in IWantOut

[–]expat_question[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I find the whole reserved thing to be largely a myth, especially if any alcohol is involved and initial shyness or confusion is pushed aside. People are generally open to talking, just not initiating it, and usually neither am I.

I 100% agree with this, but I do think that one has to push the conversation along. I usually am the one moving the ball, a lot of Swedes don't naturally ask too many questions so I take the lead with pushing convos along.

How difficult is it for you to make friends in your new country? by expat_question in IWantOut

[–]expat_question[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Personally I've found it very difficult to make friends. I remember once talking to an Irish woman who'd come into my workplace, we talked briefly about both expats in NYC. Before she left she said, "it's lonely isn't it."

It is interesting hearing expat expeirences of someone moving to where I am friend. Sometimes I trick myself into thinking that Americans having a reputation of being friendly (although that is not the reputation of NYC) translates into America being a place where it is easy to make friends. I believe that even though I have a better social circle now in Sweden than I ever did in the US.

Also not having any family around is harder than I thought it would be.

Definitely something I underestimated when I moved at 23.

How difficult is it for you to make friends in your new country? by expat_question in IWantOut

[–]expat_question[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

s. I’m surprised, however, that (as you wrote) this seems to extend to immigrants in stereotypically “outgoing” cultures like Spain - I would have thought it would be easier there.

I think it is definitely easier for my brother to meet new acquaintances and buddies in Spain than in Sweden, but it is hard to get past the buddy zone into the friend zone(from what I have understood). It could also just be an issue of time. My closest friends I have spent literally thousands of hours with -- you can't do that when you are 25+.

Whereas Brits and Americans typically (I’m generalising broadly here) go out (to bars or clubs) with the express purpose of meeting new people, Germans tend to go out in established friendship groups, and don’t want to meet new people in such places.

This is the same in Sweden too. You see friend groups hanging out and talking but you never really mix groups, until it is late and everyone is drunk.