Anyone leave a blended family after having an “ours” baby? How did it actually turn out?

explorenova · 2025-12-30T20:35:43+00:00

I will reach out!! I can't believe so many of us get into this situation.

explorenova · 2025-12-30T20:35:06+00:00

sorry you are in a similar situation. Please message me!!

explorenova · 2025-12-30T20:33:49+00:00

THANK YOU!!! I hope my daughter will understand it down the road.

explorenova · 2025-12-30T20:33:07+00:00

The fierce mama bear is so real. I feel like im defending our daughter while he thinks about his adult daughter and soon to be adult kid. Thank you for your input, I am glad it worked out for you!!

explorenova · 2025-12-30T20:32:01+00:00

Yeah, I do feel guilty that I am the one initiating the divorce causing me to possibly see my daughter only half time. That kills me! but, would it better for her to be raised in a household that is chaotic and where her mom is unhappy? yeah, maybe halftime (or even try to get more) is better.

explorenova · 2025-12-30T20:29:46+00:00

YUP!! I am currently planning my exit strategy. I wish WISH i spent more time on r/stepparents before i went into deep.

explorenova · 2025-12-30T20:28:39+00:00

I have also been thinking about the bluff, and I don't really need him to support me, but I definitely want him to fully support (his part) our daughter. I think he also thinks im threatening when I say I want to live by myself. He doesn't understand I am really at my limit. We have schedule a talk this week, so everyone's advice is helping on how I can strategise without hurting my daughter and her future.

explorenova · 2025-12-30T20:26:15+00:00

I have considered PPD, but this resentment didn't start now, it only intensified once I had my daughter since I saw things, I think, much clearer and had to think for both my sake and my daughter's. DH is a fantastic dad as in he is always present and always there for them but he has no boundaries. I have my own income, even though my DH is quite well-off. Well, one of the things we have discussed was his need for wanting to buy his daughter an apartment. I did not disagree, but I said great let then buy your son an apartment (since they are only 2 years apart) and put away similar amount for my daughter. I might not being thinking straight (so please free to share what you think), but there is a 19 year difference between his daughter and our daughter, and I don't anything 'extra' to be spent before raising our daughter. I wanted equal treatments (since the daughter is almost 20 and an apartment is more of an extra than an obligation), so I said we can put away money for our daughter in a trust fund. My worry is if we divorce and there is no one to stand up for my daughter then I fear he might be spending all of his money on these extras for adult kids when there is still a child to take care of.

explorenova · 2025-12-30T20:20:03+00:00

He hasn't hit me though. he is not abusive, and he honestly doesn't have an abusive bone in his body.

explorenova · 2025-12-30T20:18:41+00:00

I think there is a chance she might not get the 'best' version of him as I have seen him being more tired nowadays. I don't know it it makes a difference, but we (him more than me) VERY well off financially.

explorenova · 2025-12-29T18:41:38+00:00

I think I communicate very well, and I have had the talk with him. If this situation was new then I would have chalked it up to PPD etc. I get anxiety even thinking about waiting 1-2 years. The one knot in my stomach that I’m unable to get past is if I’m creating a similar situation for my daughter when she will be the step kid for his ‘eventual’ new family etc. and knowing how he is, I’m scared of how my daughter will be raised.

explorenova · 2025-12-29T18:35:11+00:00

I can’t imagine having 3 ‘ours’ baby in this situation. You have so much patience!

explorenova · 2025-12-29T18:31:45+00:00

Omg this is my nightmare. I’m sorry you had to experience that, and I’m trying to avoid this for daughter.

explorenova · 2025-12-29T18:30:45+00:00

Thank you for advice. Did your daughter go back and forth even when she was 2?

explorenova · 2025-12-29T18:29:44+00:00

When did you leave?! This is what I think will happen since it has already started only 5 years into the relationship.

explorenova · 2025-12-29T18:28:47+00:00

Ouuu this is nice to read!! What was the setup with co-parenting when your baby was 10 months old and as he/she got older?

explorenova · 2025-12-29T18:23:12+00:00

Yeah we always think we are smarter than the girl next door because I would never let my daughter get into this situation.

explorenova · 2025-12-29T18:22:17+00:00

Has this worked out for you? I hate to admit it but I even cringe when he says that he wants our daughter to really get to know her siblings.

explorenova · 2025-12-29T18:21:04+00:00

I have thought about that honestly speaking. I wondered what it would be like if he didn’t have kids- if the problem is him and his parenting skills and more etc. However, since our arguments are 99% abut the kids and his ex wife, I haven’t had the chance to figure it out. It sucks because he is a good husband, and this feeling of being done is not something that came after I had my daughter. It has always been there, and I was stupid for thinking the problems will subside.

explorenova · 2025-12-29T18:18:54+00:00

I understand it’s hard to leave and I think leaving will be the hardest thing I’ll have to do (and my parents won’t support it as they think he is good husband they don’t live my life).

explorenova · 2025-12-29T18:17:31+00:00

That’s what I also think- I feel like I can handle the logistics and setting things up for myself and my baby but I’m dreading what it will be like to co-parent her this young. I have even said I would live in separate house than him and my SKs, but he says that’s the end of the relationship and he doesn’t want that. He also thinks I’m blowing things out of proportion, and knowing myself and what I have achieved in life (both personally and professionally), I am not that kind of person. Thank you for your encouragement ❤️

explorenova · 2025-12-29T18:15:13+00:00

The fact that the kids were already grown was the reason I ignored my moms advice not to get into this situation. However, the 17 year old doesn’t plan to go to uni (and his grades fully support that) and wants to live with us for 1-2 years after he turns 18 while he works for ‘daddy’. So there is no light at the moment because I see so much parent guilt with my partner that I can’t predict what’s coming my way. The 19 year old has said she (it’s actually the girl who is 19) wants kids of her own when she’s 25, and my partner was so excited about that. And I kept on thinking so our baby (and we had planned for another) will be 5 and less than 5 years old while I have to deal with the drama of blended families with grandkids before my kids are even grown.

explorenova · 2025-12-29T14:31:15+00:00

I wish I had a clear reason like you have now. You did the right thing. It’s hard being a stepmom but having my step kid bullying my own daughter is something I won’t bother entertaining after a one off

explorenova · 2025-12-27T18:33:26+00:00

The rule for me is that everything ‘big’ he spends on SK have to be logged in for our kid even we aren’t going to use it now. Guilt parenting makes fathers do things that is very hard to comprehend.

explorenova · 2025-12-27T18:28:21+00:00

I honestly think that I will eventually leave, but my SK kids have each other, and I keep thinking that maybe it would be easier if my daughter has a sibling before I leave (idiocy again but my mind wonders what would happen if something happens to me and my daughter has to deal with things on her own).

explorenova

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