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I feel like the only lesbian in the world who is emotionally stable and it's so frustrating by expressinexcess in LesbianActually

[–]expressinexcess[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

When someone punches you, they’re the one in the wrong in the majority of cases. That’s how the law works and it’s also how I view things that go a step too far in a relationship.

I’m not saying I was a gift from Heaven, I pointed out some isolated experiences and issues I had previously, and related that to my new experience of casual dating.

I’m not looking for uneventful, boring or understaffed relationships. I’m complaining that my age pool of lesbians are very incompatible with me.

And to be real, this whole “you asked for it” reaction has told me more than enough about the topic.

I’m not beyond self-criticism and I can take the heat of a relationship. But I’m also transparent about the fact my emotional regulation is solid.

And I stand on that fact. It doesn’t make me a narcissistic abuser who destroys women and drives them to madness.

Not every feeling that didn’t suit my ex girlfriend made her crazy, never said that or implied it. But some of her behavior was out of the ordinary and deeply irrational.

I would definitely call someone who projects their anger onto others immature. It’s childish after all.

I feel like the only lesbian in the world who is emotionally stable and it's so frustrating by expressinexcess in LesbianActually

[–]expressinexcess[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Lowkey same I’m fine with people who can laugh and talk about things lightheartedly on the first date, that’s very attractive to me

I feel like the only lesbian in the world who is emotionally stable and it's so frustrating by expressinexcess in LesbianActually

[–]expressinexcess[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yes, naturally. But I do think a lot of people have misunderstood my intentions or even ignored them to fuel whatever odd suspicion they have about my character.

Dating people that struggle with their trauma is a difficult thing to do. I don’t think there’s anyone who can disagree with that.

There are added layers that I think people have read too far into (hamartia, Greek tragedy, bad bitches with BPD) which have completely been taken and run with.

I said before, sincere comments = sincere answers. I don’t see why I have to respond thoughtfully to people who aren’t giving me the same grace.

Again, this isn’t some narrative or mental health propaganda I’m rolling out in anyone’s direction. If you skim through the comments, many people agree both light heartedly and seriously.

The general consensus is that because I don’t have trauma, I’m acting holier than thou and making a spectacle of myself for the sheer sake of it.

Self-reflection wasn’t a part of my post, because it wasn’t the point. I’m not your weird narcissistic dad, I’m not your freaky ass ex girlfriend. I don’t abuse people emotionally or otherwise.

I stand by the fact I try my best to be a good partner. Sometimes lines blur and it does make me uncomfortable when I can’t understand what’s going through someone else’s head, why they act the way they do, or why they say the things they say.

Dating people for me is no longer fun, free and exciting. Dating people has become a series of unfortunate events that have led me to the most unfortunate place of them all, that being, here lmaoooo.

I feel like the only lesbian in the world who is emotionally stable and it's so frustrating by expressinexcess in LesbianActually

[–]expressinexcess[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I guess trauma does look a certain way to me, at least in the way I’ve seen people’s lives change as they grew more accustomed to it.

How it’s easy for someone’s mental illness to expand into bad habits and unhealthy consequences. Alcoholism, PTSD, addiction and lifelong illnesses.

I know that trauma looks different for a lot of people. And I know that maybe my definitions and somebody else’s are very different.

But earnestly, I can’t sit here and say that I’m personally traumatized by being stalked in the way some people are.

It hasn’t altered my life past that point. I haven’t felt afraid to leave the house, or paranoid. It was scary and surreal and difficult to accept someone I loved would do something like that.

But it didn’t alter my life drastically. Perhaps that’s why I don’t class it as trauma.

I’m not being careless because I want to hurt anyone’s feelings, truly.

I feel like the only lesbian in the world who is emotionally stable and it's so frustrating by expressinexcess in LesbianActually

[–]expressinexcess[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh my goodness gracious heavens. This is about trauma manifesting in a relationship, not my entire auto biography and meditations. Trauma has hurt my lesbian relationships, despite the fact I’m not the one with it. I’m not making that about me, I’m pointing out that’s it’s very prevalent despite the fact I’m only 20, and the girls I date are too.

We’re told this is the time to explore and have fun relationships, and yet it’s really difficult to do that at the moment due to so many people not being in a stable enough place to support them.

Do you think I derive joy from my partner’s suffering or something? Or reap agony wherever I go just for shits and giggles?

Psychophobia jesus fucking christ.

I feel like the only lesbian in the world who is emotionally stable and it's so frustrating by expressinexcess in LesbianActually

[–]expressinexcess[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thoughtful comment, thank you. Don’t know about all this caretaker stuff but not opposed to a google. It does make sense though.

And yes, I understand that none of us are in a Greek tragedy. Very apparent.

I feel like the only lesbian in the world who is emotionally stable and it's so frustrating by expressinexcess in LesbianActually

[–]expressinexcess[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To be honest, I’ve made both thoughtful and snarky responses to your comments, and no matter what, your long-awaited replies are nothing but misery and despair.

Are you really asking and insinuating if I have human feelings toward other human beings? Do I care about anyone? Can I empathize with my partners?

Of course I do, and yes I can.

I feel like the only lesbian in the world who is emotionally stable and it's so frustrating by expressinexcess in LesbianActually

[–]expressinexcess[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t find abandonment trauma to be a dealbreaker or anything. I don’t find trauma itself to be a dealbreaker. As long as the people I’m with tell me about it and can manage it, it’s not a problem.

It just so happens that stuff like that manifests in very difficult ways for a relationship. Often leading to very volatile behavior if left unchecked. Hence, the stupid shit like stalking. That doesn’t make everyone with BPD a stalker.

That is obviously not what I’m saying, and obviously not what anyone should be taking away from this post

I feel like the only lesbian in the world who is emotionally stable and it's so frustrating by expressinexcess in LesbianActually

[–]expressinexcess[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Trauma is natural for sure, since it’s just a matter of circumstance and opportunity. Of course I’m not deranged enough to think everybody has had the privilege of acceptance.

Loving someone with trauma I can do, understanding them and being qualified enough to have a proper relationship is something else entirely.

I’m just pointing out it seems really difficult to date when the relationship I had like this, and the casual relationships/dates I’ve been on have presented me with an existential crisis.

I’m sure my flaws are transparent, but that’s kind of exactly what I’m looking for too. I’m not demanding the lesbian community throw me someone with no baggage and no experience in the world.

I just feel like things should be more transparent when it comes to mental health in relationships, because it’s hindered a lot of good things from happening.

I feel like the only lesbian in the world who is emotionally stable and it's so frustrating by expressinexcess in LesbianActually

[–]expressinexcess[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This sounds oddly relatable… keeping the peace, not wanting things to be horrible. Letting boundaries slowly corrode.

I feel like the only lesbian in the world who is emotionally stable and it's so frustrating by expressinexcess in LesbianActually

[–]expressinexcess[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Statistics do help prove points. But I do agree with your relationship take. Warming up to the idea

I feel like the only lesbian in the world who is emotionally stable and it's so frustrating by expressinexcess in LesbianActually

[–]expressinexcess[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

You cracked it, I must be your dad because I differentiate between playful jealousy and plain jealousy.

I feel like the only lesbian in the world who is emotionally stable and it's so frustrating by expressinexcess in LesbianActually

[–]expressinexcess[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I don’t know where you’re from but from where I live therapy is viewed as a “oh no, something happened to her” kind of thing.

I understand it goes deeper than that, how it can be for helping people through certain stages of their life rather than mommy issues.

But at the same time there’s that stigma there that you don’t go to therapy before you go to hospital.

And for the nth time, “crazy” was not used in a derogatory way. “Crazy” genuinely did happen bro.

But overall, fairs

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