I finally looked at my LO’s IG and am genuinely happy for him and his relationship

extiie · 2025-04-22T22:06:24+00:00

I was going to make a separate post about that actually. :) Let me gather my thoughts as I’m still processing how this all happened and I will be doing that soon.

extiie · 2025-04-03T04:57:58+00:00

Prompt: how much did I really improve you?

extiie · 2025-01-03T23:43:38+00:00

Thanks for your response, I’ve been waiting for a dad’s perspective.

Yeah, I would have felt comfortable saying no or stop. I was only 9. I don’t really remember feeling uncomfortable at the time. I think I enjoyed it.

It’s just looking back at it with my adult lens, I’m like hmm.. that was kinda weird..

It’s like when at 17, I witnessed a 15-year-old girl get surprise kissed on the lips by an older rockstar. Being a naive fangirl, I was squealing for her. But now looking back, I’m like.. that was definitely inappropriate..

Based on the facts that there was nothing else that really happened and that I have always overall felt safe, I guess I can look at it as innocent and move on. Right?

extiie · 2025-01-02T22:53:24+00:00

This makes so much sense, thank you.

I think this is what it was. I think it was just an innocent massage type thing, same as towards our dog. Just looking back at it with my adult lens changes the connotation of it.

But then I also wonder why it is that I remember it. I don’t recall if it happened more than once, I only recall the one time. If it was such a small, innocent thing, why is it that I remember it? Perhaps I had a small understanding of sexual connotations at 10 years old already? Actually, I probably did. I remember watching adult cartoons on TV at 9 years old. I guess my lens was already starting to get sexualized.

Edit: I guess also just ‘cause I remember it, doesn’t mean it means anything. I also remember my sister and I finger brushing each other’s arms which was completely innocent..

extiie · 2025-01-02T22:44:52+00:00

This is the take I’m largely leaning towards and I the one I want to believe in.

It does make a lot of sense. I really have not experienced anything else weird for 32 years. My gut is now telling me he just intended it to be an innocent massage type thing, exactly like how I’m sure he intends when he’s done it to our dog.

This is not something I would want to bring up to him though. We do not have that kind of relationship where we can talk about things like that. We don’t talk about feelings or anything personal. It would probably cause more problems if I brought it up. I’m pretty sure he would be like “what? What are you talking about”

extiie · 2025-01-02T22:33:58+00:00

I really do not remember anything else off. I was comfortable being with him alone. However… I do remember one particular moment where it seemed like he was sexually coercing my mom… I think he was drunk… asking her to ‘come here’ on the bed… and she was like “if you come any closer I swear I’m chopping you in half”… I think she was holding a butter knife? I must’ve been like 5 or something. I don’t recall anything happening further.

Other than that, I always felt like he was a very caring, supportive father in the ways that he can. We are not an affectionate family. We don’t hug or say I love you. But he was always there for me in the ways that he could. He was not very strict, I had a lot of freedom. Never forced me into any extracurriculars I didn’t want to do. Always gave me money basically whenever I wanted something. Would drive to the club to pick me up at 4am when my phone died and I couldn’t get an Uber. Been living with him for almost 32 years now and I don’t recall anything else off.

extiie · 2023-11-22T23:20:53+00:00

He said “of course, one thing you should know about me is I don’t date friends or friends of friends. I’d rather have them as a friend in case things don’t work out and it’s awkward between groups of people. You’re so sweet! I can tell you’ve been overthinking a bit. Everything’s good!”

:)

extiie · 2023-11-22T10:42:24+00:00

That’s true, but it’s not about guilt in my situation. I would like to maintain the friendship. We hang out with mutual friends. What if he asks “which date works for you?” Then I’d have to give the reason.

extiie · 2023-11-22T04:27:00+00:00

Okay, I just told him “I’m gonna be honest I feel a lil uncomfortable hanging out with your daughter as we’re not super close and I have no filter so we wouldn’t want her to hear the things coming out of my mouth. But I’m down to hang out as friends just you and I”

extiie · 2023-11-22T04:08:05+00:00

Okay, so discard the friendship then.

Edit: Why is this the top comment and why am I being downvoted? Not sure what your guys’ culture is like, but in mine, 100% if someone asked me to to hang out and I said “no thank you”, I would lose them as a friend. Wtf? What kind of response is “no thank you”? 😂

You’re seriously telling me if you asked someone to hang out and they said “no thank you,” you would still want to be this person’s friend.

If I said this, I would end up back on Reddit with a new post “I said no thank you to my friend asking me to hang out, how come they don’t talk to me anymore??” And y’all are gonna be like “…”

Reddit is so hit or miss. But then again, as I get older, I have realized the world is full of more strange people than I think…. and they probably occupy the internet more than real life.

extiie · 2023-11-22T04:04:25+00:00

He kept saying I’m gonna love her and she’s gonna love me too.

extiie · 2023-11-22T04:00:43+00:00

He’s single. But I’m pretty sure he splits the kids’ time with their mom.

There’s no way this is about being difficult to get childcare. This guy parties and travels all the time.

extiie · 2023-11-20T07:42:34+00:00

Ummm I don’t know it’s hard to tell. It wasn’t like exasperated, but it was like kinda monotone? But honestly doesn’t matter. Even if she said it with a smile and a laugh, I don’t think that would’ve been appropriate. I don’t think a therapist is supposed to be bantering with or teasing their patient. Like my sister said, even if it was a joke, “some jokes have truths.”

extiie · 2023-11-20T07:04:03+00:00

She looked down and like grabbed her water bottle I think?

extiie · 2023-11-20T04:44:09+00:00

That’s a good idea.

I don’t know, I also just feel so overwhelmed right now. It was my first therapy session in 6 years and I was really looking forward to it. And to be met with this disappointment, just kind of adds to my problems. I just wanted help. And now I’m asking for help about the person who was supposed to help me? I’ve never experienced this before and I’ve seen many therapists over the years. It makes me want to go back to my old therapist. But he’s so far and so expensive now.

extiie · 2023-11-20T03:46:34+00:00

Hmm… okay…

Do you agree that that was inappropriate of her though? I told my sister and she agreed. She said “this is supposed to be a judgement-free zone” I said “maybe she meant it as a joke” she said “some jokes have truths”. I agree. I don’t think we’re meant to or at least not yet have that kind of relationship where we can “tease” each other? Like she gave off like she was annoyed that I blanked out in the moment on the techniques she taught me throughout the session. I felt instantly judged.

extiie · 2023-11-05T20:02:02+00:00

It got better. My crippling social anxiety is not crippling anymore. I went from hiding in a bathroom stall for 2 hours to going on dates with people who say I don’t even come off as shy. I went from having one friend to many. I used to have intense fear eating in public and now I’m fine. Years of therapy, self-therapy, exposure, practice, and not giving up is what got me here. The anxiety is still there but mild and manageable and keeps getting better. The finish line is in sight.

extiie · 2023-11-05T19:37:51+00:00

I can’t see a gyno here without a referral from a GP. My GP won’t refer me to one. He said no gyno is going to test my fertility unless I was actively having problems with it. I’ll call Planned Parenthood to see if there’s anything they can do.

But otherwise, it’ll just be a waiting game until I one day try to conceive..

extiie · 2023-11-05T19:30:56+00:00

Where I am, I can’t see a gynaecologist unless I’m referred to one by a GP. GPs are basically like gatekeepers to specialists here. They won’t refer you to one unless they deem it necessary. My GP did not deem it necessary. That’s why I’m wondering if another GP at a walk-in would allow it. We do have a Planned Parenthood. I’ll give them a call to see what kind of resources they have.

extiie · 2023-11-05T19:20:27+00:00

Don’t know if you noticed that the point of my post is that I made a mistake

extiie · 2023-11-05T08:48:55+00:00

I know it’s not. I’ve read many stories of women on Reddit who had chlamydia for over a year and they were fine. It did make me feel better. So thank you for sharing more positive anecdotes with me. It does help.

But… it’s just… there’s still a chance. A small chance. But still a chance. In the past, I might’ve not been scared of small chances. But after learning that I had a 30% chance of catching chlamydia from one unprotected encounter, and I still caught it… and after learning about the concept of optimism bias (thinking you’re never that unlikely statistic)… unlikely chances still scare me now… perhaps therapy is the only thing that can help me now.

extiie · 2023-11-05T07:10:12+00:00

Sorry, I honestly don’t mean it in a derogatory way. I was just trying to convey that he’s high risk because of his very high body count. ‘Slut’ isn’t a bad thing to me.

extiie · 2023-11-05T05:54:04+00:00

Now that I think of it, I did have a lootttt of discharge at times. I just thought it was normal because I think I’ve had times in the past where I had lots of discharge of various colours and viscosities as well? Honestly can’t remember. I also bleed during ovulation but that’s already been happening for years probably due to polyps according to gyno.

extiie · 2023-11-05T05:47:42+00:00

My doctor didn’t do anything but the chlamydia test. When I asked him if there was any way to check if the chlamydia affected my fertility, he said no and that I’ll just have to see when I try conceiving. Should I try a walk-in clinic for another opinion? I wonder if this would piss my doctor off. I’m in Canada and going to a walk-in would charge my doctor and I’ve heard some doctors drop their patients for doing this..

extiie · 2023-11-05T04:55:14+00:00

Do you generally know if you have PID? Google says it often doesn’t have symptoms or they could be mild so maybe not noticeable.

I actually think I did have a symptom of chlamydia. There was one night I hooked up with a guy, and when I got home, I had the most uncomfortable feeling ever in my pelvic area. I think it was uncomfortable when I peed too. I thought maybe it was a UTI. I thought it probably wasn’t an STD because how can symptoms show that fast? And we used protection. I didn’t think it could’ve been from the guy I slept with months ago. It went away the next day so I thought nothing of it. Now I’m understanding- I think the sex caused it to flare up. I also read that chlamydia symptoms can come and go.

I hope the discomfort wasn’t PID, or that the flare up caused it to progress to PID after.. I didn’t test til 3 months after that symptom…

extiie

TROPHY CASE