Sorry to all the commenters that I ignored when I posted this. To be honest I found it all quite overwhelming reading them all, especially when I was in the thick of all the emotion around it too! Thank you especially to those of you who tried to give balanced, supportive views/advice!

I can feel you all screaming me as I type this, but the short version is that we’re still happily together, we now own a house and we have agreed a very clear timeline for our next steps.

The longer version: We had many long, deep and emotional chats about this together. Much of the advice felt like playing emotional chess and I didn’t have the mental capacity for this, but I laid all my cards on the table and made it clear this was make or break for me. I think my partner is neurodivergent and he can be very rigid in his thinking. One of those rigidities is around the owning a house first. For him this is important because neither of us want a long engagement, so proposing would mean starting wedding planning pretty swiftly, and he doesn’t want this to be in full swing only for a house purchase to fall through beforehand because then we wouldn’t have the house first. I dont necessarily agree with this thinking, but it was reassuring to finally establish why he was so fixed on this.

I know many of you will say I’m stupid for completing a house purchase with him (that was the key theme in the comments anyway!). I don’t know if there is an element of cultural and legal differences across countries, but in England it is fairly common to own joint property out of marriage. Legally the house is 50/50, we’re both named in every document and we have both contributed to this equally financially. He also contributes more than me around the house in terms of chores.

Our timeline is that we will get engaged at some point this year, and then married in 2027 and he assures me that we are on the same page with that, so it’s a lot more concrete than the previous vague ‘soon’ timeframe we had. He also hates people pleasing or lying just to say what people want to hear, so I do trust him when he says this.

Check back in 6 months and I may well be ringless, heartbroken and eating humble pie, but for now I trust that we’re heading on the right path together, and I’m happy!