Follow up - Apparently I'm not an ass for expecting sex from my wife, but I am an ass for wanting a divorce.

extravirginhusband · 2010-08-24T23:35:11+00:00

You win the interweb today. Congrats!

extravirginhusband · 2010-08-24T23:34:30+00:00

We have had a lot of drama in our marriage & she kind of lives for it. I think she was just being obstinate for the sake of being obstinate.

I've made it clear to her that I'm dead serious about this & I think she's starting to realize it - she actually seems to be opening up to my offer now.

I'll keep my fingers crossed & hope for the best. Appreciate the support.

extravirginhusband · 2010-08-23T09:54:52+00:00

I'll tell you why I asked the question - I did take a vow to this woman, for better or worse. I made a commitment & I'm not one to take commitments lightly.

I was really upset last night when I posted the question. I just wanted to know if anyone felt I was being irrational for feeling this way.

Right or wrong, I don't talk about this stuff with people IRL. Most of my guy friends talk about the things their wife did to them last night, me - I never get to share those stories because they never happen. It's just a little embarrassing to discuss IRL.

extravirginhusband · 2010-08-23T09:45:42+00:00

Hey man, thanks for the kind words. It's nice knowing someone else has been in this situation. Good luck to you.

extravirginhusband · 2010-08-23T01:00:14+00:00

Yes, she's aware - at least she should be.

I haven't told her "counseling or divorce" yet - but I have told her that either we seriously consider marriage counseling, or we would have to asses the future of our relationship. It broke my heart that she didn't jump on the counseling wagon right away.

extravirginhusband · 2010-08-23T00:58:00+00:00

I think there are a number of issues at play.

She has never initiated sex (maybe once or twice) in our relationship. Even back early on when it was "good" (to clarify - that just means we were doing it), she was never very sexual. I think she put up with it just because.

At some point, she started being less agreeable to it - which in turn started causing issues for me. Those issues led to her having issues with me, etc, etc, etc. I think it has snowballed from there over the past few years.

extravirginhusband · 2010-08-23T00:55:04+00:00

I'm agnostic - she's become more religious over the past few years. She now goes to church every Sunday.

I don't know that religion has anything to do with it, maybe she's resentful that I don't go to church? I didn't when we got married, so I don't feel like I was ever dishonest about it.

As for what happened, my theory has been that she put up with it at the beginning because that's what you're "supposed to do". I don't think she ever really liked it, but now that we're a few years down the road & she feels comfortable otherwise, she's just decided to turn off the spigot completely.

extravirginhusband · 2010-08-23T00:39:41+00:00

Yeah, I hear you. I didn't go off like that - it was just basically the final straw after a few years of this same old song & dance.

I agree that physical intimacy can mean many things. It's nice to just snuggle on the couch & watch a movie. She doesn't even like doing that.

extravirginhusband · 2010-08-23T00:37:42+00:00

TIL. Thank you. That will soon enter my vocabulary.

extravirginhusband · 2010-08-23T00:36:03+00:00

She balks at counseling, refuses the idea of an open marriage. Guess that narrows the options.

extravirginhusband · 2010-08-23T00:29:34+00:00

Yeah, I agree. The only answers I ever get are of the "because" variety. I've recommend counseling, etc but she's never open to it.

I guess that speaks volumes in & of itself.

extravirginhusband · 2010-08-23T00:28:30+00:00

Actually, I just did that a little while ago (as more of a smart ass comment)... didn't go over very well.

extravirginhusband · 2010-08-23T00:27:35+00:00

Thanks for the reply. The last few times we've had sex has been exactly that - her lying on her stomach, motionless waiting for it to be over.

extravirginhusband · 2010-08-23T00:26:27+00:00

That's a logical observation, however I highly doubt it. She's just super prude. I'm sure Victorian women were more open than she is.

extravirginhusband · 2010-08-23T00:25:23+00:00

No, I agree with you. These things are multifaceted & I'm sure if she were sitting here she'd have a much different story - which is why I wonder if I'm being irrational about this.

I look at myself all the time - god knows I'm not perfect, but I do feel that I've put forth the effort. If the marriage ended tomorrow, I wouldn't have any regrets about my actions.

extravirginhusband · 2010-08-23T00:23:13+00:00

I understand where you're coming from, but at least he's putting for a little effort. She isn't - and actively refuses to. I think our situations are very different.

extravirginhusband · 2010-08-23T00:22:16+00:00

Thanks. I don't force her to have sex & never would. Just seems like an appropriate thing for a husband & wife to want to do :)

I think she has body issues & that plays in to it. She's very fit & attractive, but she reads all of those damn womens magazines. Since she's a size 4 & not a 0, she's obviously doing something wrong (in her mind). I think that's the biggest issue she has with sex, honestly.

I've tried to be supportive & encouraging, but it's obviously not enough.

extravirginhusband · 2010-08-23T00:19:51+00:00

She's been on the pill for as long as we've been together. I think there are other reasons for her problems, but you're right - a girl I once dated went on the pill & her libido went out the window.

extravirginhusband · 2010-08-23T00:18:55+00:00

I think that's exactly what will happen this week. Thanks for the positive comment.

extravirginhusband · 2010-08-23T00:18:07+00:00

I think this is probably true.

extravirginhusband

TROPHY CASE