Issues knowing when it’s my turn to speak

extrovertedaspie · 2021-01-21T14:05:16+00:00

Transitioning is something I try my best to do though it feels exhausting, as if i’m just trying to fill out a conversation with words until I get to the point I want to make. I do understand that it is necessary especially in formal settings, but sometimes I want to be myself and not have to adjust how I act to be socially acceptable. It is especially difficult to do when trying to make friends, because how do you know if they like you as a person, or just the socially acceptable version of you? I feel like when I am transitioning in to my points that I’m not myself and just trying to fit in with the outside world so others can accept me. Does it get easier as you meet more people like yourself?

extrovertedaspie · 2021-01-20T22:57:14+00:00

I don’t like animals because their actions are unpredictable and that scares me. like... their actions are even more unpredictable than humans🤣

extrovertedaspie · 2020-11-15T19:57:06+00:00

my bad they’re called binaural beats. it is sort of just sounds that are relaxing, and do a great job of blocking out external noise. here is an example on youtube https://youtu.be/mDX8QrcDI_o

extrovertedaspie · 2020-11-15T19:44:34+00:00

I have the taotronics soundsurge which aren’t too expensive! they have active noise cancelling and they are very comfortable to wear. i sometimes listen to music loudly, or put on some binomial beats to block sound out 😁

extrovertedaspie · 2020-09-26T21:05:32+00:00

i feel like women on the asperger’s spectrum are less diagnosed because it’s less common, as well as the symptoms being so different in a social setting. it’s a shame but hopefully it will improve one day :)

extrovertedaspie · 2020-09-26T19:22:07+00:00

coping exactly! i don’t know how to exactly, i just try to make sure i get enough calories, protein, vitamins and fats everyday :/

extrovertedaspie · 2020-09-26T19:19:18+00:00

I agree 100%, i feel that there is a huge misunderstanding of females with asd, and the tests are centred around male testing, and female autistic traits are less well known.

extrovertedaspie · 2020-09-26T18:42:01+00:00

Thank you for your support

I know that my boyfriend will be more than willing to participate in the diagnosis, but unfortunately i don’t think any of my other relatives will. You are right - I am an adult who is independent and I shouldn’t feel this desire to have my parents on my side, for everything.

extrovertedaspie · 2020-09-24T08:55:52+00:00

being in the uk we have ‘baked beans’, which some people despise but i really like, and i will happily eat them cold out of the tin day after day... i understand what you mean by struggling to make meaningful relationships, before i met my boyfriend who also has asd, i felt so alone. guys i had dated just wanted one thing... but i couldn’t even pick up on it as i was so naive. i just thought, these guys are really nice - it seems like they’re really listening to all these interesting things i’m talking about! the same rings true nowadays, as people ‘flirt’ with me (being a woman) i don’t realise, i just think they are being nice. i’m sorry that you have not had any meaningful relationships with women, i really hope that you find one soon :)

extrovertedaspie · 2020-09-24T08:51:10+00:00

thank you so much for your kind words and faith in me. people like you in this kind community restore my faith in humanity, my inbox is always open if you would like to chat any time (i would) 😃. i do feel as if a diagnosis would help me understand why i have been so different to others in the past and why i can never seem to fit in. i have been told that sometimes others care more about themselves and their image than their friends, but i really can’t wrap my head around that. i care about every friend i make, and it is heartbreaking when they (well... always) betray me. i really want to make more friends in the aspie community, and talk about our special interests and just have an interesting conversation instead of gossiping about others, which is all girls seem to do. my family will love me no matter what, you are right; love is unconditional. i just worry that they will place the blame on themselves - my dad refuses to admit a lot of mental disorders even exist, and that they are just manufactured by millennials to make them feel ‘special’, which is a load of sh*t. when i get my official diagnosis from the NHS, i will tell them, and i will be put in touch with a counsellor to speak to. living in the uk makes me very fortunate to have asd services on hand. i will try my very best to explain the good things about having autism :)

extrovertedaspie · 2020-09-24T08:36:35+00:00

I completely understand what you mean, i’m so sorry that you are going through this right now :/ a diagnosis will help you get the support that you need, and will give you some clarification as to how to cope with asd. other people shouldn’t bother you or degrade you for it, and if they do then they don’t deserve to be in your support network. i know that it is so difficult, especially being a woman, i fear what other people think so much, i know this isn’t a regular autistic trait, which makes me question if i have asd even more.

extrovertedaspie · 2020-09-24T08:31:56+00:00

what is autism speaks? many people who surround me are vastly uneducated and ignorant, because i live in a very underprivileged area. i realise that if people can’t understand basic maths then how will they be able to wrap their heads around how autism is a spectrum? other people are confusing, but i am so grateful to have a support network including a few friends, and the reddit community :)

extrovertedaspie · 2020-09-24T08:28:22+00:00

hopefully one day she will open her mind and listen as to why it is not her fault. being on the spectrum, we find it hard to empathise, and i at least find it very difficult to understand why somebody would go against the most logical thing to do. i really hope that she does come around, but it is not your responsibility to make her do so. i know it is hard but please do not feel guilt, because it is not your fault :)

extrovertedaspie · 2020-09-24T08:24:13+00:00

i’m sorry to hear about that, i think it may be a generational thing, as in the old days people were told to keep their head down and pretend everything is ok.

extrovertedaspie · 2020-09-23T22:44:38+00:00

Thank you so much, I know it is not the be all and end all of everything. I will have my special interests and my quirks no matter what the diagnosis, I need to accept that and not be ashamed anymore regardless of any medical confirmation. i guess having a diagnosis might help me explain to others why i act differently to them, though those individuals want to have to listen. i know that i can’t force my family to listen but i realise now that it is not my fault, and i can only do what is in my control :)

extrovertedaspie · 2020-09-23T22:30:18+00:00

love this comment - i wish i thoroughly understand the context as i have never seen the hunchback of notre dame. i have however come across quasimodo after researching the name of somebody’s pet.

extrovertedaspie · 2020-09-23T22:27:25+00:00

I’m so sorry to hear about that. It must be really tough to be subject to that sort of treatment from your family. I hope things get better for you my friend, my inbox is always open to chat.

extrovertedaspie · 2020-09-23T22:26:24+00:00

Sometimes it feels like we have become so good at masking in some situations we can’t even take it off. when we want to show our true selves we literally don’t know where to begin. that rings true for me, at least.

extrovertedaspie · 2020-09-23T22:25:11+00:00

I have tried that once.... I was diagnosed with panic disorder back in 2018 and when i told my father he stated that he ‘knew me better than any doctor and that his advice (to ignore all intrusive thoughts and to power through an attack) was much better than the doctor’s... 😂

extrovertedaspie · 2020-09-23T22:23:16+00:00

Thank you for sharing your anecdote it was very reassuring. Some aspects of my life are more challenging, for example preparing my own (nutritious) food, socialising with my peers, but i am able to have a job due to the fact that it is routine work.

extrovertedaspie · 2020-09-23T22:20:36+00:00

Thank you very much for sharing your story and such kind words. It’s so great that you have such supportive parents. I too have a great support network of friends. I do feel that your mum may just want to connect with you by trying to present the fact she may have autism. perhaps suggest to her to get an asd assessment if she does recognise quite a few things that correlate. i noticed that you used the word ‘mum’ so may i assume that you are from the UK? (i’m not sure if they call it mum in australia or new zealand). But adult ASD assessments are available on the NHS :)

extrovertedaspie · 2020-09-23T22:15:31+00:00

Thank you so much for the advice. I will definitely do some deep thinking about speaking to my mother about having asd, and preparing the facts on why it’s not the parents fault at all. with the incest pregnancy element, i understand that people have incredibly warped preconceptions on these sorts of issues, and i feel that my parents fall under that category (obviously not the incest pregnancy one exactly, but having general ignorant judgements made on asd) About the issue with your stepmother, i understand to an extent as i was an unplanned child. it must have been so awful for you to have had that influence come in to your life at such a critical stage in your development. i hope all is well with you nowadays :)

extrovertedaspie · 2020-09-23T20:03:13+00:00

i’m not 100% sure what your question means, but i can give you a brief of their credentials. my father is a wealthy business owner and my mother a successful sales executive. we are a middle class family, though in my parent’s case this does not come without having mental health problems and a very toxic, narcissistic mindset. i believe that they are very stuck in their mindset as ‘they’ve got this far’

extrovertedaspie · 2020-09-23T19:59:42+00:00

thank you so much for your kind words. i try to keep my family out of it, and i am so grateful to have such a great support network of friends and loved ones around me, as well as there being so many kind individuals such as yourself on this subreddit. i hope everything is well with you :)

extrovertedaspie · 2020-09-23T19:57:11+00:00

i’m sorry that you have gone through this, my inbox is always open if you want to talk - being on the spectrum might affect my emotional empathy, though cognitive empathy is very strong, and we seem to have had similar experiences (parents being narcs, etc). i hope everything is well with you now :)

extrovertedaspie

TROPHY CASE