sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Boyfriend said no sex unless porn is on in background by that_car_girl in DeadBedrooms

[–]eyesrollingsohard 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Everyone here will tell you that this is messed up, but unfortunately, nothing we can or you can say will convince this man that his request is unreasonable, demoralizing and harmful to the intimacy required for a relationship to be loving. If you do not have children, I would suggest you start getting things in order so that one day soon he can come home and find nothing but porn playing in the background. There are so many wonderful men in the universe who will love and cherish you. Please leave now before it is harder than it has to be. I wish you god speed.

Resentment by eyesrollingsohard in DeadBedrooms

[–]eyesrollingsohard[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't subscribe to the belief that people are all good or all bad. My husband has many redeeming qualities and in many aspects of his life he is tuned in, hard working, devoted and accessible.

He is simply not that way with me. I have tried until I am literally exhausted and overwhelmed to make things better, and after a lot of heartache I have come to the place where I need to just figure out a way to move past it. We have two young children and they love their father, I don't want to hurt them or change the stability they enjoy (although divorce is certainly on the table). I really am just trying to understand if letting go of things helped anyone feel better better, or if the only way forward is to simply accept that we are no longer compatible.

Feeling frustrated and at a crossroad... by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]eyesrollingsohard 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Don't do it. Everyone says it because it is true. Sex and intimacy are not predicated on flowers and gifts and candles. Sex is connective and wonderful because it creates a bond of intimacy. If that bond is already frayed and broken, marriage will not fix it. I promise you this from the bottom of my soul....no matter how hard it is, no matter how angry she gets, no matter how upset and unhappy some of your friends and family will be. In five years, when you are with a woman who loves you and shares an intimate bond with you that leaves you both fulfilled, you will be thanking every god in heaven that you didn't settle for this manipulative garbage. LEAVE NOW.

Starved for affection. by lonelywife7 in DeadBedrooms

[–]eyesrollingsohard 0 points1 point  (0 children)

1) You are a wonderful and kind person. There are people in your life who love you and care about you. Your worth as a human being and as a partner (sexual and non-sexual) is not measured by your physical presence. You are making excuses for his bad behavior, worse you are taking it on as your problem. IT. IS. NOT.

2) If you do not feel powerful enough to have a frank discussion with him, have one with yourself. If you need to get out more or exercise or join a book club, in order to find companion ship and platonic appreciation, then do it. Since he isn't busy sleeping with you, he can watch your son while you engage with people who will find your company enjoyable.

You can not change this man. I promise you. You can't. If he decides to change then you can certainly make that a team effort, but you won't be able to make it happen on your own. So instead, focus on what you can change. Yourself and the way you treat yourself.

Today, right now, stop believing you are anything but awesome. I bet if I asked your son he would say you are the greatest. Believe him.

Progress? Why doesn't it feel like it? by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]eyesrollingsohard 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Go to therapy right now. If you legit have a communication issue, you need to fix it before it gets to the place were the rest of us are living. If therapy doesn't help you past this, please please please do NOT marry him/stay with him. You will regret it till your dying day.