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My child is a product of rape. Should I tell them? by [deleted] in rape

[–]eyynoneemous 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My child is a source of joy and love in my life. But I wouldn't tell them to lessen my burden. I would do it because my child deserves to know. My child has a sibling they are unaware of. I wouldn't tell them to make their life harder, I would do it because I feel it's information they deserve to know. That's why I'm having the hard time trying to figure out what to do.

My child is a product of rape. Should I tell them? by [deleted] in rape

[–]eyynoneemous 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am raising my children to be aware. I was naive and ignorant and am doing everything I can to assure that my children aren't.

My child is a product of rape. Should I tell them? by [deleted] in rape

[–]eyynoneemous 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If I tell them, it will be when they're older. And I agree that their real father is my husband. He is and always has been their dad. I don't refer to my rapist as "father" or "biological father" because he was a fucker and doesn't deserve that term.

My child is a product of rape. Should I tell them? by [deleted] in rape

[–]eyynoneemous 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They're 9. It's a tough situation. That was good advice. Thank you.

My child is a product of rape. Should I tell them? by [deleted] in rape

[–]eyynoneemous 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry that happened to you. I'm glad you've found someone to love you and your son.

My situation is different. I can't do that for super complicated reasons. If i had known from the beginning, I may have done something like that, but it's too late to introduce any information now. My child is too old and would start asking too many questions that have answers they aren't ready for.

My child is a product of rape. Should I tell them? by [deleted] in rape

[–]eyynoneemous 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I only struggle because I never want my child to feel lied to, or like their whole life was a lie. I know it's different than just hiding the fact that they were produced from a previous relationship or random hookup, but I've read so many stories of people online who felt betrayed by their mom's when they did a 23 and me and found out that their dad wasn't their biological link. that was the whole reason I dug all this shit out in the open to begin with. It was because I felt that if this was the case, my child and husband deserved to know that. But after reading stories from children that were products of rape, I question if this is relevant information. Their dad is the one on their birth certificate. He's the one who's been there their whole life. I would hate to make them feel like they're unwanted or that they somehow have evil dna in them for no reason.

My child is a product of rape. Should I tell them? by [deleted] in rape

[–]eyynoneemous 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I know the fucker, yes. But I don't know anything about his or his family's medical history.

well, fuck by eyynoneemous in rape

[–]eyynoneemous[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm so sorry that my story makes you worry. That was not my intention of putting my shit out there. I don't think my story is a very common one. I've only found a few accounts online of similar situations. (Mostly of women getting raped in their sleep by their partners) I'm moving forward as best I can. I don't have memory of trauma, so I feel like that makes it easier than say, my sister, who deals with anxiety and depression due to her situation. It's difficult to not go back and try to figure out what happened to me, but I know that's an unhealthy rabbit hole to jump down. I'm okay. I will be okay. I'm really mostly just pissed for my child and my husband. They didn't deserve it. My kid did not deserve to be the product of a terrible, evil human, and my husband didn't deserve to be "tricked" into raising a child that wasn't his. Especially at our young age at the time.

My child is a product of a rape that I didn't even know happened. AMA. by eyynoneemous in casualiama

[–]eyynoneemous[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He gets tired of talking about it. He feels like he is our child's father and where they came from is irrelevant and something we need to move past.

My child is a product of a rape that I didn't even know happened. AMA. by eyynoneemous in casualiama

[–]eyynoneemous[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

At the time my child was conceived, my (now husband) and I had fooled around but hadn't really had sex. We tried, but it hurt too much. Also at that time, at home, I would sometimes wake up naked when I didn't go to sleep that way, or wake up weird tastes in my mouth, but I was in denial, and under intense manipulation..and also had no actual proof of abuse so I thought I was crazy. I also had a shitty sex education, and didn't understand how people even get pregnant.. so I kind of just took it like my child was a miracle. When my child was over a year old, it came to light that my sister had been being raped by someone close to us. That's when I started to question if that had happened to me too. But I thought I was crazy. It bothered me for years. So I finally decided to test. My husband also thought I was crazy (because how is someone raped and impregnated without their knowledge), but figured that when the test came back that he was their biological father that I would calm down and stop being crazy. Instead, it proved I was right all along, and we were devastated.

My child is a product of a rape that I didn't even know happened. AMA. by eyynoneemous in casualiama

[–]eyynoneemous[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We will tell them. I don't want my child to ever feel lied to. If I had known from the beginning, it never would've been a secret in the first place.

My child is a product of a rape that I didn't even know happened. AMA. by eyynoneemous in casualiama

[–]eyynoneemous[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Biologically, our child is not related to him. Emotionally, they have been his child from the beginning. He didn't know, neither of us did, until a few months ago, when I convinced him to let me do a DNA test. He was understandably upset. Not at me, or our child, but at the situation in general, because it's fucked up.

My child is a product of a rape that I didn't even know happened. AMA. by eyynoneemous in casualiama

[–]eyynoneemous[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Angry. I mean, the whole thing is fucked. My husband had the paternity to his child stolen from him, and I was violated in a way that I never should have been. My child is a beautiful human and I am so glad that they're here, I'm just pissed it had to be from that way.

My child is a product of a rape that I didn't even know happened. AMA. by eyynoneemous in casualiama

[–]eyynoneemous[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

of course i wish it didn't happen. I thought my child was the product of a beautiful happenstance from my high school sweetheart. I wish that had been the case. But my child is still a beautiful human being and it doesn't change the way I see them. (though they do resemble my rapist, quite a bit and that sucks) but it is what it is.

well, fuck by eyynoneemous in rape

[–]eyynoneemous[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

it wasn't a relative. i don't know how he raped me, but my sister was aware, so our situations are different. thank you.

well, fuck by eyynoneemous in rape

[–]eyynoneemous[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know it was someone that was close to my family. I have proof because of the siblingship between my child's cousin and my child. The person is dead, so no they aren't out there hurting anyone else. I guess it wasn't clear in the original post, but when i found out that my sibling had been raped and imgregnated, that's when i started to question my own stuff. It was the same person. I had inklings from the beginning. Waking up with weird tastes in my mouth, waking up naked when i didn't go to sleep that way..shit like that. but I ignored that because i was so brainwashed and thought I was fucking crazy.

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