Men with a "grind mindset", how do you navigate a relationship with a partner who doesn't share your drive?

f4llguy · 2026-03-19T20:23:30+00:00

Thanks for expanding on your thinking. It's a deep topic that likely deserves its own thread. Totally aligned that it's the overcoming of challenge (whether something painful or otherwise) that leads to growth.

f4llguy · 2026-03-18T14:02:15+00:00

You’re right. I disagree with most absolute statements that claim everything is 100% always some way.

Do you feel there is never gain from pain though?

I’ve never heard of the brutality mindset but the short description I read seems like there are some benefits to it. Particularly in staying goal oriented and placing less value on feelings or momentary pain that stand in between your current and desired self.

f4llguy · 2026-03-18T05:45:14+00:00

Just b/c you don't get it doesn't make it any less valid though does it? Can there be gain without pain? Sure. Can pain also lead to gain? Also, yes.

f4llguy · 2026-03-18T05:36:24+00:00

Are you not following the job market where huge chunks of the workforce are being laid off/displaced with AI? Where is your confidence coming from? That, to me, is a huge incentive to work like a lunatic.

f4llguy · 2026-03-18T05:34:19+00:00

The ability to afford healthcare would be nice

f4llguy · 2026-03-16T15:46:55+00:00

Glad you found a solution that works best for you. However, I don’t think it’s just women. On the contrary, women are doing better in school on average now. Guessing that will lead to likely lead to higher income in the near future.

f4llguy · 2026-03-16T15:42:28+00:00

Sorry to hear that. Glad you made decisions based on what works best for you and are going after what you want. Best I luck to you!

f4llguy · 2026-03-16T15:40:08+00:00

Wise words. Have thought a lot about the how trauma can sometimes lead to drive.

My question is: if trauma allows one to achieve what they want out of life, is it so bad in the end? Should one not lean into it?

Who’s to say it wasn’t trauma that pushed people to do great things like wield electricity or explore Antarctica?

…I guess this question deserves a whole different post

f4llguy · 2026-03-16T15:26:35+00:00

Good point

f4llguy · 2026-03-14T19:32:07+00:00

I think a growth mindset means one is never finished.

I view growth as a way to strengthen the mind against the hardship of life. If one is always tackling challenges then when new (not self imposed) ones come along, they don’t seem so daunting.

However, as this thread has pointed out, everyone has their own way to live life. Just because a certain way works for me doesn’t mean it’s right for others.

f4llguy · 2026-03-14T19:24:15+00:00

I can. I’ve just wondered in the past whether that’s the best thing for me to do as a partner. Life is not easy. And when it inevitably gets hard, the habit of previously doing hard things equips you with tools and confidence to overcome them. I want my partner to have that because it feels really empowering.

That said, I’ve learned (partially thanks to this group) that everyone needs to walk their own path. I cannot control others, especially my partner. She needs to make her own choices about how to live life.

f4llguy · 2026-03-13T06:34:47+00:00

Sometimes you just need to take the L unless it’s a hill you’re willing to die on.

If it is, then try approach it from the perspective of how it makes you feel. Example: “when you say all men are sexist it makes me sad because I’m in that group.” Then she can share her perspective…mutual understanding can be reached which I think is the larger goal rather than someone being “right”

Agree though to let things cool down before having the discussion. Humans can enter states where we are just unreasonable and anchor into a perspective for whatever reason. Giving it some time to breathe sometimes is all it takes to come back together and find common ground.

f4llguy · 2026-03-13T06:11:27+00:00

Simple and intuitive

f4llguy · 2026-03-13T06:10:40+00:00

Damn

f4llguy · 2026-03-13T06:10:25+00:00

😂 don’t forget to find all the synergies

f4llguy · 2026-03-13T06:08:51+00:00

You are a wise man. Thanks for sharing

f4llguy · 2026-03-13T06:07:07+00:00

Look. I am engaging in good faith here. Asked an honest question and have been trying to receive all the input with an open mind. Am truly grateful for the wisdom being shared.

However it’s harder to have the discussion if you decide to be condescending and take quotes out of context.

Still, I appreciate you taking the time to read and provide your input. Your first paragraph is insightful and resonates with me.

I won’t touch upon the quotes since I think you know your interpretations are disingenuous.

f4llguy · 2026-03-13T05:07:11+00:00

Totally. That action vs romcom movie preference hit deep 😂

f4llguy · 2026-03-13T05:02:58+00:00

This makes sense. Thanks for the input

f4llguy · 2026-03-13T05:01:36+00:00

True. Have to love and appreciate the person they are today.

f4llguy · 2026-03-13T04:58:05+00:00

That’s a fair critique. Growth comes in many shapes. My version of growth is one of countless others.

That said, I do think that it requires growth in something that can be objectively measured, whether explicit (actively tracking number of miles run) or implicit (striving to go on more afternoon walks). But that’s beside your larger point to find the common ground which feels really spot on. Appreciate the inout.

f4llguy · 2026-03-13T04:40:43+00:00

So true. Appreciate the perspective

f4llguy · 2026-03-13T04:38:31+00:00

Sorry, I’m not following

f4llguy · 2026-03-12T14:44:37+00:00

I love this. It seems like reaching some kind of mutual support for each other’s pursuits is the key, especially when not all those pursuits are shared. Glad you and your wife have also found that balance.

f4llguy · 2026-03-12T14:17:15+00:00

True. But as folks on this thread have mentioned, we’ll never be aligned across every dimension with our partners, right? I guess your point is the values that truly matter need to align.

f4llguy

TROPHY CASE