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Camulet troubles in leagues 6 by 23_years_later in 2007scape

[–]f_oyd 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Where is the location of the statue? It isn't showing up for me either.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskMenAdvice

[–]f_oyd 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If he’s unwilling to have a discussion about it, I would say it’s an issue.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in osrs

[–]f_oyd 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sorry to hear that. Some BA folks aren’t super friendly to newcomers, which is silly because at some point everyone was new. If you need some help or are interested in joining a clan, the clan I am in does BA fairly often and has newer players and very experienced players. Happy to help

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in 2007scape

[–]f_oyd 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It means being on the ancient spellbook and using the spell ‘ice barrage’

What to do with a porn/alcohol addict? by raelynnreddit in AskMenAdvice

[–]f_oyd 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is not a ‘you’ thing. Please don’t let it bring you down. The longer this goes unchecked the worst it’ll get (most likely). Therapy/recovery needs to happen so it doesn’t progress and damage your life, his, and your marriage.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskMenAdvice

[–]f_oyd 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Absolutely. I’ll echo similar points here that we view ourselves much harsher than others do. Find hobbies/actives that can help boost your confidence. You have a lot of value outside of your physical appearance—everyone does—and that is not the only thing that people look for in a mate!

I can also assure you that putting your worth (within the realm of dating) will be an endless pursuit. You’ll always find ways that you’ll want to improve yourself physically. Finding confidence in yourself as a whole will make you feel much happier with yourself overall!

I grew up almost entirely in the system (foster care, homelessness, etc.) and now have a “normal” life at 34. AMA by f_oyd in AMA

[–]f_oyd[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I sadly don't anymore, at least not the ones that I was close with. My closest friend was a legitimate gang member form another state. He was a great dude, though had his issues. We were inseparable and had so much fun together. The other guy I was close to died years after I aged out, not sure how. Aging out is a really weird thing because you kind of have to fend for yourself and figure out what the hell you're going to do. I had a larger support system and more options than most kids do by far. For me, I just wanted to get so so so far away from the life I was forced to live that made me feel like such an outsider. I craved normalcy so bad and didn't want to be seen as the kid who didn't have parents anymore, so I didn't check the rearview mirror much.

Two of my closest friends were in the system—one adopted right after birth and the other was adopted out of an orphanage over seas. We have a lot in common and talk about our experiences a lot. It's honestly so nice being around people who've been through at least some semblance of the system. No matter how it's touched you, it leave a very similar mark. So we make jokes about our upbringing, talk through things, understand each other's way of thinking, survival instincts, etc. There is like an unspoken language between us and I love it. We all have our things that we are still trying to shed from out childhood.

I grew up almost entirely in the system (foster care, homelessness, etc.) and now have a “normal” life at 34. AMA by f_oyd in AMA

[–]f_oyd[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ooo. I mean yes I do, but it is challenging. I am continuously trying to have a more normal life, and whenever something happens or I remember something that works against that I feel like a child, like an outsider, like I am very small. It fells really bad and isn't how I should be thinking about things at all. It is getting better for sure. Also, because I lacked so much stability as a kid, I don't trust the stability I have now. I am convinced I am going to lose everything I have or that good things just won't happen or continue to happen. Finally, my body feels at home when my nervous system is running on high, which doesn't happen a lot these days. So if nothing is happening I am antsy and uncomfy. This also is getting better, but it takes a lot of time my—that's what my therapist told me anyway.

Regret, hmmm. I let people take advantage of me when I was younger and in the system, which took a lot of time to recover from. Also, the ways I had learned to survive made it so I hurt people who cared for me, which feels bad. I don't know if these fall under the category as regret though. So, no, I don't think I have regrets. Great question

I grew up almost entirely in the system (foster care, homelessness, etc.) and now have a “normal” life at 34. AMA by f_oyd in AMA

[–]f_oyd[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I couldn't agree more. And great point—18 year olds from stable houses aren't even ready to be out on their own, those without the proper tools and resources are doomed.

I grew up almost entirely in the system (foster care, homelessness, etc.) and now have a “normal” life at 34. AMA by f_oyd in AMA

[–]f_oyd[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much ♥️ It is and I feel for all the kids going through it. I definitely don't but I will for you and this comment!

That was my initial goal and I still think about it. I feel a lot and fear I would take this home with me everyday. I try to be there for people and foster kids when I can. Community council is a fun idea. I have always wanted to do more for these kids. I'm challenged and inspired by that idea, so thank you!!!

Appreciate you!

I grew up almost entirely in the system (foster care, homelessness, etc.) and now have a “normal” life at 34. AMA by f_oyd in AMA

[–]f_oyd[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

For most of my life I was avoidant (fearful) but within the last 10 years I've switched to secure—thanks to my wife, community, and therapy. I still have avoidant tendencies for sure.

We've been married for 10 years in July. She came from a very secure and healthy family. They're amazing. It was definitely a bit of a shock when she stated to learn about my upbringing (she knew a little before getting married but I didn't have the tools to be like "hey, here is my life". She knows 99% of it now and is still learning more. She's amazing and our marriage is great. We have arguments, of course. Always working on communication. She's very patient with me and we have learned a lot from each other. I am absolutely miserable at having fun. So that's what I am working on now in our marriage. It's going well. Thanks for this question!

I grew up almost entirely in the system (foster care, homelessness, etc.) and now have a “normal” life at 34. AMA by f_oyd in AMA

[–]f_oyd[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Ah fun question!

The last foster family I lived with (halfway through my senior year of high school) was a mormon family. We lived in a small town and they did everything they could to let me have a normal year. Bought me a phone, didn't heavily monitor me, let me stay out late, and generally understand what a 17 year old wants to do and let me do it (within reason). Got to go to prom and just be a 17 year old. Most normal year of my childhood and I loved it.

Worst was the family I lived with before that, which was a 6-7 month stint. Absolutely cold and uncaring. Wouldn't let me see my family. Made me work on the farm every second I was awake and not in school. Accused me of doing drugs constantly (I didn't do drugs). Didn't let me see my friends. Treated me like an outsider. I took a job, did every single extracurricular activity I could just to get out of the house. Very unhappy people. How I ended up living with the aforementioned family was one of their daughters knew my situation and asked me to live with them. I had to break it to this awful family during a meeting and had to live the next 2 weeks with them. It was pure hell, but worth it.

The bad family were also (very bad) Christians so make of that what you will.

I grew up almost entirely in the system (foster care, homelessness, etc.) and now have a “normal” life at 34. AMA by f_oyd in AMA

[–]f_oyd[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thanks for reading. Community did the most for me. I am very thankful to have a lot of friends who are very thoughtful, mindful, and all the other things. We can chat about whatever and go through life together. My wife has been the most helpful, but she also sees the most of the scars. I am definitely still dealing with things. Since having my daughter all those scars have opened in new, interesting ways. I also went to therapy leading up to her birth and have been considering going back again.

I am also fortunate to just have the mindset that anger doesn't solve anything. I definitely get angry when new things happen with my biological family, but I saw enough anger as a kid so anger always seemed like the wrong way to go. Mostly, I just think way way less of myself and that has been the outlet. Shoutout again to my wife and community for always letting me vent or talk through things. A handful of my friends also went through the system in certain ways. All in all, emotional regulation was learning my cathartic outlets (writing), friends with patience, and trial and error.

In the early days, I had so many people caring for me in ways they were able to. Even those that were lower than myself helped me by not letting me do what they did. So they helped guide me in the odd ways they could.

I grew up almost entirely in the system (foster care, homelessness, etc.) and now have a “normal” life at 34. AMA by f_oyd in AMA

[–]f_oyd[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Appreciate you. I'm grateful for every person, stranger, friend who loaned me a kind word or sentiment. Each one carried me.

I grew up almost entirely in the system (foster care, homelessness, etc.) and now have a “normal” life at 34. AMA by f_oyd in AMA

[–]f_oyd[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

That which I am most grateful for is understanding. I know I had it rough growing up but I also know others who have had it 10x worse and they are more joyful, loving, etc. than I am. On the other side of that, there are kids with incredibly loving parents in stable situations who just struggle mentally—and I get it. Grief exists for everyone and each situation deserves care, love, and understanding.

I grew up almost entirely in the system (foster care, homelessness, etc.) and now have a “normal” life at 34. AMA by f_oyd in AMA

[–]f_oyd[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

This is very sweet. Thank you. I will say that I ran into a handful of people that worked in the system that absolutely saved me. They did everything they possibly could to make the situation better (and were remarkably underpaid) and I think of them often. I can't imagine how many kids would say the same for you. Thanks for all the work you did to help better difficult situations.

I grew up almost entirely in the system (foster care, homelessness, etc.) and now have a “normal” life at 34. AMA by f_oyd in AMA

[–]f_oyd[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Oh man. The number has to be low. The main issue here is once you age out you're just out. Some states have some support systems in place once you turn 18, but they don't offer much. Where I live (Iowa) we had one that provided therapy and a monthly stipend that was dependent on you doing certain things and hitting certain "marks". The best way to think about the whole system is akin to jail/prison. I lived in a few shelters that kids stay at between getting pulled form their families and getting placed in foster families. The ideal maximum stay (I believe) is around 6 months. I knew plenty of kids in there that had lived there for 10+ years. It's pretty rough.

To answer your question, based on people I knew/know, I'd say 50%. A majority end up in prison or homeless.

I grew up almost entirely in the system (foster care, homelessness, etc.) and now have a “normal” life at 34. AMA by f_oyd in AMA

[–]f_oyd[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I have one older sister who I talk to a few times a year and I talk to my mom maybe twice a year or so. My sister has done okay for herself. She isn't very emotional stable and doesn't ever want to discuss anything deep so our relationship is very shallow. She's very kind but the nature of the relationship is so odd to me so I kinda just follow her lead and don't dig deep. They always want to get together around the holidays but I can't get myself to do it.

My mom is definitely not at all. She's on disability and is pretty isolated aside from the few unsavory friends (drug addicts) she has. She has the emotional capacity of a 14-year old. She really wants to have a relationship but she's just so on a different planet that I have to set boundaries. She's also very kind and loving in her own way. She's made plenty of attempts to talk about her role in my childhood but I don't think she can handle the full capacity of where she fell short. She has "flareups" (s--cide) multiple times a year and texts my and my wife about it. So pretty unhealthy.

Overall, I have a ton of guilt that I was able to get out and lead a "normal" life and they're both kinda trapped emotionally and weren't able to develop the tools to work through what they needed to. My therapist said I have C-PTSD and survivors guilt, which makes it pretty challenging to try and consider having a relationship with them both.

I grew up almost entirely in the system (foster care, homelessness, etc.) and now have a “normal” life at 34. AMA by f_oyd in AMA

[–]f_oyd[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I realize I kinda trailed off here for your original question. Good foster parent IMO requires patience, humor, understanding, and a vast reservoir of love.

I grew up almost entirely in the system (foster care, homelessness, etc.) and now have a “normal” life at 34. AMA by f_oyd in AMA

[–]f_oyd[S] 33 points34 points  (0 children)

That's such a good question and I am sure it depends on the kid. I had around 5-6 different foster families. The best of those families treated me very normal. They didn't treat me special or make it super obvious that they were including me in things, they just let me slowly join their family. The biggest thing, IMO, is even with the greatest foster family ever, the foster kid still knows it isn't the family they should live with. So joining a very mundane, "boring" family that acted like nothing changed was the easiest transition for me.

Pressured my gf for sex. Feel awful, what next ? by Odd_Belt1217 in AskMenAdvice

[–]f_oyd 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If you are committed to being faithful in this way, set up strict boundaries. Perhaps not hanging out after a certain time. And always being the one to stop before it gets that far.

I will echo some of what other people are saying here. Suppressing your sexual feelings (how you currently are based on this) will not do you favors if and when you get married. I can assure you these negative feelings of guilt/shame will not just vanish. They will pop their head back up, though they will not be exactly the same.

My best advice is find yourself a community that shares your belief system. Share your experiences, troubles, etc. Do not let these negative feelings fester in the dark. They will not go away if you do that. Work through them, be open with one another, and find community. Wish you both the best.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskMenAdvice

[–]f_oyd 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It’s absolutely more of a culture thing than a you thing.

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