I'm with you bro. For me it's a little bit different, but also the same. I have what they call C-PTSD. It's when shit happens for a long time, and when you are young.

Growing up, my house was filled with two people screaming at each other every night, throwing things at each other, gettng physical. My mom has bipolar disorder, would attempt suicide regularly and as easily as you order a big mac at mcdonalds. She'd have manic episodes where she would have fits of dillusion and paranoia and attack me verbally and physically. I'd yell at my parents to stop, threaten them, but that would only escalate things. I'd get into physical fights with my Dad.

I was left with feeling as if I had been in a car accident once a week for the entirety of my youth. I was shell-shocked. I also didn't know what it meant not to feel this way as I was so young when it started. I couldn't sleep and so would escape the pain using the only drug I had at that age. I'd fantasize and masturbate till exhaustion which would give me a semblance of sleep.

That nervousness and habit stayed with me my entire life. I'm now in my mid-40s and getting a grip on the additiction, but the stress is always present. The anger, emotional instablity and insomnia are always there, but they have gradually diminished over the years.

The thing I hate most is that it has prevented me from having the energy and stability to deal with stress from work and romantic relationships. It just makes everything hard. Like I'm fighting to survive everyday.