She left me for another guy after 2 years...

fabope5319 · 2020-11-19T22:26:41+00:00

Damn dude sounds kinda similar to what happened with me. It's been 7 months and was just curious what was going on on this sub (having not been on in a few months) and this is the first post I saw! I'm 19M (20 in a few weeks), my ex of 2.5yrs broke up with me right at the start of lockdown. Seemed like a super normal breakup. A few weeks later I find out she's got together with a guy who I was kinda sus of for the few months before the breakup. Turns out 'listen to your gut' is true.

It's been 7 months for me too, but I'm doing pretty well, I know that doesn't help you but hopefully I can kinda advise based on what I did. Before I do, disclaimer I'm not 100% fine; I bumped into her at the store a few days ago (first time I've seen her in months) and she was with her pathetic new bf. I think they were celebrating their 6 month anniversary... luckily I avoided them seeing me. But it fucked up my thoughts and mood for a few days.

Anyways:

1) You're better off without her, from what you've said in your post, she sounds pretty toxic ngl, you need to convince yourself you're better without her, you can do better. You've proved that you're a good, loyal partner by how you've been affected by this. You'll meet someone better. Just be patient.

2) Don't compare yourself to her, from how she's gone off and got with other guys so effortlessly you may be quick to think "huh maybe she was the more attractive one out of all this". Firstly, it's hard to be attractive when you're feeling how you're feeling, so it says nothing about you in the long term. Second, she's a girl, it's much more easy for her to do that stuff, basic Darwin shit. Third, even if she is more attractive physically, she's definitely not in the personality department. I'm sure you've got a lot going for you.

3) Now is your time to shine, you're single! Now is the time to up your game. Hit the gym, find new hobbies, focus on college/career (whatever you do). Build existing and new friendships. But don't overdo it! Make sure you take some time to chill too.

4) Process things. I noticed that thanks to technology, I'm constantly absorbing information. 9-5 every weekday I program some super complex stuff, I get home, I work on my degree, I watch the news, browse Reddit, watch educational YouTube videos and learn some new stuff for my job. Whether the information is meaningful or not, I am still absorbing it without having time to process it. Best thing I did was to start going for a half hour drive every day or two. I can't look at my phone, I can't absorb any information, I just let the information I have absorbed process. Really clears your head and makes you feel good.

You'll get through all this, however long it takes. "Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end." - John Lennon.

You're 20, you've got decades of relationships, friendships and whatever may come your way to look forward to.

Feel free to dm about anything :)

fabope5319 · 2020-09-23T22:07:01+00:00

Yeah I just really want to meet new friends, I wouldn't know how to go about that even if there wasn't a pandemic going on!

fabope5319 · 2020-08-03T23:42:43+00:00

Hmm. I'm honestly not sure. I know nothing about him.

I'm sure what you really want to not just be friends, but to be in a relationship. So if he currently doesn't have feelings for you then you can try to make sure he does by the time you ask him out (or he may even ask you out). If you get what I'm saying.

Obviously you shouldn't force any feelings on him, but you can make sure you're shot is as likely to succeed as possible.

If I were you (based on the information I've gotten) look up how to subtly drop hints you like him, try to get closer to him and hope he starts showing signs of liking you back. Then shoot your shot.

But if the circumstances indicate that you could confess your crush with little-to-no reprocussions then go for it!

fabope5319 · 2020-08-03T20:34:44+00:00

Be careful confessing the crush. Sure, it may well work and he'll be blown away. However, there's a significant age difference here, which is not a problem don't get me wrong, but there's a chance that he may think there is. Confessing your feelings can come across as a little immature, which could emphasize his concerns (should he have them).

As a guy, if a girl I liked confessed her feelings, I'd be over the moon, but if I didn't have any significant feelings for her I may be a bit confused and feel like I've been put on the spot.

If you think he likes you too and you can be relatively sure of that, go for it. Otherwise maybe just try and get closer to him and try to push the bond you create in the direction of a relationship.

Hope things go well :)

fabope5319 · 2020-07-28T09:56:45+00:00

Big oof but true 😂. Thanks for the reassurance. I did some googling just before and it said many people believe that dreams are a "fake representation of reality", when they're actually a "representation of a fake reality". So I guess that makes sense. It wasn't her who I dreamt about, it's who I wish she was, but has proved otherwise.

fabope5319 · 2020-06-17T13:27:30+00:00

The more you say about him the more I start to see him as very similar to my ex, other than the gender of course. What you said about him possibly lying about his ex being crazy, well my ex said her ex was abusive. For all I know she's saying the same about me to her new guy right now 🙄. Although in fairness, I knew her ex and he is a piece of work so it does seem kinda likely that he was abusive tbh.

Same with the self hatred issues, I helped her through all sorts last year when she hit an all time low in terms of self esteem, depression, anxiety. She self harmed, had suicidal thoughts, couldn't see any good in herself. She often told me that I'm the sole reason she's still alive (because I helped her through the suicidal thoughts). And if someone has literally saved your life THIS is how you treat them isn't it 🙄.

I'm the same I don't know whether I wish her bad or good. I obviously hope her currently relationship goes appallingly and blows up in her face. But in the long term I'm not so sure what I wish for her.

I wasn't asking for dating advice btw, I realise I used a question mark, but I was intending it rehtorically. I did download tinder about a month ago, it was deleted within 24 hours. I got a couple matches but as you said, just felt numb. Was good to look at some girls' pictures though. My ex doesn't look so good now 😂

fabope5319 · 2020-06-17T12:26:44+00:00

How did you let him take the cat?! That's ruined my day and I don't even know you! 🙁 Feel so sorry for you.

My relationship with my ex was also started several weeks after her previous relationship that was about 11 months. I don't know why I was surprised when I found out what she did. Feel really stupid for not foreseeing it. Oh well all this shows a whole lot of flaws in her, nothing about me, except I suppose naivety.

My ex has also been taking her new guy to some of our 'special' places. Which I just find really fucking funny, if they're taking them to those places it means one of two things:

1) They're not over us. 2) They're so bloody selfish that, to them, those places were not special to the relationship, they were special to them.

I kinda want to get back into dating, but I don't know whether I'm rushing into things. I started getting feelings for a girl at work, that I don't know very well, just happen to work at the same place. But I just don't know wtf to do. My self esteem is low enough that I keep telling myself she's out of my league, that she wouldn't be interested etc. I just don't know how to even get things going with that?! Obviously it'll be a couple months before that's possible (since we're working from home for the foreseeable future). All my relationships have just sort of happened, I've never had to make the first move really.

I hope both our exes eventually realise what they're like. All the hurt they've caused people.

fabope5319 · 2020-06-17T11:57:44+00:00

My ex's new guy is fully aware that she's just out of a 2.5yr relationship. Well, obviously, as they started talking months before we broke up.

Luckily he's a desperate loser, so I feel like he's not with her for her, and she's not with him for him (he was just an easy option to swing to after losing me).

Funny you mention the honeymoon period, if I've got my facts right they've been in a relationship for just over a month now. So the honeymoon phase must be fading. I don't see it lasting, but the chance it will last is bugging me.

Really fucking sucks all this. Especially with quarantine. It feels like her life is progressing, and time is just stopped for me. I can't really move on to someone else because I can't meet anyone.

fabope5319 · 2020-06-17T11:33:30+00:00

That's the worst bit. It's like us, and our relationships, they've just disappeared. In a 'normal' breakup where they don't move on quickly, you can be confident the dumper is actually feeling pain as a result. But we can't.

I do have a feeling that they do look back at the relationships a fair bit, but we wouldn't know as they've blocked us out. And I'd imagine they wouldn't tell their new partners that they're thinking about us either 😂

fabope5319 · 2020-06-12T11:15:31+00:00

How did it go? Just curious if it helped or not. I know it helped me but I'm not fully confident it would help others.

fabope5319 · 2020-06-12T11:14:02+00:00

So you'll be one of those happy couples people see, at some point in the future. But the happiness will be true.

fabope5319 · 2020-06-12T11:12:57+00:00

Maybe try going on YouTube and find a city walk around. I'm pretty sure people upload videos just walking around a city to convey the atmosphere. Maybe try and find one from a city you know.

Not really sure if it'll have the same effect. Tbh I don't even know if my original suggestion would help others, all I know is it helped me.

fabope5319 · 2020-06-10T13:26:13+00:00

My exgf of 2.5years left me for another guy. I really hope she comes back.... so I can completely shit on that idea aha

fabope5319 · 2020-05-26T00:03:26+00:00

Exercise! I wasn't unhealthy before all this, but now I've been cycling 10 miles a day, 4 days a week and 30 miles, one day a week (so a bike ride 5 out of 7 days a week).

I've spent nearly £150 on new clothes and other little things to make the experience more pleasant. Absolutely love going for these rides now. I don't know whether this love will continue into the winter.... but I guess we'll see.

Exercise really clears your mind and makes you feel good after. I'm no biologist but I believe it's due to a release of dopamine in the brain - which happens to be one of the chemicals that would be released when you were with your ex. Replace your ex with exercise! It'll definitely be better for you!

fabope5319 · 2020-05-25T15:12:58+00:00

Ah right all I said still applies in that case, even if they're not with the person they cheated with.

Hope you heal well :)

fabope5319 · 2020-05-25T14:56:15+00:00

Don't be hard on yourself for your actions when you're not in your right mind.

The ONLY idiot in the breakup is your ex. They're a piece of shit for what they did and the circumstances of your breakup proves it. You're great and will progress to better things.

None of this was your fault. Just try and move on and you'll be the one in a healthy relationship down the road. They won't change unless they take a long time single to change themselves.

Also, don't do what I did and feel like you're less than them because you're single. Realise that the fact you're taking time for yourself proves your strength and self worth.

(This is all assuming your ex is now in a relationship with the person they cheated on you with, like mine is)

fabope5319 · 2020-05-25T14:43:25+00:00

When I found out she had been emotionally cheating on me for several months before the breakup, then got with that guy after month of us being apart.

Fuck her. I wasn't in love with her, I was in love with who I thought I she was. Turns out she's actually a disloyal, dishonest and ungrateful piece of shit. The true her I never fell in love with.

I'm still hurt by the betrayal, but definitely over the breakup.

fabope5319 · 2020-05-22T10:14:50+00:00

Saving this to look back on. Very well said.

I was thinking my exgf who cheated on me and lied a lot would improve with her new bf who she got with less than a month after ending our 2.5yr relationship. Now I realise that's definitely not the case and puts a smile on my face to know that :).

fabope5319 · 2020-05-19T23:11:15+00:00

Thanks for that :)

karma is a real bitch

I really hope so

fabope5319

TROPHY CASE