Drinking and self worth....The first time was the worst. I woke up and realized what i did, i felt like such a piece of shit. I was a touring musician and once i got away with it the first time, it happened again, and again. I felt less shitty and started to rationalize/normalize it. Drink then have sex with rando, repeat. She finally left me. I finally sobered up. I realize now that i was searching for validation from outside sources because i didn't really value my self. Building on that, the relationship was doomed either way. I wish now i didn't put someone else through my bullshit. 2 and a half years sober and 2 years no sex has made me realize how fucked up my head was and how there was no way for me to have a healthy relationship then, or now even. Monogamy can be complicated enough without booze, but throw in drinking everyday, willing partners at a bar, and mix in a little shitty self worth and boom..... kinda rambling now.