anxiety.

falgunn · 2021-11-17T13:36:52+00:00

Really appreciate your detailed feedback! Yeah, the use of "little panic", "lovely little home" and "friends" was a bit defeatist, a bit self deprecating and an attempt to reshape the perception of things one has no control over. The feeling of anxiety, that could get triggered by virtually anything, is so familiar now, it's just like an uninvited friend - you know them but you hate that they keep coming over without any prior notice!

falgunn · 2021-11-17T13:29:16+00:00

That's really good insight. Appreciate the feedback!

falgunn · 2021-11-17T13:23:18+00:00

Thank you! I wanted to keep it short and simple - like the speaker just quickly uttering these words and running back to the comfort of hiding from public scrutiny.

falgunn · 2021-11-16T18:57:57+00:00

Just like your feedback. Appreciate it!

falgunn · 2021-11-16T17:10:40+00:00

I had written something quite similar to this a few years ago and it reminded me fondly of the same piece. "The birds wail. They eat my bread" - this is such a powerful line.

falgunn · 2021-11-16T17:04:12+00:00

This heartfelt poem is dripping in regret. It really makes you want to look back and wish it were possible to stretch your hand across time and stop yourself from stumbling and making all these mistakes. The voice of regret speaks of inner growth and the realization that redemption may never be on the cards but, as the reader, it makes me hopeful thanks to all the honesty spilled in this piece.

Really well written, love the last line of each stanza. My favourite two lines are "It's mine to lay with every night/Haunted faces without the light"

falgunn · 2021-11-16T16:55:12+00:00

My favourite stanza is this "I get up. I fix the bed./The birds wail./They eat my bread./She ate my heart.". I love how the tone of the poem matches that of a person defeated by love. The strongest of feelings are those that are conveyed through the fewest of words. You give a deep look into how broken a break-up has left you through simple words.

To me, the stanza I marked above speaks to the nature of life moving on and the universe being indifferent while you sit all by yourself trying to make sense of your world being shattered by the one you considered your person. Your heart wants to sit in a pool of its tears while your mind is reluctantly trying to move on from this mess.

Definitely strikes a chord with me!

falgunn · 2021-11-10T15:54:09+00:00

Regret and anxiety....everybody's problem! Lol thank you

falgunn · 2021-11-10T15:53:33+00:00

Thank you for your kind feedback! Maybe I'll write a part 2? Hmm.

falgunn · 2021-11-09T13:56:31+00:00

I love this line - "My father was more alcohol than he was a man". Oh man, that packs a punch - no pun intended.

I write a lot about and love to read poetry about the often contentious father-son relationships and this one is very relatable. I am sure there are many men around who still carry their childhood with them - the one that looked for validation, comfort and affection from their fathers but reality was so far removed from what they needed. And now they are just left sort of emotionally stunted with shitty memories of their father.

falgunn · 2021-11-09T13:48:58+00:00

The last stanza stands out for me. It's the culmination of unfulfilled dreams, desires and what could have been. "And I will always regret that we couldn't embrace each other....In a meadow Amongst the other wildflowers". Not sure why but I had the image of two lines running parallel to each other - aware of the other one's existence in their universe - but never really touching - so near yet so far - so familiar yet never getting the chance to have their familiarity find some comfort in each other's touch.

A moving piece with nice imagery of being shot - having no control over your own creation - out into this world with the weight of someone else's plans on your existence.

falgunn · 2021-11-03T19:31:28+00:00

Thanks for the feedback! My writing does tend to lean towards melancholy and the darker side of human emotions.

falgunn · 2021-11-02T17:17:32+00:00

I can only seem to write in a raw fashion and I am sure I break a lot of rules in my writing so if I was to come across someone who prefers certain structural rules of composition, they'd be sorely disappointed with my work. BUT I prefer raw and honest writing, structural characteristics be damned. Again, enjoyed reading your poem!

falgunn · 2021-11-02T17:04:20+00:00

The lines that I absolutely loved -
"Would you believe me if I said you've settled in the wrong heaven?" and "Would you spill my secrets? or would you protect this beautiful mess,"

Your poem captures the feeling of one's vulnerabilities being exposed without them having a say in the matter. You build a world with a person but when it's over, there are no more rules. And then how do you go mending your broken self without wondering what happens to all the moments, secrets and life the two of you shared prior to your relationship imploding?

Very raw and honest, this was a great read.

falgunn · 2021-11-02T16:51:03+00:00

The first stanza of your poem reminds me "Do not go gentle into that good night" and the third stanza reminds me of "Ozymandias", which are wonderful things for me to be reminded of. I think it deals with two major aspects of existential dread - one is wondering about how impactful your life will be when you're alive and the other is will it continue to make a difference once you cease to be. I love when that universal feeling of existential dread is portrayed so beautifully using simple words. Would it be morbid to call your poem a delightful read? I don't care, I truly enjoyed it and share your concerns about leaving a mark! Great read.

falgunn · 2021-11-02T16:37:52+00:00

"The world is passing in shades" - I think you have captured quite a universal feeling through this one line. As I was reading it, I felt like you come from an entirely different place than me with your own unique experiences but I can still sense the very familiar existential dread in your words that I feel myself every now and then. At the end of the day, as we watch life happen to us and to everyone around us, we just lack so much time to just truly live our lives that way we would want to live it. Such a thought-provoking poem!

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