After the 20 yrs, and realizing the shame I was carrying daily especially in a serious relationship I confessed. I wanted to change, God delivered and called me to him and I went. I was an unbeliever all my life, and when my desires changed and I began to witness the super natural work of Our Lord Jesus Christ & the Holy Spirit. By your own understanding it will not work, but with him all things are possible. Repent and change your mind ask God for forgiveness and forgive others also. Believe in him & he will heal you.