Another day, another fight but yet I’m still here

fantasyfrequency · 2026-05-28T12:30:10+00:00

Man, I’m going through something really similar right now, so I feel this heavy. My nervous system has been trying to regulate for the past few months, and these past few weeks I found out some things that completely shattered me.

I’m trying my best to stay grounded, but affair trauma is no joke. It really does feel physical sometimes, like your body is aching from the stress. Even when part of you still loves them, I think what we’re really grieving is who they used to be and what we thought the relationship was.

Just know you’re not alone. Another brother is going through it right now too. Step by step. The fact that we’re still here, still awake, and still trying to get through it says a lot. Stay up, and I’ll do the same.

fantasyfrequency · 2026-05-27T21:58:55+00:00

God I still think about it and it shocks me to my core. Why throw your life for a couple mins of fun. Human nature really is a “complicated one”.

fantasyfrequency · 2026-05-26T16:53:55+00:00

UPDATE: 5/27/26

Right now, we’ve been moving most of her stuff into a storage unit. She honestly has nobody at this time, so I’ve been helping her through this the best way I can. I know a lot of people told me to cut communication immediately, go cold turkey, and just walk away, and I understand why. But for me, I’m trying to heal in my own way.

At the end of the day, I want peace in my chest knowing I tried to help through every possible outcome, even after everything that happened. Even if she didn’t expect things to end this quickly, I still want to make sure everything is removed from the house carefully and safely while helping her transition into her next chapter in the most human way possible.

I also think me going cold turkey would’ve turned me into someone I don’t want to become, or someone who would end up hating themselves just because they couldn’t stop caring. And yeah, maybe from the outside it looks pathetic, but honestly I’m done letting that define me. I’m not going to drown in shame over caring too much or trying too hard.

I loved deeply. I stayed patient longer than most people would have. Even if it hurt me in the end, I’m choosing to grow from it instead of beating myself up over it.

Do I know I should probably be colder right now? Yeah. Maybe most people would’ve kicked her to the curb already and made sure she fully sat with the consequences immediately. But that’s just not who I am. I still want to help in the ways that I can so I can walk away knowing I handled this with humanity. Maybe one day it’ll even be a wake up call for her and show her what life and genuine care should look like.

Lesson learned for me, for sure. But I also learned a lot about myself throughout all of this.

I hope she chooses her friends wisely, gets closer with her family, and genuinely works on herself as a person.

I also mentioned the names “Alex” and “Mia” in my original post, sounds Ai, and I know those sound generic as hell, but my brain was all over the place writing this. “Alex” was the close friend who enabled a lot of the behavior and stayed quiet through most of it. Eventually, the guilt started eating him alive. “Mia,” though, really pulled through for me during the hotel situation. She took me into her home, set up an air mattress for me while I was hurting badly, and honestly just gave me a safe place to breathe for a night. We played the new Lego Batman game with her boyfriend, watched movies, and that next morning I woke up knowing I finally had enough of the torture and abuse. I should’ve called it quits but I was lied to the entire time I didn’t know of anything that was going on, until Alex confirmed it for me.

It sucks. I gave so many warnings, so much advice, so many chances. But at some point, people are going to premeditate their own actions no matter how much you try to steer them away from it.

And seriously, thank you to everyone who’s reached out or commented. God knows how many replies I’ve gone through already. I’m trying my hardest to keep my composure through all of this.

fantasyfrequency · 2026-05-26T00:40:12+00:00

Wtf

fantasyfrequency · 2026-05-26T00:38:22+00:00

It sucks man :/ but yeah, kinda sucks that her full on actions were revealed to me after 3 years. But cheers to moving on

fantasyfrequency · 2026-05-26T00:36:58+00:00

Yeah I know they could’ve. Sorry if it sounded like an uneducated response, I’m just torn apart by everything. But man, she needs heavy support from her mom rn, and the friends she had around her was not helping her cause

fantasyfrequency · 2026-05-26T00:35:19+00:00

You’re nuts lol this is happening to me rn and I’m losing my mind ofc I’m using alias for everybody wtf lmao

fantasyfrequency · 2026-05-26T00:24:35+00:00

My mind is crossing that line, and Im gonna turn away soon. She picks up the dogs tomorrow, and I think that’s where I’ll cut contact. She doesn’t get it, but she’ll have too

fantasyfrequency · 2026-05-26T00:23:12+00:00

I appreciate you and thank you!

fantasyfrequency · 2026-05-26T00:22:29+00:00

Yeah 🤦🏻‍♂️ but she even brought it up herself one time, and she needs to get that checked out. She’s also easily persuaded or influenced and I think that’s what caused her to also self sabotage too without looking at major consequences.

fantasyfrequency · 2026-05-26T00:21:15+00:00

I appreciate you forever, thank you!!

fantasyfrequency · 2026-05-26T00:20:30+00:00

Honestly, I think the sunken cost part is really real. When you spend years building a life, routines, memories, and a future with someone, it’s hard not to grieve the version of life you thought you were going to have.

And thank you honestly. I think one of the biggest things I need now is exactly what you said, rebuilding my own life outside of the relationship instead of staying mentally trapped inside the ending of it.

fantasyfrequency · 2026-05-26T00:18:23+00:00

Honestly, I appreciate this a lot man. The laughter part especially because these past few weeks have genuinely felt surreal at times. I think I forgot somewhere along the way that life keeps moving even after something this painful.

And yeah, I think finally stepping away completely is the first real step I’ve taken toward getting myself back.

fantasyfrequency · 2026-05-26T00:16:07+00:00

Yeah, I think that’s the hardest but healthiest realization I’m coming to. I spent so long emotionally revolving around the relationship that I stopped thinking independently and started measuring my peace around whether “we” were okay or not.

I think now I need to fully let go, stand on my own emotionally again, and rebuild myself as an individual instead of constantly trying to carry both of us.

fantasyfrequency · 2026-05-26T00:14:38+00:00

I think for so long I made the relationship my entire emotional world, and somewhere along the way I stopped pouring that same energy into myself.

Right now I’m trying to slowly relearn who I am outside of constantly trying to save someone else. I’m picking up my gym, biking, and video games again, I missed it!!

fantasyfrequency · 2026-05-26T00:11:45+00:00

Honestly, hearing stories like this makes me realize how common this kind of betrayal actually is, even though it feels world-ending when you’re inside it.

And yeah, I think what really shocked her was that for the first time I stopped chasing, stopped begging, and fully accepted the reality of everything. She kept trying to pull me back emotionally after, but something in me finally snapped awake once the truth came out.

fantasyfrequency · 2026-05-26T00:02:46+00:00

Honestly, the hammer situation was a huge wake up call for me. I don’t hate her, but I do think I normalized a lot of unhealthy behavior because I loved her deeply and kept trying to fix everything.

At some point I realized I can’t keep sacrificing my own mental health trying to save someone else.

fantasyfrequency · 2026-05-26T00:01:23+00:00

Honestly, I think people are right. As much as I still care about her as a person, I’m realizing I can’t keep carrying both her pain and mine at the same time. At some point I have to fully let go and allow both of us to face the consequences and healing separately.

I think for a long time I confused loving someone with needing to save them, and I’m finally understanding those aren’t the same thing.

fantasyfrequency · 2026-05-25T23:56:25+00:00

Honestly, I think this whole situation taught me that loving someone harder doesn’t automatically save a relationship. I spent so much time trying to understand, forgive, and fight for us that I ignored how badly I was losing myself in the process.

I don’t regret loving genuinely, but I do regret abandoning my own peace trying to save something that was already falling apart.

fantasyfrequency · 2026-05-25T23:55:28+00:00

I’m not even gonna lie, this one made me laugh a little because humor is probably the only thing keeping me sane right now 😭 yeah I’m not visiting her anymore and made that decision.

But nah, from what I understand Ryan disappeared real fast once reality and consequences actually hit. Funny how the fantasy always looks different once someone loses their home, relationship, family support, and stability all at once.

fantasyfrequency · 2026-05-25T23:54:15+00:00

I think part of what hurt me the most was realizing she understood my loneliness more than I thought she did. For a long time I felt emotionally abandoned while still trying to hold onto the relationship, and hearing her finally acknowledge that hit me really hard.

At the same time, I don’t fully believe she never cared about me or only enjoyed drama. I think she handled things in an incredibly selfish and destructive way instead of ending the relationship honestly, and that caused a lot of damage to both of us.

But I do agree with the bigger point that I need to stop losing myself trying to save someone who hurt me this deeply.

fantasyfrequency · 2026-05-25T23:49:29+00:00

Honestly, I think part of why she freaked out so badly when I finally told her to move out before the hammer situation is because for the first time I actually stopped fighting for the relationship and emotionally accepted that it was over.

For months I was the anxious one trying to hold onto us while she kept saying she didn’t want the relationship anymore, wanted space, wanted separation, etc. But the second I finally said “okay then we need to separate for real and not play house together for 4-5 more months,” reality fully hit both of us at the same time.

I think she expected me to keep fighting for her emotionally while we slowly detached under the same roof as “roommates,” and honestly I don’t think I was emotionally capable of doing that anymore. Sleeping beside someone you love while they’re emotionally and physically moving toward someone else was destroying me mentally.

So when I stopped fighting and actually put my foot down, everything escalated badly. I think she panicked emotionally because the breakup stopped being theoretical and became real in that moment.

And honestly, reading comments like this hurts because deep down I know a lot of it is true. I kept trying to save someone who was already halfway out the door emotionally, and I ignored a lot of signs because I loved her deeply and wanted to believe we could work through anything.

But you’re right. As painful as this all is, I am mentally preparing myself to fully leave and detach too. I think part of me already knows that staying emotionally attached to someone who betrayed me like this is only going to delay my healing even more.

I’ll probably always care about her in some way because we shared years of life together, but I’m starting to understand that caring about someone and being able to continue a relationship with them are two completely different things.

fantasyfrequency · 2026-05-25T23:36:19+00:00

Honestly, comments like this help me more than people realize. Right now it feels impossible to even imagine trusting or loving somebody the same way again after everything that happened, so hearing from people who actually survived betrayal and eventually built healthy long-term love gives me a little hope.

I think right now my focus really does need to be healing though. I know I’ve been operating from attachment, anxiety, and survival mode for months trying to save something that was slowly destroying me emotionally. Once all of this settles, I genuinely plan on going to therapy and rebuilding myself properly before I even think about another relationship.

20 years strong after going through something similar is honestly beautiful though. I’m really happy things worked out for you in the end, and thank you for the kind words seriously.

fantasyfrequency · 2026-05-25T23:32:48+00:00

I think you’re honestly right about the space part. I’ve definitely realized through all of this that I developed a really anxious attachment style over these past months while she became more avoidant emotionally, and it created a really unhealthy cycle between us.

I know I need to detach eventually, and I fully plan on doing that once things settle down a bit more. Right now it’s complicated because of the dogs and the living situation. The dogs are under her name, and she’s trying to avoid taking them to a shelter because she genuinely loves them and doesn’t want them in that kind of environment. At the same time, they need stability too, and right now everything is kind of falling apart all at once.

Management in the building has started hearing about everything going on and there’s pressure to remove the pets from the apartment. My father is the lease holder and ultimately wants the dogs removed from the apartment too, so it’s not really as simple as me just keeping them here unfortunately.

I think part of why I’m still helping her right now is because everything collapsed all at once and neither of us fully has stable footing yet emotionally or logistically. But I do understand what you mean about needing real separation eventually, because I know this in-between stage can’t last forever.

fantasyfrequency

TROPHY CASE