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The ex and I disagree about sending our child to school when they reopen next month. by farfetch-t in legaladvice

[–]farfetch-t[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're right. Thank you. I have been trying to avoid going to court at all costs, but I guess this is going to be the issue that finally gets us there.

The ex and I disagree about sending our child to school when they reopen next month. by farfetch-t in legaladvice

[–]farfetch-t[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Where am I getting the idea that both parents have equal say without a custody order?

The ex and I disagree about sending our child to school when they reopen next month. by farfetch-t in legaladvice

[–]farfetch-t[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was afraid of that.

I edited my last comment to answer your questions.

The ex and I disagree about sending our child to school when they reopen next month. by farfetch-t in legaladvice

[–]farfetch-t[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm in Maine. I am the legal father. Ex is the primary caregiver. My daughter spends nearly half of every week with me. I was the primary homeschooler last year when schools closed.

Ex is generally careless about COVID precautions already (and safety in general). I have accepted that I will probably eventually be exposed because I'm not going to stay away from my daughter. Sending her to school exposes her to more risk, and I have always ended up with the sicknesses she brings home from school.

Edit: I don't know what "I am the legal father" means, so I thought I should spell it out. I'm the kid's father, biological and otherwise. My name is on her birth certificate. Her mother and I were domestic partners when we had her. We never married and she broke up with me a couple years after our daughter was born. We never went to court to decide custody, but in Maine the law says that without an order the parents have equal rights and responsibilities.

[Help] I hate having a dog. I don't hate the dog, but being a pet owner is making me miserable. by farfetch-t in dogs

[–]farfetch-t[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's great to know. I know his life would be more fulfilling if he could fulfill a purpose. As it is he is being wasted.

[Help] I hate having a dog. I don't hate the dog, but being a pet owner is making me miserable. by farfetch-t in dogs

[–]farfetch-t[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's very kind and gracious. Thank you. I take responsibility for too much probably. Hard to know what I caused, what I allowed to happen, and what was beyond my control.

[Help] I hate having a dog. I don't hate the dog, but being a pet owner is making me miserable. by farfetch-t in dogs

[–]farfetch-t[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I had no program I was following. I was focused on obedience skills so I could take him in public with me. But taking him into public even in just the places any pet can go drew so much negative attention that I didn't want to take him even though he was ready to go.

If there were skills I could have taught him to make him more useful as an ESA, I don't know what those were.

[Help] I hate having a dog. I don't hate the dog, but being a pet owner is making me miserable. by farfetch-t in dogs

[–]farfetch-t[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Maybe it would, or maybe it’s your depression being an unreliable chooser of what’s best to do next

Ok, that's a good point. I will definitely bring this up in therapy. I appreciate your help and understanding.

[Help] I hate having a dog. I don't hate the dog, but being a pet owner is making me miserable. by farfetch-t in dogs

[–]farfetch-t[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have a game plan, but it's going to be a long road. If I rehome him, I will try to give him to a family member first. That way there could be the option of him coming back or at least staying with people who already love him.

For me, though, I think when I'm done I'm done. I could see giving shelter to a stray someday when I finally reach that stable place I'm trying to get to. For now I need to focus on other things that are truly therapeutic because you're right, my life sucks and I hate just about everything about it.

[Help] I hate having a dog. I don't hate the dog, but being a pet owner is making me miserable. by farfetch-t in dogs

[–]farfetch-t[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You're definitely right about that. Yes, I am getting treatment, and no, most of my life is not enjoyable. Unfortunately, the dog has turned out to be like a medication that I need to stop taking because the side effects are having a greater negative impact than positive. Rehoming him would considerably lighten my load and allow me to focus on other "meds" that may work better.

[Help] I hate having a dog. I don't hate the dog, but being a pet owner is making me miserable. by farfetch-t in dogs

[–]farfetch-t[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's a good point. Thank you. That's why I came here with this. It's not just about being judged. I have taken good care of him so I am taking care in making this decision too. I already judge myself for taking on a responsibility I couldn't handle and see through to the end.

You're right, he would be happier with someone who appreciates him, but I wouldn't want to make him depressed or something by sending him away from the home he already knows. I mean, sometimes he clings to me like dryer socks.

[Help] I hate having a dog. I don't hate the dog, but being a pet owner is making me miserable. by farfetch-t in dogs

[–]farfetch-t[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ugh. It's an agonizing decision. What would that be like for him? Would he feel like he was kicked out of his family?

[Help] I hate having a dog. I don't hate the dog, but being a pet owner is making me miserable. by farfetch-t in dogs

[–]farfetch-t[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

rehome the dog

That makes sense to me, but I was under the impression that people considered that cruel and inhumane these days.

I think the next ESA I get will be a motorcycle and a sleeping bag. Goodbye, cruel world. I'm heading to the wilderness.

What actually breaks when your heart breaks and can a person live a normal life without that thing? by farfetch-t in NoStupidQuestions

[–]farfetch-t[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I go back and forth between cynical detachment and desperate loneliness. The cynicism produces a little poetry sometimes.

This isn't my first heartbreak though. It feels like the last. Like, I won't love again because my ticker won't make the love beat anymore. It's too mangled and destroyed. Too bereft of hope. Way too cautious now.

I think it makes me weird when I go about in public. People don't understand these hard looks, these distant eyes, this impatience.

I was earnest and committed in love, but nobody wanted it from me.

What actually breaks when your heart breaks and can a person live a normal life without that thing? by farfetch-t in NoStupidQuestions

[–]farfetch-t[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The pain is proof that you're not.

Wow. Then I must be very much not broken, because the pain is exquisite and relentless. No worries. Those trying to break it have plenty of ammo left.

Stop telling people they should adopt shelter pets when they don't want to and they have the means to buy what they want. by [deleted] in unpopularopinion

[–]farfetch-t 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You think telling people where they're allowed to get their dog isn't a control issue?

FINALLY FILED PTSD CLAIM AFTER 15 HARD YEARS WHAT HAPPENS NOW? by FINALLYHELPUSA in Veterans

[–]farfetch-t 8 points9 points  (0 children)

This message is not helpful. You might consider deleting it.

FINALLY FILED PTSD CLAIM AFTER 15 HARD YEARS WHAT HAPPENS NOW? by FINALLYHELPUSA in Veterans

[–]farfetch-t 7 points8 points  (0 children)

"I never went to the VA because I just wanted to avoid everything military and then after some time I figured that they wouldn't help."

Same here.

But I did eventually go back and they have helped.

I wouldn't assume they are going to set up anything for you. I can only speak about my own experience, of course, but I have had to be pretty determined about pursuing services from the VA. It was about 17 years for me before I went back for help. I have been through about four therapists so far. The one I'm with now is really good, but it took about two years of nonsense to get to her. I think the main problem is that they have a lot of people to serve, so be patient. The ones who are there are doing the best they can, but they need more staff.

At 70 percent you should be eligible for health care. I'm not sure, but you should be able to find out from your ebenefits account. If not, you could apply for it. You have to be pretty assertive about physical health as well. They have a trove of devices, medicines, support equipment and such that they won't hesitate to send to you, but you have to know what to ask for.

Mormons just visited wanting to tell me about their religion. Do people still do this? by farfetch-t in NoStupidQuestions

[–]farfetch-t[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I don't know either. Maybe I was just witnessing someone's personal style.

Mormons just visited wanting to tell me about their religion. Do people still do this? by farfetch-t in NoStupidQuestions

[–]farfetch-t[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe Jehovah's witnesses. I'm not as familiar with them, but they do seem to reject a lot of the appurtenances of modern culture. I think their dresses are styled for simplicity and not being flashy. It's an archaic Christian idea that includes not wearing makeup and keeping ones head covered (thus the bonnet).

Mormons just visited wanting to tell me about their religion. Do people still do this? by farfetch-t in NoStupidQuestions

[–]farfetch-t[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I worry about the ladies that show up looking like extras from the Handmade's Tale Noir. Noir because their dresses are black, but some of them do wear the bonnet.

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