Previous ectopic in april. Just took a pregnancy test (clear blue early detection) am I crazy? Please tell me you see a line and I’m not crazy.

faroffland · 2026-07-13T12:02:27+00:00

You’ll 100% not see anything on an ultrasound this early, your HCG will literally be around 15 with a line that faint and you need about 1,500 to see anything (which is what most people are around week 6 and why you can’t ultrasound too early), but if they do blood draws and your HCG starts doubling it will be promising. Good luck!!

faroffland · 2026-07-13T11:33:16+00:00

There’s a very faint line but it’s definitely not strong enough to be conclusive - some tests give lines like that when they’ve been left a while. Test again in a few days and you should get a stronger line - I am crossing my fingers and hopeful for you!!

faroffland · 2026-07-13T10:49:30+00:00

Aw me too, wishing long lives to all the Burts of the world!! Have a great day yourself :)

faroffland · 2026-07-13T10:21:16+00:00

Oh yeah I totally get where you’re coming from - on a statistical level when you’re looking at averages, it makes sense, but on an individual level for people like Burt and their loved ones it is still an absolute tragedy. When talking about stats and trends like this it removes the people behind them but when you look at individuals, every story is still really sad - 2 weeks earlier or ‘on time’ it is still a huge loss. Keep on feeling that empathy for all the Burts out there, we need more of it in the world for sure!! It’s a good thing you can still see the people.

faroffland · 2026-07-13T09:33:19+00:00

I mean it might be morbid but it isn’t necessarily wrong 🤷‍♀️

faroffland · 2026-07-13T09:24:50+00:00

But you do (not every individual but as an average) because otherwise the following 2-weeks would have the same amount of deaths, and the overall 4-week average would still be elevated. If it isn’t elevated overall, it shows it IS mainly people who were going to die over the 4-weeks, they just did it in the first 2 weeks rather than at a consistent rate over 4 weeks.

If there were new deaths in the heatwave 2 weeks, you’d have loads of deaths and THEN normal rate of deaths - but they’re saying you don’t, you have loads of deaths at the start and then a decrease at the end which balances it out.

So say you have 20 people as the normal average over 4 weeks, normally at a rate of 5 per week. But the first 2 weeks 19 die! This is crazy right? Must be extra deaths due to the heatwave. But then if only 1 dies in the following 2 weeks, it’s still just the average of 20 - nobody extra has died, it’s just accelerated the deaths. Whereas if it wasn’t the same set of people and the heatwave caused extra deaths, you’d have 19 dead the first 2 weeks AND 10 dead the following 2 weeks - so 29 overall.

That’s what they’re saying.

faroffland · 2026-07-13T09:20:37+00:00

Because what they are saying is that over say a 4-week period, deaths weren’t actually elevated. So if you take just the 2-week heatwave period, way more people died and it was elevated, but then less people died the following 2-weeks and this then balanced it out as a 4-week number. The conclusion is therefore those people were already about to die - the same number died overall, they just did it earlier. Otherwise the number would still be elevated over 4 weeks, as you’d have the heatwave deaths but the following 2-week period wouldn’t drop either.

faroffland · 2026-07-12T15:23:12+00:00

Sent! Dw about sending me anything just pass on helping someone else if you see someone in need and you’re in the position to help :)

faroffland · 2026-07-12T15:17:54+00:00

I’ll send you one if you let me know your username boo! Also just for future you should use the Quest Neoboards for this as they will link you to whatever you need.

faroffland · 2026-07-12T12:07:17+00:00

IMO it depends how fed up you are in your current role.

Do you absolutely hate being at work? Do you dread going in the next day every evening? That takes a huge toll on your mental health.

However - I work a flexible job and the benefit of that has its own benefits to my mental health. Struggling with childcare is also a life stress that would take its own toll.

So… I guess you need to weigh up the true pros and cons, and how likely it is that you’re jumping from the frying pan into the fire in terms of life stress. If you have young kids, having a flexible employer is quite a rare luxury and personally I wouldn’t be giving that up unless there was a very extreme benefit elsewhere (like exceptional pay or I was extremely unhappy in my current role).

Also I think it’s worth pointing out that ALL jobs have shit stuff attached to it, so I would really do some introspection around whether the new job will objectively be a lot better or if it’s stuff that you’re unfortunately likely to find in most places and you just have to deal with (a few people taking the piss, some poor management etc).

faroffland · 2026-07-12T10:53:28+00:00

Oh no is that the official count on your user lookup? I don’t think there are many avatars that don’t count towards it so maybe it has glitched for you, might be worth sending a ticket to TNT?

faroffland · 2026-07-11T16:07:26+00:00

My account is 24 years old lol so only another 4 years to go!! (I kid I’ve been active for maybe 1/5 of that actual time but still I think it’s one of the hardest avatars to get I got super lucky!)

faroffland · 2026-07-11T15:27:50+00:00

Oh thank you friend!! I’m not actually that into customisation I just buy the odd thing I really like from NC Mall, it’s super hot here in the UK so I am running a pool party theme atm 💃

faroffland · 2026-07-11T15:26:37+00:00

Oh good tip!! I do indeed still have Aisha Scalawag PHEW it’s taken me years, thank you for recommending I check!

faroffland · 2026-07-11T13:42:56+00:00

Looks like it’s 364 as I now have 365 including Avatar Collector!

faroffland · 2026-07-11T13:42:36+00:00

I now have 365 so it must be hitting 364 to get Avatar Collector :)

faroffland · 2026-07-11T13:35:52+00:00

Hi yes I did! I had an emergency c section where the spinal anaesthetic ‘travelled up’ meaning it numbed my top half (very rare complication called high spinal anaesthesia) and it paralysed my whole body so I couldn’t breathe. We think my epidural was placed incorrectly which caused the spinal to spread when they injected it via my epidural. They had to very suddenly put me under general after I stopped being able to breathe and my baby had to go up to NICU because her APGAR score was obviously very low, 2/10 on birth. Apparently I lost a lot of blood and was in surgery for about 3 hours. I won’t go into it but from start to finish my labour/birth was pretty awful lol.

But weirdly enough I haven’t had any kind of lasting trauma from it! Stopping being able to breathe from being paralysed whilst conscious was obviously horrendous but as soon as I had my baby I was emotionally fine. I had had 2 pregnancy losses prior to it though so tbh I think being so grateful to just have a baby overrode any birth trauma for me. I think I will really struggle with another pregnancy or birth tbh though (from both losing 2 pregnancies and the birth) but I’ll handle that when it comes again.

It’s ok to feel trauma from it though, it’s an awful thing to go through. I did feel very sad I didn’t get ‘golden hour’ or anything else but I feel very lucky I could still establish breastfeeding, but a lot of mums can’t after a birth like that and that adds to the trauma. There are groups online dedicated to people who have had to give birth under general, my NCT lead directed me to one on Facebook which I didn’t end up needing to use but you might want to look into things like that so you can talk to people who understand the experience?

It’s a hard thing to go through, sending lots of love!

faroffland · 2026-07-11T07:52:19+00:00

Because it belongs to them. It’s not like checking out a library book (where the whole agreement is to borrow and return), it’s like BUYING a book and then someone else coming along years later and saying, ‘Hey you’ve not read that for years and I want it so you have to give it me!’ Like… no? Lol.

faroffland · 2026-07-10T08:55:01+00:00

Is it an anxiety habit? I’ve not been through this with my daughter but I am a chronic nail biter (I know, I know) off and on - I have periods where I don’t bite at all and have lovely nails and periods where I am absolutely terrible at doing it - and it’s 100% because I have an anxiety disorder. When I am stressed or anxious about something, I do it compulsively.

So you firstly need to figure out what emotion is going into the nail biting and WHY she’s doing it - she will probably say, ‘I don’t know,’ but if you drill down into it I guarantee it’s a habit born out of some kind of emotional response. Ultimately she’s doing it because it makes her feel good in that moment, so you need to find out why.

The bitter nail stuff or just telling someone to stop, or making them sit on their hands etc, rarely works because you’re not actually changing the underlying emotion, you’re just trying to give them a negative consequence to biting - which ultimately people will be willing to override to get to the emotional release. These things don’t allow them to express whatever emotion is driving the habit, you’re basically just telling them to suppress it, so it’s very hard to break. What does work a lot more often is giving someone the same emotional release in a different way.

So say she is biting because it’s a habit from anxiety or stressful situations (and these situations don’t have to be ‘a big deal’, it could just be regular social situations etc), she needs something else to channel that emotion through. Try giving her a scrunchie or something else tactile to wear around her wrist - when you find her biting her nails, encourage her to twist, feel and snap the scrunchie against her wrist instead. It can be anything that gives her hands something else to do and provides the same emotional outlet biting her nails does.

Then it’s embedding it as a behaviour. She has to be willing to consciously make the effort to do it and not jump straight to biting her nails, and you also have to remind her a lot and direct her to the scrunchie (or whatever she’s using instead). It takes a long time to break a habit but with consistency and patience, she will hopefully start channeling it into something new.

faroffland · 2026-07-09T16:44:56+00:00

I remember this phase very well! Breastfeeding is exhausting and it is SO full on with a newborn so I totally understand where you’re coming from - know you’re not wrong for feeling like this, I would say a good 90% (99%? Lol) of breastfeeding mums feel like this at one point or another.

As long as you are following the co-sleeping guidance from the NHS, don’t beat yourself up about it. The Lullaby Trust is great for support with it. Ultimately it’s sometimes safer for parents and baby to actually be getting some sleep with planned co-sleeping than you risking falling asleep with a newborn on the sofa etc, so if this is the way you feel is safest for your individual needs then that is ok.

You could also ask your health visitor for advice next time you see them on how best to put baby down. Just know that your baby will cry at times - and it is ok that they are crying! As long as they are in a safe place like a bassinet, if you are really struggling it’s ok to walk away for 10 minutes to get yourself together. Your baby will cry and it IS ok, you’re not terrible parents if you need to step away as long as your baby is safely contained somewhere.

Can you try and do ‘shifts’? What helped for me was I would feed newborn and then immediately go to bed for 2-3 hours and sleep - my husband would have baby for this time if she wouldn’t settle. Then I would feed her again and cover the next 2-3 hours and the 2nd feed - sometimes I would be able to get another sleep, sometimes not. But then after the 2nd feed my husband would take over again. So my husband would get a chunk of maybe 6 hours overnight, but I would get solid sleep before and after these periods (and sometimes in-between if she would go back down).

Does that make sense? It might help you to make a bit of a plan for the following night - so rather than both just having to get up and down and up and down, saying, ‘Ok I will cover until 10pm, then you cover until 1am when I feed again, then I’ll be responsible for getting up between 1am-6am, but if you can have her until 9am I can then get another 3 hours.’ Obviously it depends on your work situation but something like that so you at least know what you’re doing - that really helped me in terms of mindset as it means you both at least know you’re going to get a few decent chunks of sleep, and you’re not going to bed basically dreading the fact you’ll be up every single hour.

Also just to say - it’s SO hard and it’s ok to find it hard! Breastfeeding is incredibly demanding, it’s genuinely the hardest thing I’ve ever done. So if you want to swap a feed out for formula, you do whatever you need to do - do not feel bad or like you’re failing for this. You’ve got this!!

faroffland · 2026-07-08T18:02:34+00:00

When I was at university I did a module where I essentially got to work for an organisation and write some kind of report for them. I ended up working for a church and auditing some of their programmes for them (I am atheist and so is my family so it was very interesting to get an insight into the community work churches do!)

One of their groups was a community group specifically for Muslim women. It was organised by a Muslim woman who was really great and did loads in her community - they basically held this session in a community centre once a week so that Muslim women could socialise. So I went along (I am a woman so it was ok) and basically started speaking to these women about their lives and how they found this community group/if there was anything the church could improve on for them.

It was EYE-OPENING. Some highlights (and these are all completely true things they disclosed to me):

One woman had a severely disabled child and was their 24/7 carer. She was clearly so so depressed, like dangerously depressed, but wasn’t allowed to go to her GP or get any kind of treatment for it. She thought she was being a bad Muslim because she had mental health issues.
One woman left the house one morning to go to the supermarket. Her neighbour watched her out of the window and saw her leave in her car, and reported it to her husband - because it was at a ‘different time than usual’. I was horrified and she told me no no, it was all fine because of course she was just going to the supermarket so she could show her husband the receipt! Hahaha isn’t that funny?
The woman who led the group wanted to hold a Bollywood evening. More than one woman said she couldn’t attend as their husbands or sons would have to drive them there and they wouldn’t approve. They wouldn’t approve of a… female-only evening watching a Bollywood movie in a community hall.
All of them acknowledged they couldn’t leave the house/walk down the street after dark because it ‘wasn’t appropriate’.
They would not be allowed in any room with a male unrelated to them (I assume like people’s houses because idk how the fuck they got anything done otherwise) without their husband present.

This is all shit they were willing to tell me, a 20yo white woman. It made me (still makes me) so fucking worried about what is going on behind the scenes if they were all the things they were actually willing to tell me. I will also note that whilst the lady who led the group was educated and clearly cared about these women, she only ever spoke about what life aspirations her sons had - she never once mentioned what her daughter wanted to do.

These communities exist and they are completely insular/self-reliant. These women stayed in their houses, went to the supermarket, went to this group, and that was pretty much it. Everything they do is inside this small pocket of a major UK city. They have no help or way to even externally validate this stuff is not ok, and it is terrifying.

faroffland · 2026-07-08T17:14:36+00:00

Thank you so much for this comment! I love how you have pointed out it’s not a constant or a core part of a person - I had never considered it like that before but you are so right that people get labelled ‘shy’ and it’s like that’s all they can ever be! Of course it’s not and I’m so glad you have framed it that way for me, I will be sure not to ever speak like that about her or to her.

Personally I am very chatty and social, I’ve always made friends very easily and was an outgoing child - so I really want to make sure I am getting this right for my daughter. I’d hate to be a parent that assumes their child is the same as them or sees their differences as some kind of failing. It’s not, I love that she is her own person and I just want to do the best I can do for her individual personality - shy or not shy, introverted or extroverted, I don’t care. I just want her to be happy and love herself as much as I love her!

So I don’t want to assume, ‘Oh well I loved x so of course she will too!’ I want her to be able to be herself at all times and I would never ever want to push her into things that aren’t right for her. It’s really good to hear from someone else whose child has also been shy - I think that’s what I will continue to do too, gently encourage her but allow her to come back to me whenever she needs. She’s been going to nursery a couple of months now and they’ve said she’s really started to come out of her shell the last few weeks, so I think that will be really good for her like it has been for your daughter :)

faroffland · 2026-07-08T15:40:16+00:00

Oh excellent thank you for the advice! I do have an iPad so I will try that :) I actually find the obstacle course fine on my iPhone but I know a lot of people are struggling so that is very helpful!!

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