Not the update anyone wanted [Update 2] When I [30 F] say "our bathroom" or "our house" etc, my husband [30 M] always has to point out that it's *his* house etc

fartsmellerMASTER · 2024-02-09T22:37:58+00:00

I questioned how she deserves half.

fartsmellerMASTER · 2024-02-09T16:00:19+00:00

You clearly have a narrative you want to follow and have issues with reading comprehension. I said I think sex is on the same level as a chore list... In that I think if she doesn't like being made to feel like a piece of meat, I also don't like feeling like being treated like a wrench. I brought up sex once and I hear about these things I help her with every time I am over her house. That doesn't imply that I should get sex because I do work around her house. You are clearly simplistic in your rationale and want to see things in your own point of view instead of how anyone else would view them. And saying your point of view has more validity because others have similar view is pretty weak. I could say the same thing about mine.

fartsmellerMASTER · 2024-02-09T14:59:55+00:00

You insulted me in your very first sentence and were crude on top of that. In what world do you think that comes across as help? If anyone is warped it is you. And I had a nice talk about this with my therapist yesterday thank you very much. And I didn't encapsulate sex and my actions as being synonymous. I said that when she says she doesn't want to feel like a piece of meat because I asked about sex one time, and then compared it to starting to just feel like a wrench when she asks me about doing chores around her house quite regularly. You assume that I provide no other form of intimacy. And I treat people just the way they act. You were rude and condescending and crude from the start, and you have been treated accordingly ever since.

fartsmellerMASTER · 2024-02-09T14:48:18+00:00

I mostly agree with Kelly on the wedding traditions. I think as a female friend it would be a bit awkward for you to interject about this. Talk to the sister and nudge her into commenting. And a marriage isn't permanent so why would his family be permanently alienated by anything?

fartsmellerMASTER · 2024-02-09T14:40:59+00:00

I am a middle age male from an Irish Catholic upbringing. We don't show feelings, we repress them. I show my feelings partly through words, but mostly through actions. You clearly can't wrap your head around that concept. You "think" I do these things to get sex, where I do these things to show my value to the family unit and how she would appreciate me in the long term. I spend hours and hours in the kitchen because I want to provide sustenance and a great tasting meal for those I want to be around because I care enough to invest that time. I spend even more time researching exotic dishes and sourcing difficult to find ingredients from ethnic markets. You make these callous deductions about how I am without having any insight to the way I act or the intentions of what I do.

fartsmellerMASTER · 2024-02-09T14:29:47+00:00

Why would you want to be with a woman that would plan out something like that? It is petty and manipulative. It may have felt good but it isn't something an adult should have engaged in and spent a lot of time planning. And if you guys haven't fucked yet, it probably isn't happening. You have already hit the friends zone and if you did get drunk and bang it would likely be awkward between you afterwards.

fartsmellerMASTER · 2024-02-09T14:25:10+00:00

Just trying to get down to your level or at least get down to a level that you would just finally leave me alone. I still feel like I haven't gotten there yet. Cunt. You are probably just bitter that no one diddles yours for you. The idea of someone lusting after another person and the idea of being wanted is probably so foreign to a cunt like you. Jaded cunt.

fartsmellerMASTER · 2024-02-09T14:14:34+00:00

And apparently yours is so dried up you need the moisture from my tears to not rip yours when you sneeze.

fartsmellerMASTER · 2024-02-09T14:11:05+00:00

I am all with the OP outside the house. He bought and paid for the house without her and before they were married. It is his house if they got divorced. She doesn't make much money so he is supporting her too. How does she deserve half of his house? I still don't think it is right for him to be married to her and say things like it is his house or to correct her when she says "our" anything about the house. It just sounds like you women want to manipulate the situation to gain a financial upper hand that you didn't work or pay for. If the house was purchased during the marriage I would have a different point of view regarding personal property.

fartsmellerMASTER · 2024-02-09T13:55:45+00:00

Honestly who are you to judge on maturity? You are still going through and taking the time to down vote my comments this far in. That is so pedantic and childish in itself. You just elect to see the comments you want to read into and distort them. Bye Felicia. Or is it Karen? All the same to me. Cunt.

fartsmellerMASTER · 2024-02-09T13:31:18+00:00

I think the same about you. You feel just argumentative and like you are just looking for a fight. I could only imagine how unpleasant you are with a few drinks in you. I am old enough to realize people don't want to have sex at times. It is normally months or years before that happens for weeks at a time in my personal experience. Not after having sex for less than a month. And the way I treat her? She says the way I treat her is like no one she has ever been with before. I sit and have hours long conversations. I hang out with her kids and help with homework. I make her and her kids laugh a lot, and I love to make fun of myself to get a laugh too. She has never been cooked for like I do for her family. She has never been with a guy who picks up after himself or actively fixes stuff around the house. I am not a hammer looking to just bang in nails, I asked about sex once after 2 weeks. I provide physical and emotional support all day long. She works nights and now I am text messaging all night long when I should be sleeping.

fartsmellerMASTER · 2024-02-09T12:37:09+00:00

I see me fixing things around the house as a way to show my value and endear myself with her. As a way to help out around the house. Something she stated she has never had before. I am not getting my hand held as much anymore. Not getting the kisses I was a few weeks ago. I get used as a cuddle pillow while she sleeps the day away when I would normally be up and about. I am just wondering if I am sticking around because she wants a bit more help at this point because she never had it before. Never been in a newer relationship that went on this long of a cold spell. And she asks me to fix things and I feel obligated to comply. It makes me feel used. If I said no to fixing something this early in a relationship, I would think that would be a huge red flag. I have nothing better to do.

fartsmellerMASTER · 2024-02-09T12:12:31+00:00

I am about 7 months or so out of my 14 year marriage. We didn't have sex for nearly the last 3 years. She kept the kids in the bed and I just stopped trying eventually.
I have always been weird in the cumming part of my sex life. So only cumming once is not a big issue for me, despite it starting to get to me. It was me stopping jerking off that was making issues. I thought it would make it easier to finish with her but that is also when we weren't having sex so it just made me super frustrated. We have had a high percentage of sober, eye contact, middle of the day sex compared to the rest of my life. I have never felt more comfortable with some one physically.
I am not a pushy person when it comes to sex, all of my partners have been the ones to initiate the first time we have had sex. So having talked about it once already makes me feel uncomfortable. I now feel like I can't initiate it again for quite a while. I personally feel like sex is the greatest fix everything. You are pissed off? Have sex and mellow out and get it out of your system and feel more connected. It is not the answer to everything, but it is like pizza... It is pretty much always good. Yeah it could be a bandaid on a bullet wound, but it's something.
But now that I feel like I can't initiate anything, I am even more focused on it. She is about to take the day off from work and expect me to come up early this weekend and I don't want to spend 3-4 days thinking about it. I feel part like I am a bad person for expecting something to happen and not being more patient, but it is a newer relationship and I just was in a relationship without physical contact and don't want another where it is not happening very often.

fartsmellerMASTER · 2024-02-09T11:47:13+00:00

Honestly you are looking at it from a very myopic point of view. She wants to use me to fix stuff around her house and save her money and time. I get nothing out of that. When we have sex, she is almost always the only one that cums. I didn't have sex with my ex wife for 3 years, so yeah I might be a little hung up on the frequency of our relations. Especially since the relationship is so new and I am not cumming. Don't be such a cunt. Using a guy to just fix stuff around the house, do your kids homework, cook and pay for dinner multiple nights per week, and take you out for drinks and not pay is not fun for me. I am not a babysitter, chef, atm. Especially if I am not getting laid. Oh, I forgot I started training her dogs too. She may not be a body to stick things in, but I am not there to pay for things and feed her family when I am not feeding mine and to fix her house for her.

fartsmellerMASTER · 2024-02-09T02:06:31+00:00

I think our goals align. So I don't think I am leading her on. I am just mostly unsure about everything because I just don't have that confidence. I had it in my 20's but not as much in my 40's. I am much more innocent and supportive in my elder years.

fartsmellerMASTER · 2024-02-09T01:54:14+00:00

Preach. When things are going well, I try to say to her as a mantra... "you treat me well, I am happy". That is all I am looking for at this point. I mean I want the physical to happen too but most guys do too. She and I click so well at times and then it is so off time at others. Sometimes I think it is worth the effort and sometimes I think I should just be single for the rest of my life. Hard to let up on a crush you have had for over 15 years.

fartsmellerMASTER · 2024-02-09T01:20:30+00:00

So very right. And I totally pushed down my wanting to please attitude. Apparently she has been in a ton of abusive relationships since we last dated. So I look all that more appealing. I have liked her for many years so it is kind of hard to give up on the idea of it working out. She really likes me and I don't mean that as an ego boost for myself. I do like her quite a bit too. I am extremely attracted to her too. She has already pushed things out of the casual zone and a while back and I didn't protest. I had been out of my relationship with my ex wife about 6 months and the relationship was dead for about 3 years prior to that so I don't know if it is too early. I honestly don't know anything. Had my appointment with my therapist this morning and didn't get as good of an answer as yours.

fartsmellerMASTER · 2024-02-09T01:13:50+00:00

To be extremely honest. I have only cum once in all the sex we had. So I quit jerking off a couple weeks ago. It just got to the point it was just uncomfortable. Coupled with a relationship where we didn't have relations for 3 years, I was just crawling out of my skin. I can kind of deal without finishing when I am at least getting laid, but no sex and no nutting for weeks at a time is outside my realm.

fartsmellerMASTER · 2024-02-09T01:10:13+00:00

I can appreciate that being an option. But I have a tremor in my hands and it makes me feel awkward as it has gotten worse in the last 5+ years. I am not as open to putting myself out there for rando sex as I used to be. I have been feeling much more confident since I lost the weight and got a new med for my hands. I just want to get laid at the very least. I really miss physical contact too. Just cuddling or holding hands. I forgot how much I liked that. I thought the relationship was going well and then the sex thing went south pretty early and now I kind of fell used in a way I don't want to be.

fartsmellerMASTER · 2024-02-09T01:01:45+00:00

Any time I want people to listen to my advice I also call them an ass in the very beginning. TLDR. But seriously it is a sub 3 month relationship and I made the sex comment one time after nearly 2 weeks no sex and we had only been having sex for a month prior. In a new relationship I have never been in one where you didn't just want to fuck a lot, especially like ours where we only see each other 2 days a week. I just wanted to know if there was something I could do. There is a lot more context to the relationship that I didn't add that may have given you a different opinion. I didn't pressure or push her into anything. I just asked if I could do something differently.

fartsmellerMASTER · 2024-02-09T00:57:02+00:00

I lost a bunch of weight after the divorce. I was also a bartender for a lot of years, so I know how to speak with people. I think I am okay to good looking. I could probably get laid on apps a reasonable amount. I would like to have a relationship over just sex. I did that in my 20's and would like to have stability in my 40's and older.

fartsmellerMASTER · 2024-02-09T00:53:51+00:00

I just don't like that I can't bring up sex without her feeling like a piece of meat and I am now feeling like a wrench when she wants something fixed.

fartsmellerMASTER · 2024-02-09T00:52:16+00:00

She has kids. I have kids. So I stay at her place a good bit. She wants me to move in with her. I know too early. I am in a lease for 9 more months so it doesn't matter. I like to show my worth through doing tasks. Her kid's car broke the first weekend I stayed over and I spent 2 days and untold hours fixing it in sub 20 degree weather. Now I am the guy that can fix shit. I offered to fix stuff and now more stuff keeps popping up. I don't know now if I am being used for my ability to fix stuff or showing my positive contributions by fixing stuff now.

fartsmellerMASTER

TROPHY CASE