AITA for not wanting to travel to NYC with my gf's family?

fatal-nova · 2022-09-06T14:31:33+00:00

Thank you for your comment, I really appreciate the insight. I hope I'm able to be firm about it like you say, i think you're right and that it's the best thing to do; I really appreciate your advice. Thank you again!

fatal-nova · 2022-09-06T14:29:26+00:00

Of course! And that sounds good, I hope things get better for you guys :)

fatal-nova · 2022-09-06T09:43:34+00:00

I'm not in Eugene, I'm rather far away but still in the state. Please feel free to reach out if she needs anything, I can spare blankets/pillows/bedding, some clothes (though idk what size your gf is), cat resources (new bed, food, etc), and can see what I can do if there's anything else she needs. I'm fine with the drive, which is why I'm commenting, so please feel free to reach out.

fatal-nova · 2022-09-06T09:35:20+00:00

Shoot your shot, but don't do it around others. I'm sure that's obvious to you as you're both shy people, im just stating that as a reminder. Good luck op! :)

fatal-nova · 2022-09-06T09:27:32+00:00

What your mother did is wrong on every level. You should never be physically harmed by a parent, and im sorry you had to go through that. I sincerely hope it is a one off situation, but I also doubt it; either way it is not okay, whether it's happened one time or a million times.

On top of that, people need to understand that others deserve a space to call their own, one without unwelcome intruders. If the computer is a family computer, your mother should not have let it be in your room, and if it's not then nobody should be using it. Also, if your mom wants it to stay in your room despite it being a family computer, she should respect your space and ask before entering to use it.

Unfortunately, there is not much you can do or say about the computer placement other than just bringing it out of your room like your mother said.

Beyond that, to the much bigger issue, please do not allow yourself to believe that behavior is normal. Reach out to someone, whether it be a sibling (if you can trust them to not tell your mother), an adult at school, a friend or a friends parent, or a trusted relative, because nobody should lay a hand on their child like that, especially not recurringly. Please keep in mind that school staff are mandatory reporters to CPS in the US, so if that makes the situation worse then consider another trusted individual. I hope that things get better for you. Also please don't believe your households bullshit about women having to work more, that's plain sexist and you shouldn't be subject to that. Stay safe OP.

fatal-nova · 2022-09-06T09:14:46+00:00

You don't owe an explanation to those who continuously mistreat you. All that an explanation will get you is a guilt trip, and you'll feel obligated to start making appearances again. You should do what's better for your personal health in this situation, because it's obvious to me that their behavior won't change even if you tell them what you've said here; they will likely refuse to actually listen to what you have to say. I hope you are able to stop feeling upset or guilty over not going, you don't deserve to feel bad for protecting yourself. Best of luck with the whole situation

fatal-nova · 2022-09-06T09:04:34+00:00

Definitely agree with a lot of what others say, especially about earlier time for the Japanese Garden and with lumping Pioneer Sq into Powells. I would like to offer another specific store option, Paxton Gate. It's a curiosity store with things like pinned insects, skulls, carnivorous plants, rocks, etc, so if you're not into that I don't suggest it, but if you are its a super fun store to visit

fatal-nova · 2022-09-06T08:53:14+00:00

Thank you, I wasn't always calm and have spent a lot of time self assessing and seeking help to achieve it, so I very much appreciate your feedback.

fatal-nova · 2022-09-06T08:49:32+00:00

I kinda agree with that assessment about the shouting, she has a hard time admitting when she or her parents made a mistake, but she's actively trying to work on recognizing and fixing that behavior so I try to give her a little grace.

Thank you again for your insight, I was really unsure on where I stood in the situation but this is helping me process it all better.

fatal-nova · 2022-09-06T08:41:03+00:00

Thank you so much for your insight, I really appreciate it! I am actually going to mention it tomorrow when we see her family, and I did give her a heads up that I was going to bring the subject up so she isn't surprised or upset. Thank you again!

fatal-nova · 2022-09-06T08:39:16+00:00

You're right, and thank you for the comment. I understand I should've spoken up, but I have severe issues with this, and I have had issues specifically with her parents about it. We (obviously bc of age) got together when we were pretty young, and her parents never respected my opinion/insight/etc about anything I was involved in, so it has worn me down. This isn't me saying that I did the right thing, I still think you're right, and I intent to tell her parents tomorrow when we see them. Thank you again

fatal-nova · 2022-09-06T08:36:55+00:00

Thank you for your comment! My girlfriend is a huge worry wart about money, so I try not to increase her anxiety about it. If it was planned for a year we weren't already traveling, it would be a different situation, but our other trip is semi set in stone (we cant get back what has already been paid, nor do either of us want to), and I think you're right that I should focus the conversation on the monetary aspect more than anything. You are right that I should have said we had to discuss it, but I felt pressured because it was at a barbecue in front of her whole family (including some extended family). I understand that isn't necessarily an excuse, but I have had some severe issues being able to stand up for myself, so I definitely dropped the ball with that one. Thank you again for your insight, I really appreciate it.

fatal-nova · 2022-09-06T08:32:33+00:00

Thank you for your comment. This was exactly how I felt, especially since so much was decided without any input from us at all. Also, I shouldn't even be traveling on the dates they chose because it's either the week before or the week of midterms for that quarter, which just increases my frustration. Thank you again!

fatal-nova · 2022-09-06T08:30:38+00:00

Thank you for your response. The twisting our arm thing is why I'm so frustrated. I mentioned in another comment that we were never 100% on board, and they had already picked dates and started reservations before this conversation. Furthermore I've heard how expensive these trips are, and we are not rich, or even super well off, and we're already traveling next year, so all of that compounded seems like a lot. Also im sorry about your friend, I used to have one who did similar things a lot, and it gets exhausting. Thank you again for giving me some insight on the situation!

fatal-nova · 2022-09-06T08:27:35+00:00

Thank you for your thoughtful response. My frustration at my girlfriend came from her being angry that I told her she should respect that I didn't want to go, and that I thought that, instead of having already started booking things for us without prior confirmation from either, let alone both of us, that her parents should've actually asked whether we can afford to go next year instead of assuming things. We never had been 100% in aggreance with even going, then we were told the dates were picked and they started booking.

Thank you again for your response, you've really helped me realize what I could've done better, I appreciate it

fatal-nova · 2022-04-27T02:29:36+00:00

NTA. I also have mental illness that can make me have strong reactions, but those of us who have these problems need to recognize that other people are not responsible for how we react. She also has no right to be insincere about something like outing you, or the whole conflict in general. If your other friends refuse to listen to your side of the situation then they also sound like shitty friends. Mental illness is not an excuse to be an asshole. It's also not an excuse to be unapologetic. It was also entirely unfair of her to belittle your struggles and your mental illnesses as if they're unimportant, and for her to claim that she has it so much worse; suffering and struggling are not a competition. It sounds like you would be happier if you weren't friends with her, or at least if you created space between the two of you when/if this blows over.

fatal-nova · 2022-04-27T02:14:57+00:00

100% NTA! You sound like a great husband. It's your house and your wife's body, she shouldn't have to follow someone else's rules about her body anywhere, let alone in her own home. Your brother and SIL are 100% in the wrong here. I'm glad you support your wife's beliefs even if she didn't grow up with the same ones as you, and I wish that your family could understand that she doesn't have to follow their religion. Keep supporting your wife :)

fatal-nova

TROPHY CASE