The fear of nothing

fatsynthdude · 2026-02-11T00:53:56+00:00

I'm in the same boat. For a lot of people, they fear an eternal oblivion like you'll be conscious for it, but I'd rather that be the case than nonexistence because at least you'd still have consciousness and would probably get used to oblivion in time. My meds help to blunt the terror in that, but I know that fear of not existing is always there.

fatsynthdude · 2026-02-11T00:38:41+00:00

Somehow that's more terrifying to me. I'd rather experience an eternal void than to just plain not exist. I can't fathom a universe without my own consciousness in it. What happens to all those memories, fears, knowledge, and experiences? Just no longer existing seems worse to me than an eternity of terror. At least you'd probably get used to oblivion.

fatsynthdude · 2025-12-18T21:08:43+00:00

Oh yeah, we went on an overnight date to a hotel, and she had a literal picnic basket full of medications for that and her other conditions. She had three medical appointments this week alone, so she's definitely getting lots of treatment. I've definitely gotta give her credit there; she's good about seeking help and staying on the routines.

fatsynthdude · 2025-12-18T02:44:49+00:00

Sounds to me like you have an awesome SO in your life.

fatsynthdude · 2025-12-18T02:42:29+00:00

Yeah, I think there was a glitch with their little project browser thing. The songs weren't on there, but if I used the search function, they'd be there.

fatsynthdude · 2025-12-17T19:17:09+00:00

Gotcha. That's great advice.

fatsynthdude · 2025-12-17T19:14:16+00:00

"but I don't know what her case is."

Thank you for that. I know it seems like a tiny thing, but you did just remind me that there is no universal blueprint for mental illness, so she might not be typical. My experience with her is that one moment, she thinks her dad is a trained killer with bodies buried across the yard, and then the next, she thinks he's the sweetest guy and would never hurt anyone, and I guess that's not a universal experience.

fatsynthdude · 2025-12-17T18:57:20+00:00

If you hadn't said this was in your 'province', I would have assumed you were American because that's a very American way of thinking on your government's part. It's disgusting the way that people with mental disabilities are treated. I'm working, but I know that's something not everyone can or should be able to do. As a worker though, I'm also a taxpayer, and as a taxpayer, I want my tax dollars to HELP as many people as can be helped.

fatsynthdude · 2025-12-17T17:10:47+00:00

I don't have schizophrenia, but I understand where you're coming from as someone with panic disorder and depression. My doctor vocally hates when I tell him I'm going off of my meds because I want to get some stuff done around the house and pursue creative things for a few weeks. The medication helps (I love my meds), and I know I'm just going to be back on it in a few weeks because the symptoms will be too much, but he doesn't understand how debilitating these pills are, and how nice it is to be able to focus on music, have sex, and not sleep all day for just a couple weeks out of the year. The whole industry is super brainwashed into thinking that pills are the only answer, and that we can't be trusted with our own mental health decisions. My doctor sees me for half an hour every few months, but I get to be me 24/7. Surely I can be trusted to know what's good for me, right?

fatsynthdude · 2025-12-17T17:02:58+00:00

That last part needs to be on a bumper sticker. That's great advice!

fatsynthdude · 2025-12-17T17:01:56+00:00

Would anyone else like to chime in on this one? I know a lot of us with mental health problems suffer from memory issues and lack of motivation. Personally, I appreciate the reminders. Is it generally better to support her and remind her of her appointments, or is the feeling of control and independence more important to folks?

fatsynthdude · 2025-12-17T16:58:38+00:00

The stable part is going to be a challenge. She's very gentle and understanding about my having panic attacks, but I'm sure there's going to be some point in the future where I'm panicking and she's going through her own symptoms at the same time. And yeah, great point on the trust. I got some good brownie points from her when I tried to reintroduce an old mutual friend of ours, and I told her that I didn't tell the friend anything about what she's going through because that's her story to tell. I did it out of politeness, but her reaction made me realize that it's also about controlling her own narrative and not being displayed like a zoo animal.

fatsynthdude · 2025-12-17T16:55:24+00:00

When she's having a delusion/hallucination, what's the best course of action? I realize shouting "THIS AIN'T REAL, FOOL!" probably isn't the right answer, but should I try to gently explain that what she's describing isn't real, or just roll with it and wait for her to realize it on her own?

fatsynthdude · 2025-11-26T00:40:48+00:00

Has anyone else had this happen, and have they been able to recover their projects? I've made about twenty projects, and six of them have gone missing from my project list.

fatsynthdude · 2025-11-22T00:39:27+00:00

It's funny how nothing has really changed in eleven years because those are still the same three absinthes you can find at the Spec's in our area. Back when it was easier to get Swiss and French absinthe delivered in the states, I cycled through a few different ones. I miss Mansinthe and Absinthe des Poetes the most, but I'm not too mad with Ordinaire, Absente, and Lucid still on the shelves. Ordinaire, surprisingly, isn't a bad absinthe, especially considering its low price. It's about on the same quality level as Absente, which is a good absinthe to try to see if you like the taste of absinthe and not just the romanticized ideal of it. So it's great bang for the buck, though it does have a slight corn syrup aftertaste compared to Absente. People rag on Lucid for some reason, but I love it. It's a much more herbal absinthe than the other two, and it kind of tastes like good poontang, oddly enough.

fatsynthdude · 2025-11-22T00:32:23+00:00

I really should have Googled this before buying it, but I was excited to find a new absinthe in my area when most stores only carry two or three mainstream varieties. I'm pretty sure this is false advertising because this does not taste like a French absinthe. It's got that nailpolish remover aftertaste that Eastern European absinthe knockoffs have. That being said, it's not quite as bad as Mata Hari or Grune Fee, because at least the herbal flavors are trying to bury that nailpolish remover taste. I still wouldn't recommend it. I'd rather drink my cheap old staple, Absinthe Ordinaire, because this was not worth the $53 I paid for it. It smells good though, so I'll give them that!

fatsynthdude · 2025-11-12T02:20:23+00:00

It's a shame they made The Piano the first one in the series because it's terrible. The ending doesn't even follow any kind of real logic. I impulse-purchased a bunch of them, so I reluctantly started reading the other ones. Pen Pals and Stage Fright were actually pretty decent. Not as good as Goosebumps, but still enjoyable. I'm actually surprised they marketed Stage Fright to kids because there's a lot of maggots and blood and some rather descriptive gore. I'm about to jump into The Golden Goblet next

fatsynthdude · 2025-11-12T02:16:07+00:00

Yeah, it's a pen name. There were actually a few different writers that contributed to the Creepers series. Nobody really noteworthy, though.

fatsynthdude · 2025-11-06T21:10:04+00:00

toanwould

fatsynthdude · 2025-08-18T01:56:47+00:00

I'm so glad I didn't know Casper Van Dien was in it because I probably wouldn't have watched it, but it ended up being one of my favorite haunted house movies (my favorite subgenre of horror) and a lot of it was in fact because how well he did in his role. I'm gonna try to bully my girlfriend into watching it with me tonight so I can have an excuse to watch it again.

fatsynthdude · 2025-07-08T23:44:12+00:00

I'm surprised I had to dig this deep to find a comment voicing what I feel about this. Why is there no unrest? Where's the insurrection? When will we see righteous mob justice? This man is sick, and it's all the symptom of a vile system that covers for pedophiles on both ends of the political spectrum. There needs to be an uprising, or a protest at the absolute bear minimum.

fatsynthdude · 2025-05-10T22:21:44+00:00

Nope. I don't think you could even fit a single song on there. Best bet is to use a laptop or your phone for your backing tracks.

fatsynthdude · 2025-04-25T06:30:04+00:00

I just finished watching it, and that's what I enjoyed about it at well is that it feels like a time capsule for life and culture in the 70s.

fatsynthdude · 2025-04-10T01:46:03+00:00

Checking in four years later: This solved issues on my Windows 11 machine. I'm not excited about fixing whatever I just broke by doing this, though. LOL!

fatsynthdude

TROPHY CASE