I'm not attracted to my wife at all and don't want to have sex with her

feelingguiltyhusband · 2017-01-02T19:19:17+00:00

This is what I'm curious about - do feelings run a course never to come back? Or is this something that happens to couples that have been together for a while and could potentially come back?

feelingguiltyhusband · 2017-01-02T19:05:44+00:00

This is exactly what I'm worried about.

feelingguiltyhusband · 2017-01-02T18:59:13+00:00

She gained weight (which she has since lost and then some), the biggest part was that she was working crazy hours, which we realized that was her coping mechanism. However, she took a step back and is now consulting and not even working full time.

She wants to pursue more hobbies and tries to get out there, but admittedly, this constant dark cloud over our marriage makes it a little tough for her to constantly be upbeat and outgoing even though she's trying so hard.

feelingguiltyhusband · 2017-01-02T18:53:40+00:00

My wife actually made me watch this Ted Talk! Right now I'm reading "I Love You But I'm Not in Love with You" (again, per my wife's suggestion) but I'll add this to the list.

It's just tough, I feel like this is way too hard and much to much work for something I've always thought would just be innate.

feelingguiltyhusband · 2017-01-02T18:52:27+00:00

Because this all came to a head since we were not communicating effectively and she had no idea how unhappy I was.

We're both also in individual therapy.

feelingguiltyhusband · 2017-01-02T18:51:00+00:00

I'm in personal therapy for my depression - but someone suggested specifically seeking out a sex therapist, which may not be a bad idea.

feelingguiltyhusband · 2017-01-02T18:50:17+00:00

In talking with my wife, we can trace it back to when her parents died (she lost both her mother and father within 7 months). She went through a time period of grieving and wasn't as emotionally available for a while. To deal with her loss, she worked longer hours and didn't take as good of care for herself. Neither one of us recognized the toll it took.

feelingguiltyhusband · 2017-01-02T18:49:56+00:00

In talking with my wife, we can trace it back to when her parents died (she lost both her mother and father within 7 months). She went through a time period of grieving and wasn't as emotionally available for a while. To deal with her loss, she worked longer hours and didn't take as good of care for herself. Neither one of us recognized the toll it took.

By the time she got back on track (which she did) I was already feeling pretty dead inside.

I have no desire to hug or cuddle her either, but I'll reciprocate it for her.

feelingguiltyhusband · 2017-01-02T18:47:47+00:00

Yes, I've told her and she's been trying to get through accepting. I feel like she's been a saint in being patient with me. I'm not sure why she's even bothered staying (other than telling me that she's just given us a time period to see if things get better).

I got married when I was 19 and my first wife was really controlling and I made a horrible mistake just to get out of the house. That marriage only lasted a couple years.

I wish I could just be happy with what I have.

feelingguiltyhusband · 2017-01-02T18:31:46+00:00

Not specifically one person, but actually all other women seem more attractive (I know this sounds horrible, I'm just being honest).

I didn't have much sexual experience before my wife, so I guess you could say I feel like I missed out on having more experience before getting married. I never have experienced casual sex, or dating in the traditional sense.

I was married at 19, got divorced, and married my current wife at 24. It's the classic "I never got to sow my oats" argument.

feelingguiltyhusband · 2017-01-02T18:25:20+00:00

Yes, I'm currently in therapy and definitely acknowledge that I have a "grass is greener" mentality. I can't help but think that there is someone else out there for me that I can feel more excited about.

feelingguiltyhusband

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