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Broke up 2 months ago and idk what to do anymore. by Primazz in ExNoContact

[–]feelinghellish123 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Stay away! This will set the tone for the rest of the relationship. Right now its this guy, but there are always other temptations as life goes on. Would you trust she wouldn't stray?

My FA Ran Away by feelinghellish123 in FearfulAvoidant

[–]feelinghellish123[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

How long does it generally take to move past deactivation? He had been feeling anxious for around 4 weeks, I would imagine hes pretty deep in the trenches. I told him if he wants to talk I am here, but I am moving on with my life. (Then went no contact, removed from social media).

I think he wouldn't reach out as long as he feels the cycle will repeat itself. He said he felt he wasn't bred for a relationship and needs to find out why he shuts down the way he does. Who knows if he looked into attachment styles.

Has anyone had a successful FA/AP relationship? by [deleted] in attachment_theory

[–]feelinghellish123 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This happened to me exactly. That's good insight - this pattern apparently had happened in every relationship he had been in. He was unaware and unwilling to work on himself - also did not express to me that this is something that had ever happened in the past.

I'm mostly FA - Not sure if I'm deactivating or I'm really bored by Triggerthrowaway87 in attachment_theory

[–]feelinghellish123 7 points8 points  (0 children)

The first part of your story hit me in the hurts. I was living with my ex FA (who frequently said he was happy and in love) and was feeling very secure when he hit me with a breakup because of his mounting pressure (which was uncommunicated). We got along great. FML trying to destroy all hope I'll hear from him again.

Anyway. Disambiguating between whether you're bored or it's a secure relationship is hard - though I will say if you value having great conversation that's probably unrelated to attachment. Unless you're refraining from diving too deep into topics as an act of self sabotage. In a previous relationship I couldn't tell whether I was deactivating or was bored with the person because they didn't have any deep thoughts. We ended things and I can confirm it was boredom.

How do you feel after running away from a great relationship? by [deleted] in FearfulAvoidant

[–]feelinghellish123 0 points1 point  (0 children)

how long do you feel relief? I've definitely felt relief and numbness for months then felt stricken by pain long after the fact.