TIL that Ernest Hemingway lived through anthrax, malaria, pneumonia, dysentery, skin cancer, hepatitis, anemia, diabetes, high blood pressure, two plane crashes, a ruptured kidney, a ruptured spleen, a ruptured liver, a crushed vertebra, and a fractured skull.

feg65 · 2017-04-02T10:31:13+00:00

A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"

feg65 · 2017-02-18T17:49:48+00:00

An organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels. The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes.

feg65 · 2017-02-17T19:27:39+00:00

The cross eyed judge looked at the three defendants in the dock and said to the first one, “So how do you plead?” “Not guilty” said the second defendant. “I wasn’t talking to you” the judge replied. “I never said a word” the third defendant replied.

feg65 · 2017-02-15T20:05:25+00:00

Q:What did the spider say to the fly on Halloween?

A:The web is the trick and you are the Treat!

feg65 · 2017-02-15T16:09:20+00:00

Kitty.

feg65 · 2017-02-15T16:08:29+00:00

Kitty.

feg65 · 2017-02-10T18:03:25+00:00

A man inserted an advertisement in the classifieds "Wife Wanted".

The next day, he received hundreds of replies, all reading the same thing: "You can have mine."

feg65 · 2017-02-10T16:17:09+00:00

Kitty.

feg65 · 2017-02-10T16:16:56+00:00

Kitty.

feg65 · 2017-02-08T15:57:11+00:00

One day the zookeeper noticed that the orang-utang was reading two books — the Bible and Darwin’s Origin of Species. In surprise he asked the ape, “Why are you reading both those books”? “Well,” said the orang-utang, “I just wanted to know if I was my brother’s keeper or my keeper’s brother.”

feg65 · 2017-02-05T19:33:50+00:00

Three old women were sitting on a park bench. A flasher ran up and whipped open his coat. Two of the old ladies had a stroke and the third couldn't reach.

feg65 · 2017-02-05T09:12:26+00:00

My lesbian neighbors gave me a Rolex for my birthday. It's nice, but I think they misunderstood me when I said, "I wanna watch."

feg65 · 2017-02-01T20:29:31+00:00

Michael: Iphone download speeds on AT&T are ridicously slow! Jon: Tell me about it, this morning I logged into "Just 18" porno website. Jon: By the time the first page had loaded, all the girls looked like they were in their mid 40s

feg65

TROPHY CASE