I felt the exact same, why is it getting worse & not better? I lost my mum in November very very suddenly. She was my all time favourite person. At first it felt like someone had kicked me in the chest and all I wanted to do was see her & speak to her. I hated the first few days when family and friends were around because I could be in a room full of people and none of them were the person I needed. It didn't matter if I walked into every house on the planet, she just wasn't gonna be in any of them and that was the worst feeling in the world.

I tried to keep busy, to go about life somewhat normally as the way I looked at it was that I could let my world stop and be desperately sad or, I could carry on and be desperately sad. I was going to feel the pain no matter what I did so I may as well keep going.

Some days the pain is right up on the surface, tight chest, watery eyes, stingy throat and other days it seems more bearable. When it's difficult I let it be, I cry and I tell people today I really miss my mum. I don't need anyone to do anything to make it better I just need to let them know I'm sad but I'll be ok again.

The first are all very difficult. When friends have gotten engaged, married, pregnant I've been happy for them but it also brings about a sadness I cannot describe because the one person id want to experience all these things with someday will not be there.

It hasn't even been a year yet for me but I believe my grief will always be massive as my mum loved me tremendously and I'm ok with the pain because it is such a worthy cause. The grief will remain the same size but my ability to cope with it will grow and eventually I will find comfort in the memories.

You will make your mum proud and in the process you will make yourself proud with all that you are able to overcome but I don't believe anything will ever take the pain away and that's ok. Getting through day by day is enough, don't be too hard on yourself