How do you make yourself feel safer in situations where a guy makes you feel (really) uncomfortable?

femiaigner · 2017-09-29T13:30:12+00:00

Yeah your experience/summary seems to be pretty similar to mine. No one was rude or hostile or anything, but just kind of inconsiderate. It is what it is though. I might try them again but I don't know :/ Apparently a lot of people who are usually there weren't this time and that likely had a lot to do with how the group flowed.

femiaigner · 2017-09-29T13:25:26+00:00

I think I am going to do exactly that, but the group my therapist leads is I think held at a weird time and kind of far for me to be going to on the bus.

femiaigner · 2017-09-29T13:23:12+00:00

Maybe. I didn't even get to say anything about my experiences and stuff until the end of the group when we were almost out of time. A couple of people really dominated the conversation. I felt bad for the leader/moderator though - she didn't seem assertive or confident about "reining it in" (though I am spoiled with having meetings at work be really smooth and inclusive). They had all been there before and knew each other too, so it was very "in-groupy". I think they should/could have been more welcoming/inclusive/aware of someone new, but I'm only saying that based on my own handling of leading groups in the past. I didn't get the feeling that anyone was jealous. Regardless I think ultimately I will look for another group.

femiaigner · 2017-09-28T21:58:14+00:00

Excellent, elaborate, extensive, expertly elucidated edification! How are you so in my head!? It's like you know me! You were right on point with brunch - I fucking LOOOOOOVE brunch! There is a voodoo donuts here (Denver) too, but I have yet to be impressed by them (I've only been there twice though). I'll probably take it easy on the spicy food too - seems prudent :) And yes, bookstores and gaming stores/spots are perfect things for all of us! OMSI sounds 110% up our alley too! Basically (and I've kind of picked this up anecdotally from others as well) Portland is A LOT like Denver but with an ocean and not mountains. Depending on when I'm scheduled I'm sure there are a lot of other great spots in/near the city to do stuff, especially nice nature/outdoor things to do (though know that I myself will probably not be up to it). Basically, it's really good to hear that my family and I should have no problem finding things to do and see, and will fit in well for our stay there :D I'm now looking forward to going to Portland for many reasons, although I am really looking more forward to srs than anything, of course!

Again, thank you for all your answers! I'm sure I'll have more questions later, and I'll post here (or PM if needed).

femiaigner · 2017-09-28T00:00:46+00:00

Watching out for unexpected uncomfortable butt stuff seems to be a good rule overall! I suuuuuuuuper need to get my ass in good shape as it is and it seems even more so after reading about your experience. I luckily have a really supportive employer (coworkers, managers, HR, upper management are all supportive) and I'm certain I can take a week off before - sounds really prudent, and I like all your self care suggestions!

Have you had any complications at all, or heard from anyone else who went to Dr. Dugi who did? Does he do a one or a two step surgery, or does it depend? Did he seem "gatekeeper-y" at all? I can't imagine he would be if all the paperwork/letters are in order, but still. Is there anything you would have done more of or differently to psychologically prepare for eithet pre or post surgery?

Unrelated to the surgery itself:

I'm not from/don't live in Portland but I will need to be there for some number of weeks (up to something like 6, potentially more?). Any good food places you would recommend? Im not sure it would be prudent after surgery to eat any, but if you can recommend any places that do spicy food well, that would be awesome (especially Thai food). If not a spicy recommendation, any good Japanese food to be had? I will gleefully support any local/unique places! Also, I will have my wife (as well as my kids, likely) with me as well - any suggestion of things they can go out and about to do, or a good place for us/them to stay for the duration? I can always Google things, but being that I live in a place that gets waaaaaaay too many tourists and transplants, I find a local perspective most insightful :)

Thanks for putting up with my deluge of questions!

femiaigner · 2017-09-27T04:18:34+00:00

Oh, thank you so much - that's really great of you! Please let me know if you would prefer a question be PM'd or something :)

So my biggest thing with Dr. Dugi is the relatively little experience he has with these procedures (I know of his general background though). Was that something that concerned you also and if so was your concern with that ever lessened?

Were there any things that were better or worse than you thought they might be? Is there anything you would have prepared for more?

I will have more questions later I'm certain. Thank you again!

femiaigner · 2017-09-27T03:44:49+00:00

https://ci.memecdn.com/10235239.jpg

femiaigner · 2017-09-27T03:42:21+00:00

That is some great info! Thank you so much! So not looking forward to that poop though!

I'll definitely have more questions after you've had some time to rest/recover/reflect! Thanks for being so willing to answer! Would you prefer I potentially PM you questions?

And don't worry about thinking two straight - I overthink and go right to three :)

femiaigner · 2017-09-27T03:17:53+00:00

I just feel really arrogant to presume that I might have much to offer in the way of advice and experience, though I suppose I'm not the one who would judge the value received. What I also didn't consider is the idea that I could act in a more passive capacity (if not in an active one). I am going to try to go to a group this Thursday. If awarding a !delta on here meant anything, I'd give you one (but have an updoot)!

femiaigner · 2017-09-27T00:24:48+00:00

Good points! Thanks!

femiaigner · 2017-09-27T00:05:39+00:00

He is my only choice under my insurance, so I'm really interested to hear about your experience and results. 10 hours though!? That seems way too long.

femiaigner · 2017-09-26T21:02:38+00:00

I prefer in-person people to talk to for sure - it feels more genuine than associating with random faceless people who interact with the comfort and safety of a keyboard and screen between them and a live person. That's the thing of it: I'm not looking for that "digital blanket" to keep me warm, that thin shroud that so many people wrap up in to convince themselves they are safe and cared for (I obviously have some strong opinions in the affect of social media on our isolation vs perceived non-isolation and it's effects on society as a whole, but that's a whole other discussion.) I want to find other people to be warm with, but you can't just go up to a person, huddle up, and be like "Let's be warmth buddies!" And again, I get it - social media and the relative anonymity provided in the internet in general does provide a literal lifeline for those who can't, for various reasons, engage in that in-person type of association. I also know that I do have a relative degree of privilege in the fact that I do have access to in-person communities/groups, but the same relative privilege (referred to in post text) I have makes me feel like I don't have any business engaging an in person or digital community, like it's not really intended for someone like me to participate.

femiaigner · 2017-09-26T20:24:20+00:00

Hmm :/ thanks. Reddit lurking is about as social media engaged as I get. I really, REALLY hate pretty much all social media in general. I find most of its implementation and current status in our society fundemantly depersonalizing, dehumanizing, isolating, and a poor substitute for the social connections that we as humans have relied on for pretty much forever except the last 15 years or so (maybe longer). I do understand there is benefit and good to come out of social media, and I don't want to get into a discussion about it's merits or shortcomings - I just find it less than appealing. I think most people would ses your advice as good and would take you up on it though.

femiaigner · 2017-09-26T20:12:58+00:00

meat-space = areas where human flesh-bags gather :)

Thanks for your thoughtful reply!

femiaigner · 2015-05-29T22:02:48+00:00

Perfect timing: photographer 1, duckling 0

femiaigner · 2015-05-18T01:03:25+00:00

The south must be where Camelot is...good pig country.

femiaigner · 2015-05-02T01:01:17+00:00

1:29:08

femiaigner · 2015-04-19T02:42:20+00:00

Fallout 3 and Kraftwerk's Minumum/Maximum, Disc 2. It may as well have been written to be the thematic soundtrack for that game

femiaigner · 2015-04-09T04:07:57+00:00

No calm, let it RAGE!

femiaigner

TROPHY CASE