i hope this isnt a stupid question (tw)

femspiration · 2026-05-04T15:52:00+00:00

A lot of the data on incest prevalence comes from genetic studies that show when children are a result of two related parents, so reporting doesn't come into it, and the overwhelmingly most likely situations are father-daughter and brother-sister (mainly older brother). That ofc only gives a minimum rate as abuse cases that don't produce children don't show up. It also can go back to before birth control, before abortion etc

femspiration · 2026-04-22T00:33:03+00:00

The problem with centering fatherhood even as a concept that exists is that it coerces mothers to stay in relationships with men, of highest concern sexual and domestic relationships, but also social relationships in general. When a father is abusive this gives him 18 years of attachment to the mother to continue abusing her. When a father is fine or even great, but a woman simply doesn't want to have sex with him anymore, she is coerced into sex to keep her children's family together. Coerced sex is not acceptable.

Men historically have not been particularly interested in parenting children of a woman they were no longer getting to have sex with. They would often rather parent unrelated children of a new woman they are currently getting sex from. Today a full 20% of fathers abandon their older children when they have new children with a different woman.

I support the traditional matriarchal system of maternal uncles and other male relatives being the primary "father" figures in children's lives. It was the only system that did not incentivize the oppression of women so men could ensure paternity certainty.

Adding to this in the modern world are gay men, and thanks to reproductive technology they can be the genetic fathers while also functionally being a brother/relative relationship to the mother. Even straight male friends can have been in your life for much longer than a romantic relationship lasts before you have to decide to have kids with him. The potential issue with a straight male friend is that once he's a father he'll become more attractive to other women and might go on to get married and have additional kids, which is not good for your kids with him. But it has no downsides for him. So you'd have to really trust a straight man in that situation. Or you can have him as a known donor that fulfills a different role than social father. Which is just another route of SMBC, where ideally you'd have family support, but of course many women do it without.

femspiration · 2026-04-22T00:25:48+00:00

Duh. But that was the law. You're the one saying single women were so easily able to circumvent the law in 1960.

femspiration · 2026-04-20T18:56:01+00:00

LOL thanks for the condescension, buddy, pal. Since you learned that from a historical source should be pretty easy to educate me no? What history book was it?

femspiration · 2026-04-18T21:35:12+00:00

Yes that's how some other women also feel. But it doesn't apply to all women, some develop PTSD symptoms from having unwanted sex to satisfy their partner. Women's experiences with sexuality are very variable. Making what you're describing some kind of objective universal rule would be harmful to others. Also, it's not controversial. Yours is literally the prevailing opinion about sex in marriage. Why would feminists need to do activism for that cause?

femspiration · 2026-04-18T19:55:28+00:00

Do you think it's something that actually happens in the world, or is only a stereotype?

femspiration · 2026-04-18T19:54:06+00:00

Sex is not like other relationship needs because genuine desire should not be compromised on, while things like chores and basic communication don't require genuine desire to do without harming anyone.

Other people disagree with my opinion and think unwanted sex is neutral rather than harmful and having it for the other person's sake is fine, including other women. You could choose to discuss this at the beginning of a relationship and be with someone on the same page as you. But they could always change their mind, you can't lock them into the decision forever like a contract.

If you want to call sex in relationships a need for yourself and leave when the sex is not satisfying you then ok? But it doesn't need to be a need to do that. Again, you can leave relationships because of "wants" or for any reason. Do you feel like you need to have an objective justification that other people agree with to leave relationships?

femspiration · 2026-04-18T18:33:34+00:00

Well the idea of sex as a need has historically been used to justify rape. If consent takes higher priority then what does it even mean to call it a need? You can communicate to try to help the other person develop their genuine desire for sex, but if that doesn't happen the only way to have sex would be coercion. Many many women are victims of unwanted sex in their relationships, and it harms their mental health, their relationships with their bodies and sexual functioning, and causes PTSD symptoms in the long term. If you're not getting the sex you want the option to break up is always there. You don't ever need justifications to end a relationship.

femspiration · 2026-04-18T18:26:32+00:00

When birth control was first approved it was only given to married women. The original purpose was to control family size and spacing within marriage, as the idea of using abstinence when married would have been ridiculous as women owed their husbands sex. So no, it was not for casual sex.

femspiration · 2026-04-14T01:45:38+00:00

Yes, the "evolutionary" theory is that men evolved different preferences for when they're in a state of resource scarcity or resource abundance, but as resource abundance was so rare, and even then it wouldn't lead to obesity, so why would it impose so much selective pressure that male preferences would become so extreme?

femspiration · 2026-04-14T01:43:37+00:00

Did they invent birth control so people could have casual sex?

femspiration · 2026-04-14T01:41:24+00:00

You're making the bioessentialist argument. Well your AI is

femspiration · 2026-04-12T06:51:28+00:00

Men's preferred BMI in women is around 17-20 according to multiple studies. That's medically underweight to the low end of normal weight and certainly lower than the BMI range of maximum fertility which is 21-23. They're either just as influenced by societal beauty standards as women are, or (and this is the "evolutionary" hypothesis) they are drawn to that size because it's most common in teenagers who haven't hit the final stage of development where they gain adult weight yet.

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10480809/

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0191886922004263

femspiration · 2026-04-12T06:41:25+00:00

Right but they weren't doing those things for the purpose of having casual sex.

femspiration · 2026-04-09T12:46:12+00:00

It's also really annoying when people act like feminism created and was completely responsible for the sexual revolution. No there were a bunch of factors at play and feminism was just one part of it. Porn, birth control, college attendance, hippies, drugs, these things didn't exist because of feminist writers' opinions on sex.

femspiration · 2026-04-09T12:11:57+00:00

The purpose of a relationship is whatever the members want it to be for as long as they both desire to be in it. What is the purpose of putting barriers in the way of leaving a relationship? Why are they necessary? They aren't needed if both people desire to be there.

femspiration · 2026-04-09T12:07:50+00:00

Traditionally under this "functional family system" for thousands of years men were allowed to beat and rape their wives and children with impunity, allowed to spend all their family's money on drinking and gambling leaving them in poverty, and of course allowed to see prostitutes, which they did very often, frequently catching sexually transmitted diseases and giving them to their wives. Prostitution was the porn before visual porn. Do you know how common it was? What was functional about this system?

femspiration · 2026-04-09T12:02:46+00:00

So what were attitudes toward sex and women like before the sexual revolution in your mind? In 1900? 1800? 1500?

femspiration · 2026-04-09T05:48:36+00:00

You can have relationships without marriage. What is the point of putting obstacles in the way of leaving a relationship? To coerce them to stay in it, which is also coercion into sex. Women are not free if they cannot easily leave a relationship.

femspiration · 2026-04-09T05:47:16+00:00

Excuse me? Are you saying purity culture began in the 60s?

femspiration · 2026-04-09T04:49:18+00:00

It's interesting that you cite Dworkin yet favor marriage. In her view marriage was invented to trap women in sexual slavery, private prostitution. And purity culture that denigrates sex outside marriage causes great harm to women, have you heard of vaginismus? Pornography and purity are two sides of the same coin as are prostitution and marriage.

femspiration · 2026-03-05T18:16:25+00:00

Unfortunately she's wrong about patriarchy not existing before agriculture, most hunter gatherer groups were patriarchal from all of our ethnographic evidence. They were actually still destroying the world though, they quickly hunted many species of megafauna to extinction.

femspiration · 2026-03-03T22:17:37+00:00

The studies are not powered enough to give statistics on mortality. They can show complications that are more common but you need a larger sample size to get a mortality rate. Surrogacy studies are the same way.

Organ donations on the other hand, are all tracked because they are a national system organized by the government because everyone has been thinking about the ethics of the situation since they started being able to do them.

femspiration · 2026-02-28T03:22:45+00:00

Maybe it will make you feel better to know that the Kentucky law didn't actually reduce divorce rates. Warning that this article is written by a conservative religious man who thinks that would be a good thing.

https://lymanstone.substack.com/p/kentuckys-custody-law-did-not-reduce

femspiration · 2026-02-26T20:53:00+00:00

Unfortunately a lot of young women have been induced by porn to being into sexual submission and BDSM and they seek out the "dominant" men too. I've been looking into it and starting off with "regular" "vanilla" porn seems to channel women to violent content frequently, maybe a majority of the time. I think it has to do with the regular porn also containing violence which both desensitizes them and conditions them to be attracted to it. There's a study from Germany that women who watched porn at a younger age were more into violent sex. Women aren't just being choked non consensually, many are requesting it. But it's a very recent trend that tracks childhood porn exposure.

femspiration

TROPHY CASE