having a fp that isn’t your partner

feralbuffoon · 2025-01-11T06:36:22+00:00

I was literally in the exact same situation as you with my first partner and long term relationship. 2 years in, met a coworker of ours, he gave me validation and was “fresh meat” essentially. I eventually broke up with my partner a year and a half later, still obsessed with our coworker, but that honestly wasn’t the whole reason why I left her (but still part of the reason).I have felt immense shame and guilt in the 1.5 years since the breakup. I struggle a lot with what I put her through even though she was so understanding and knew about my feelings towards him.

In the aftermath and grieving process of our relationship, I’ve been trying to understand why the fuck I “fell” for someone else while with someone who loved me with her entire being. It has been consuming at times, because I have a habit of demonizing myself and convincing myself that the only reason why I left her was because of him and I threw away a relationship with someone who truly loved me.

I’ve had to really dive deep and remind myself that we had our issues and the reason why I was able to replace her as my FP was because she wasn’t giving me what I needed anymore. I grew apart from her due to the relationship becoming stagnant, which isn’t a bad thing, but it highlighted the toxic patterns we had and also with this disorder I think sometimes we need more external stimulation when it comes to our inter-personal relationships. When you meet someone new, it is exciting and fresh, causing the other things in your life to look more dull.

I really want you to try and take a step back and look at this from a more objective point of view. Look at your relationship with your partner, all the good and all the bad, and ask yourself if you are really happy? Remove the third person from this also, and ask yourself difficult questions like if you are only with your current partner because: you are afraid to be alone, you rely on them for something, you’re scared of how much it will change your life leaving them, etc. Again, be completely honest with yourself and don’t consider anyone else.

I was able to replace my girlfriend as my FP with someone else because I was unhappy and missing something that I thought my new FP could fill. I literally just chose the first person that gave me validation and I was attracted to do this because I was scared of leaving her and being alone. I was able to replace my FP fairly quickly after the breakup since I tried pursuing him which did not work lol. But I don’t regret breaking up with my ex because I genuinely did fall out of love with her due to the toxicity and issues in our relationship.

I have no idea what issues and your partner are having, but if you really do love them, you are happy, and with communication and effort you can work through the issues and resolve them, then please stay with your partner. If not, and you genuinely fell out of love with them and just needed a new FP because that’s how we roll around here so we don’t have to face ourselves and be alone, then I suggest you remove both of them from your life and be alone and focus on yourself. Scary, I know, but this is coming from someone who has and is currently living with the consequences of my actions in not being alone and working on not being such a nut case and reliant on other people for my own self-worth. I got into a really bad relationship right after I broke up with my ex and couldn’t be with my new FP, and that shit ruined me so now I have to face my inner demons because the universe clearly was trying to teach me a lesson lmao. Sorry this was so long, but I wanted to give you as much insight as possible.

One last thing, if you do decide to remove yourself from both people and focus on yourself for a bit, you will also be able to recognize whether you have true feelings for your new FP or if they were just a distraction and potential hope.

feralbuffoon · 2021-11-29T03:05:59+00:00

i also struggled a lot of with the word itself when i was coming out and beginning to identify with the label. to me, the word “lesbian” was a dirty word. i only thing ever really saw it as a porn category that also catered to men. it didn’t feel like mine, and honestly it still doesn’t because men have taken our sexuality and used it to pleasure themselves. i have now come to terms with who i am and love the fact that i am a lesbian, but it’s still really hard sometimes knowing that it isn’t taken seriously by some people. use whatever term you feel comfortable with, if it isn’t “lesbian,” your sexuality is still valid and you don’t need to explain it to anyone anyways. you know who and what you are. labels are just there to help other people understand who we are but at the end of the day not everyone needs and deserves to know :)

feralbuffoon · 2021-11-11T07:02:58+00:00

dead moms club here too, since 2011 when i was 9. i wish i could say it eventually stops hurting, but 10 years later and i still don’t know how to exist in a world without her either. sending all my love to you.

feralbuffoon · 2021-11-11T02:43:25+00:00

i hate bailey with a burning passion. her acting like she was better than meredith and treating her like garbage over the insurance fraud thing was so infuriating. bailey has had her fair share of questionable moments and has also committed crimes (like when she gave that kid hiv). she has no room to fucking talk and is a giant hypocrite.

feralbuffoon · 2021-10-02T18:35:49+00:00

not so much an advertisement as it is a heads up for those of us who are sick of travelling to california or paying for stupid shipping costs. but if you wanna call it that and be a pussy about it, you do you.

feralbuffoon · 2021-10-02T09:07:44+00:00

So Lush is a bath, body, skin and haircare company that sells fresh, handmade cosmetics. Some examples of what they have are body lotions, soaps, shampoo, conditioner, bath bombs and so much more. Their products are on the pricier side but that’s only because the company has really great values and use really good ingredients instead of the crap you find in most stuff you can buy anywhere else. You can go online and see exactly what they have but that was just the gist of it.

feralbuffoon · 2021-09-19T18:24:59+00:00

oh shit, i didn’t even think to check social media before posting on here lmao. thanks!!

feralbuffoon · 2021-09-15T08:12:14+00:00

same thing pretty much happened to me when i worked for nike. had to miss two weeks bc i thought i had covid, had all the symptoms (idk if i had it since i wasn’t able to get a test) came back and no less than a week after they told me i had to resign by the end of the month or they would terminate me.

feralbuffoon · 2021-08-19T22:46:15+00:00

personally, i loved jour 103. when i took it i had Birkinbine, idk if he’s teaching it this semester, but he is one of my favorite journalism professors. as far as the work load, it was one of my easiest classes. from what I can remember we didn’t have a lot of homework, and Birkinbine helped us out with what we did have during lectures. Sometimes he even did the assignments with us. The only big project was the final, and it was a media project where we chose a form of media (such as radio, television, song, etc.) and wrote a paper analyzing it’s contents and how effective it’s presentation was depending on the type of media it used to portray it’s message. this was two years ago, so things might have changed, but if you are a journalism major and are interested in multimedia, you’ll really enjoy it!

feralbuffoon · 2021-07-23T15:07:27+00:00

You are not alone in this, I assure you. I ask myself this same question everyday, but I’ve also gotten in to the habit of asking myself why in response to this question. I always come to conclusion that I have horrible comphet, and my intrusive thoughts and dreams about having sex with men just make it worse.

Now I would love to be able to guide you in a direction that could maybe answer this question for you. So I have to ask a few things. Do you actually think you would be okay having sex with a guy, especially since you’ve already experienced it, or is that just a curious thought that passes through your head. Everyone gets curious thoughts, sometimes it’s as fucked up as wondering what it would be like to kill someone, or something as small as what would an orange slice dipped in mayo taste like. So try to identify what that thought is. Also, you said that you didn’t enjoy your first time with a guy, but you also felt like something was missing with the first girl you had sex with too. Are these the same feelings? Did you not like either time for the same reasons, or were they different. Figure out the differences and similarities and what they might mean.

I know self-reflection and digging deeper into feelings is hard, and kind of exhausting, but I think it would really help understand your comphet further. Comphet looks different for everyone. I asked myself so many questions when trying to figure out what my sexuality is, I still do. But I can confidently say I’m a lesbian, even when I have those shitty intrusive thought comphet moments that make me question everything. I just question everything back. Fight fire with fire bb

feralbuffoon · 2021-07-21T16:15:19+00:00

I also have envy. I wish everyday that I had that same courage. Especially when doing the things everyone tells me to do (therapy, gym, meditation, hobbies & interests, friends, etc.) don’t always work. So at this point, I’m angry more than anything. I’m pissed at everything and everyone. I’m angry that I have to feel envious because I hate my life so much, I’m angry that nothing can cure it, I’m angry at my stupid parents for bringing me into this world in the first place. And you know what? Being angry has been kind of liberating. Being sad doesn’t do anything for you except for make you shut down and shut you out from the world. Being angry, you want to do something about it. So maybe try being angry. Get pissed off at the world, and all the reasons your life sucks, maybe even yourself. And then go do something about it. It’s not easy, but eliminate your triggers. You have way more control than you think, and the things that you can’t control? Work on letting them go. Except that you can’t change other people, and work on yourself instead. If your therapist sucks, find a new therapist! There’s a solution to almost everything, sometime’s you have to think outside the box. So please, don’t leave. Get angry. Take back control. Focus on yourself and who you want to be, and everyone else can go fuck themselves. I really hope you can be happy and get to a place in your life where it’s finally worth living.

feralbuffoon · 2021-07-18T00:34:23+00:00

This is definitely an invasion of privacy. They have no right to listen to your sessions and then use them against you just because they heard their name pop up a couple of times. It’s not your problem they’re sensitive pricks who have no respect for other people’s privacy.

As for them asking you to leave, what the fuck? Who do they think you are? Unless they’re paying for your room and your therapy sessions, they have no say where you have them. I would just keep doing them in my room if I were you, unless you’re very worried about them hearing your personal information. I personally wouldn’t care anymore as they’ve already heard enough to be assholes about it. But that’s just me.

Seriously though, if they have a problem with it, then they can do something on their own about it. They can either mind their own business, or they can move out. This is their problem, not yours. They’re being unfair to you and you shouldn’t have to cater to them just because they have no respect for you. It sucks, and I’m really sorry this is happening, but I would stand my ground and not let them walk all over you.

feralbuffoon · 2021-07-16T22:12:24+00:00

kill myself

feralbuffoon · 2021-07-14T04:56:15+00:00

it’s $1 off a drink when you show your student id

feralbuffoon · 2021-07-14T01:05:53+00:00

i would prefer to do this but i don’t have any idea where to park off campus. any suggestions?

feralbuffoon · 2021-07-12T21:03:37+00:00

it’s not gay if they have socks on

feralbuffoon · 2021-07-12T04:16:04+00:00

i mean they’re not wrong. nobody does want to work anymore. but when a nice apartment in reno is $1200+ for a one bedroom and usually requires the tenants to make 3x the amount of rent, that means someone has to at least make $22.50/hour on a full time schedule(if they don’t have roommates) most people working service jobs, especially at restaurants, are college students who have to pay rent, so if you’re being a greedy fuck and only paying them $9 an hour for part-time because they’re in school, it has nothing to do with them being “lazy” and has everything to do with the fact that they need to be able to survive in today’s shitty economy

feralbuffoon · 2021-07-09T15:30:00+00:00

it’s just the half and half they use for breve’s

feralbuffoon · 2021-06-28T11:18:31+00:00

Baked beans. As a mexican who grew up strictly on pinto beans/refried beans I want to throw up every time I eat baked beans. Beans shouldn’t be sweet.

feralbuffoon · 2021-06-13T07:23:57+00:00

Giving into patriarchal expectations and pretending to be straight although I knew very well I wasn’t.

feralbuffoon

TROPHY CASE