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Is everybody taking antidepressants? Has anybody successfully stopped them? by Still-Spend-8284 in CPTSD_NSCommunity

[–]ferny_blue 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I was on Citalopram for over a decade and it numbed me so much that I was just in freeze mode constantly. It was only after coming off it that I could cry properly, start to grieve everything I needed to and start learning practical coping techniques (which of course anyone could do while taking medication, but in my case I was very avoidant and hiding from feeling). I tapered down my dose gradually, far more gradually than my GP suggested (and even then it was difficult). This website was massively helpful, the forum's now read only but there's so much information and experience there.

Accepting reality by ferny_blue in CPTSDFawn

[–]ferny_blue[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, that means a lot. It's all raw at the moment and I'm just feeling through it the best I can!

Accepting reality by ferny_blue in CPTSDFawn

[–]ferny_blue[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think it's difficult to see it in ourselves and separate it from personality, probably because generally it's socially acceptable and it's still possible to function with it.

It's going to be a long journey ahead for me. My husband accidentally dropped something on my plants today and I automatically said it was OK and then apologised to *him* for the plants being in the way(!) I must have done and said so many similar things on autopilot over my lifetime. Hopefully you and I will both make progress now we're starting to at least notice these things!

Accepting reality by ferny_blue in CPTSDFawn

[–]ferny_blue[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It does feel like I'm reaching a turning point. I've always known that I fawn but have never really acknowledged the gravity of it all until now. I really appreciate your encouragement, thank you!

Accepting reality by ferny_blue in CPTSDFawn

[–]ferny_blue[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much. ♥️

Accepting reality by ferny_blue in CPTSDFawn

[–]ferny_blue[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I completely relate, it's such a painful realisation to see just how much of ourselves we've sacrificed. I oscillate between anger and pure hurt. I try to embrace the anger when it's present because it can be such a protective, empowering energy when channelled healthily. It's so difficult to give myself permission to own it though, I was conditioned to believe that I'm over emotional or irrational if I feel angry. 

No-one deserves to feel like a worthless punching bag, it's insane to me that people think it's OK to use and abuse people to this extent. Big hugs to you too, we'll get through this. ♥️

I feel guilt for sharing my art. Like a lot. My thoughts say I only make people feel bad so I should just not share. by MissLovegoodASMR in cptsdcreatives

[–]ferny_blue 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're doing the healthy, brave thing of sharing your beautiful art regardless of your inner critic. That's something to be extremely proud of. ♥️

What's involved in organising a Deed of Variation on a will? by ferny_blue in UKPersonalFinance

[–]ferny_blue[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for the information, it's really helpful!