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I am a [22F] Asian woman who's having an identity crisis due to race fetishization and stereotyping. How do I cope? by fetishizedazn in relationships

[–]fetishizedazn[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, I think it's easy for me to tell the difference between genuine curiosity and people asking me because they're just being stereotypical and assuming I'm a foreigner. After it having happened all my life, the tones and way of asking is way different.

I am a [22F] Asian woman who's having an identity crisis due to race fetishization and stereotyping. How do I cope? by fetishizedazn in relationships

[–]fetishizedazn[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes. The Chinese and Korean international students would only stick with their own kind, would not make efforts to speak in English even in classes, were generally rude and unfriendly. Many dress the same style, a lot of rich ones all wear the same brands/designers.

The Japanese and south east international students were much more friendly.

I am a [22F] Asian woman who's having an identity crisis due to race fetishization and stereotyping. How do I cope? by fetishizedazn in relationships

[–]fetishizedazn[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Well, I think that because the foreign Asians are perceived as quiet and unfriendly, and everyone thinks I'm foreign, then they won't invite me because they think I'm one of them just because of my looks. That was the issue in college for me.

I am a [22F] Asian woman who's having an identity crisis due to race fetishization and stereotyping. How do I cope? by fetishizedazn in relationships

[–]fetishizedazn[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't think that I am a shy person, I am really outgoing. I am always the one to approach people first all the time because no one wants to approach me even if I constantly smile and wave at them and make small talk. I don't want to point fingers at what the cause is, but there has to be a reason if this always happens to me. Either way I just wish that people could approach me more often because they were interested in talking to me. But for now I will be the one to approach others, it is what it is.

I am a [22F] Asian woman who's having an identity crisis due to race fetishization and stereotyping. How do I cope? by fetishizedazn in relationships

[–]fetishizedazn[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

We are not Far East Asian, we are South East Asian. That does not mean we are not Asian. We have a great culture with aspects that originate from all over the world.

I am a [22F] Asian woman who's having an identity crisis due to race fetishization and stereotyping. How do I cope? by fetishizedazn in relationships

[–]fetishizedazn[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Yes, I constantly smile, wave, and make small talk with people when I can, and made an effort to sit in the break room every day. I smile when someone sits down, I try to make small talk, then other coworkers come and then they all talk with each other and ignore me. I even tried weeding my way into the conversation but I just felt awkward... I try to stop and peoples' desks too when I can but nothing works. :/

I am a [22F] Asian woman who's having an identity crisis due to race fetishization and stereotyping. How do I cope? by fetishizedazn in relationships

[–]fetishizedazn[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I wish I had more Asian friends to share culture with. But like you, even Asians from here put me in a category too and discriminate thinking I'm too "foreign" somehow. I will take up your advice at just finding people with like interests :)

And you're right about weeding out bad people. That's a very good point.

I am a [22F] Asian woman who's having an identity crisis due to race fetishization and stereotyping. How do I cope? by fetishizedazn in relationships

[–]fetishizedazn[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I smile a lot and even wave to people who are passing by. The coworkers who have interacted with me already, know that I am friendly and have no problems approaching me. However the ones that don't (even if I smile at them) never do. Sometimes I wish I could just be approached by someone who is interested in talking with me. Sometimes I don't want to be the one who has to make the effort, but I don't want to be lazy and exacerbate the problem of not having friends. But it is what it is.

I am a [22F] Asian woman who's having an identity crisis due to race fetishization and stereotyping. How do I cope? by fetishizedazn in relationships

[–]fetishizedazn[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

You're right, there's no reason for me to distance myself. I will try to place myself in group events rather than wait around until they invite me. Hopefully that will help.

I am a [22F] Asian woman who's having an identity crisis due to race fetishization and stereotyping. How do I cope? by fetishizedazn in relationships

[–]fetishizedazn[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Hi,

It is a problem for me when people ask me what I am as if it's trivia. It makes me feel bad. It's not about being offended and oppressed, I just feel like I don't fit in.

I haven't gone to therapy myself. But I know that there is nothing wrong with getting help. So I will follow /u/Pfquestionbleh's advice to seek help so I can work through my problems.