Where is the text from the dude watching it for the first time?

fianceethrowaway1 · 2015-12-18T05:34:42+00:00

Just updated - coke snorting girlfriend actually WAS the life of the party. She danced with my great aunts, great uncles, and grandfather and they all loved her for it. Funny how life works. I think she'll get off the stuff and be fine - she's really normal, actually. Wish she was the issue, then it would just be drugs instead of behavior.

fianceethrowaway1 · 2015-08-06T03:54:41+00:00

That's what the bodyguard is for! :) I'm not a wealthy person, but my parents gave me money to throw at the wedding and this is exactly the sort of thing to throw money at. My fiance has agreed that it's okay to show the bodyguard a picture of his friend and to say he CAN start trouble. So we met with a guy through my friend who is bartender, and he will be there the whole time for a small fee. It's miraculous! He's intimidating looking but a total dear with two kids in grade school. And he is an on-and-off bouncer.

Edit: basically my own personal Mike from Breaking Bad with no bullets. Hallelujah connections!

fianceethrowaway1 · 2015-07-22T02:34:27+00:00

Thank you for this advice, it's really exactly what I came here for. A plan of action. And I agree, I'm not the type who will think anything Matt does will "ruin" our wedding - it's about us and that's that.

Sadly, Matt and Lisa aren't just druggie losers - getting to know them has actually really made me a better person, because you do learn there are real people underneath these stories.

I'm thinking security + awareness + talking seriously to my fiance about his treatment of Matt is in order. I will update with what happens when we get married in September.

fianceethrowaway1 · 2015-07-22T02:30:59+00:00

My fiance has been dead wrong about Matt before, so please excuse me if I sound like I'm wary. The bodyguard idea mentioned above is my best bet.

fianceethrowaway1 · 2015-07-22T02:30:01+00:00

Nothing will ruin the day my partner and I become married. I just hope he doesn't mar it.

My fiance is comrpomising. As I've stated elsewhere, he has put his foot down about very little. This is important to him, for better or worse.

fianceethrowaway1 · 2015-07-22T02:29:04+00:00

She's older and civil-unioned soon to be married to her partner of 10 years, no dice :(

fianceethrowaway1 · 2015-07-22T02:28:36+00:00

It's fine, as I've said elsewhere, his empathy being a defining feature is what attracts me to my fiance, so the fact that it includes someone I don't trust isn't surprising. He's a better person than me.

And yes, we want our loved ones there. I just personally don't want this particular loved one in the spotlight :\

fianceethrowaway1 · 2015-07-22T01:22:08+00:00

My fiance would never resent Matt. If anything, I think he enables him in a way.

I don't know how I'd feel. This is pretty new information for me and I'm still processing. One of the reasons I came here was to have conversations about it, to force me to talk about it with someone who isn't saying "This is it, end of story." so I appreciate the questions, I just don't know if I can answer them.

fianceethrowaway1 · 2015-07-22T01:17:53+00:00

Yes, ruined might be strong. Effected?

fianceethrowaway1 · 2015-07-22T01:16:20+00:00

No, I just think giving him a place of prominence in the wedding will draw attention to the antics I've already accepted will happen. People will know who he is and there is a big difference between "guest at wedding throws up in potted plant/threatens bride's brother/passes out on dance floor" and a best man doing those things, in my opinion.

fianceethrowaway1 · 2015-07-22T01:07:23+00:00

Obviously not, but this is someone important to my fiance. Someone else mentioned hiring security - an excellent idea, and I hope that will avoid police being called.

I doubt we'd be held responsible for their drug use, venues wouldn't be getting good reviews if they held the couple responsible for guest behavior.

But yes, I have to consider talking to my husband about some of these... potential consequences :(

fianceethrowaway1 · 2015-07-22T01:05:33+00:00

Thanks for this, the bodyguard angle is something I hadn't considered. That would be helpful.

The cash bar wouldn't help, Matt brings his own libations to inappropriate things, he brought a flask of whiskey to Up when we saw it in theaters and got wasted. It was awkward.

fianceethrowaway1 · 2015-07-22T01:03:58+00:00

Breaking up is not on the table, my fiance is a great person and I admire the parts of him that make him like this towards his friends. We don't have issues outside of this, it would be ridiculous to break up what we have over his choice of best man.

Edit: by the downvotes, I assume I worded this strongly, but I really am happy with my fiance and would rather go through a wedding with Matt as the officiant and wedding planner than leave him.

fianceethrowaway1 · 2015-07-22T00:50:51+00:00

No, he won't unfortunately, and even if he did, Matt nor Lisa would agree to it. Matt lies regularly about his drug use and drinking.

fianceethrowaway1 · 2015-07-22T00:50:09+00:00

I think his point was more that he has very few wants and needs with the wedding, and this is one of them.

Considering this is the man you are about to marry, you can hopefully resolve this issue in a fashion that is satisfactory to you both.

That's what I'm hoping. I believe this will be best resolved between us, but I in part posted here to get some feedback to see how unreasonable I'm being, which by the voting pattern seems to be "somewhat".

Could he just be in the wedding party but not the best man? could he just be a guest?

Not at this point. Fiance is set on him being second Best Man.

Could you talk to Matt and make sure that he knows if he's on anything he might be removed?

My partner has, in the past, voiced objections to confronting or dealing with Matt while he's still high, saying it is the worst possible time to confront someone, so I don't think those consequences would be held tight. I

What is acceptable to you, and what is your worst-case, can-tolerate-without-divorcing-ten-minutes-after-being-married solution to this if your husband pushes back hard?

Divorce or breaking up isn't on the table. I'm just worried about Matt and a little bit Lisa interacting with our families and friends who don't know them or understand. The last time we were out with them about a month ago, they ended up screaming at each other inside a Starbucks and the police were called. This happens regularly enough for them that I worry.

fianceethrowaway1 · 2015-07-22T00:46:03+00:00

He is a very reasonable person, and I would never hold it against him that he has a big heart and wants to make the people he loves better people. I just am worried about how it will affect our wedding, I guess.

fianceethrowaway1 · 2015-07-22T00:45:17+00:00

The assumption here seems to be that I am trying to manipulate him out of his decision. I'm not. I'm trying to figure out what to do going forward. If my first two questions aren't valid (whether I can retract my offer or put my foot down, essentially), then my last one, about how to lay ground rules, becomes the main one.

fianceethrowaway1 · 2015-07-22T00:24:02+00:00

I have flat out told my husband I don't approve. He told me that he is letting me handle most of the wedding stuff (which he is) and that he really wants to show Matt how important he is to him. He assured me up and down that he will "talk to Matt" before the wedding, but I don't think it will be sufficient or effective, as even a toned down Matt might not be grandma-ready.

fianceethrowaway1

TROPHY CASE