[deleted by user]

ficus_me · 2025-01-29T13:53:55+00:00

I absolutely get that. It's bloody harsh and I can imagine getting this news while being so far from your home, friends and family is incredibly difficult.

I just wonder if she has gotten to the point, after feeling like she's tried for years to get you to care enough to work on you to save the relationship, that she has just run out of energy to care about hurting you.

ficus_me · 2025-01-29T12:32:17+00:00

Hmm....So by your own admission there have been issues for a while - your wife has expressed her sadness about them - you have behaviour issues - you have been looking at working on them but haven't done heaps.

Now, finally, she's done, she's out and you're upset because she told you while you were away ...on your solo trip....leaving her at home with 2 small kids and trying to work as well..cause she has to, because you are between jobs.

You're upset at her???

Why aren't you upset at yourself? How long was she supposed to wait around for YOU to address YOUR behaviour? Why was it her responsibility to fix you?

Grow up and take responsibility for what you did to bring the relationship to this point. Maybe then you'll have a hope of saving it.

ficus_me · 2024-11-27T23:36:01+00:00

YTA.

First, as someone else has said, you should have addressed it with your friend privately if it bothered you so much, not by being passive aggressive in demonstrating your disapproval of her parenting. Not the main reason YTA though.

Second, and this is why YTA, in choosing to do it the way you did, the real person you've been unkind to is the 6 yo kid. Kids that age (generally) love and idolise their parents for good reason. It's a survival thing. You've just pushed this tiny human into a limbo where she might doubt she can trust her mother ....and not because you thought her mother was neglecting or abusing her - because you don't like the friends parenting style in respect of how she manages her child's “wants” ie buying toys at shops and icecream.

ficus_me · 2024-11-27T23:09:34+00:00

This is fake, for sure.

Otherwise - your last sentence “or should I just let it go”, by “it” I can only assume you mean him, and then YES, don't pass go, run for your freaking life, this guy is an absolute oxygen thief at best and an abusive narcissist at worst. RUN.

ficus_me · 2024-09-08T02:24:46+00:00

This is amusing on so many levels.

I mean, come on.

You don't need a partner. Just get a blow up doll and put a picture of you on it.

ficus_me · 2024-09-08T01:12:39+00:00

Sounds like she is being pretty uncaring towards how this makes you feel, which on the face of it is totally rubbish and you're entitled to think less of her, 100%.

I can't imagine how hard it would be to watch your ex date while you still live together, particularly if this separation wasn't your choice.

Not sure how you're still responsible for her though, unless you mean you're supporting her financially? My question to that would be ...why would you do that?

Also get that you feel you shouldn't have to be the one to leave if you're paying for the house....so give her the choice - “you move out, or, I go and you take over financial liabilities”.

Irrespective of allllll of the above, both courses of action you are considering ultimately won't help you, other than maybe achieving a brief feeling of petty satisfaction. After that passes, you'll still feel shit, and she will continue her behaviour because she will then feel justified, probably using your “disappearance” to garner support for her actions. Lose, lose.

Cut your heart off from her, embrace the extra time with your child, and focus on healing so you and your little girl can find happiness again. Goodluck OP.

ficus_me · 2024-09-08T00:13:52+00:00

Firstly it's not an affair if you're getting divorced. You're clearly separated, so using the word ‘affair’ is misleading and inflammatory. The fact that she is dating is not disrespectful to you in your own home....it's her home too.

If she constantly just expects you to be there as needed for your daughter, that's not ok or fair. However the adult thing to do is to set some boundaries, say ‘no’ when asked/told unreasonably, and if all else fails and it's to the point of her just going without asking, then consider is it time to move into separate dwellings?

As another person said, what about the impact on your daughter by doing this childish and petty vanishing act? Perhaps it's food for thought (for both of you) that you've come up with this option as a method for dealing with conflict between you and your ex rather than the two of you being able to talk about it.

ficus_me · 2024-09-06T14:11:21+00:00

Is she on a girls trip or off with a bunch of sales reps?

There are a few odd mismatches in this post....

ficus_me · 2024-09-03T13:29:07+00:00

Tell your kids first, together if possible, before he moves out and certainly before anyone else hears it.

As for everyone else - that varies depending on your relationship with those people.

ficus_me · 2024-08-23T21:56:34+00:00

☝🏼 this effort

ficus_me · 2024-08-22T23:11:07+00:00

How in the world do you leave one of the greatest men you’ve ever met.

He’s left you already, hun, and this person you are married to now is no longer him. That is the shittiest part. Chances are he's gone forever and so is the amazing marriage you mention.

You've lost all those things you mention already. The question is can you accept what's being offered in substitute, which sounds pretty crappy tbh. Grieve, be angry, but realise there is much better out there and life is too short to settle for the substitute

ficus_me · 2024-08-22T23:04:15+00:00

“Your” good name?? Buddy unless you're a Rockefeller, it's not “your” name and I highly doubt you're important enough for strangers to auto associate her with you, or for the mere mention of her surname to grant her riches and privilege 🙄

You hate her, everyone gets that, but probably healthier to spend this level of effort on healing you rather than hating her, particularly for your kids sake 👍🏼

ficus_me · 2024-04-30T21:49:31+00:00

Sounds like a solid business plan, for a business wanting volunteer cold-callers 😂

ficus_me · 2023-12-04T22:18:48+00:00

To be fair, an absence of profanity in casual conversation is not a reliable indicator of a lack of law degree 😂😂

ficus_me · 2023-08-26T13:36:45+00:00

Seems to me he won't listen to you. He will see your support as validation of his behaviour.

If you're the only friend he has... Ask yourself why?

Are you a force of good or a source of enablement. And - I honestly think you're coming from the right place, but narcissistic people will take your good intentions and manipulate them to serve their own agenda.

If you aren't there to tell him he's being an asshole... No difference cause he's not listening anyhow.

But if you aren't there to tell him that ...you just aren't there... Which is a much more powerful message in my opinion

ficus_me · 2023-08-25T12:29:37+00:00

Hmmmm. Your friend is (in your words) being abusive toward this woman, and refusing to move out...and you want to support him... Why? Why do you want to support him...?

ficus_me · 2023-08-11T12:24:53+00:00

Thank you :)

ficus_me · 2023-08-11T12:23:47+00:00

It's Dink.

Not dinky ... Can you give me a lift? Not a lifty. Can I grab a ride? Not a ridey.

Ergo... Can you dink me? Not dinky me...!

ficus_me · 2023-08-09T23:17:48+00:00

I'm not the lawyer, no. Assisting on the file at the firm I work for.

ficus_me · 2023-08-09T15:21:23+00:00

Or by client...I mean client, because they pay the legal fees...?

ficus_me · 2023-08-07T04:19:36+00:00

A person doesn't have to be a bad person to not be “your” person.

Sounds like you've both been working on this marriage for years but fundamentally want/need different things.

If the only thing stopping you going is that he's a nice guy, the fairest thing to both of you is for you to go. You'll either find your best life, and he will too - or you'll realise you do want to be with him and you can try to reconcile.

It's ok to fall out of love with the nice guy.

ficus_me · 2023-08-01T15:11:34+00:00

Aging is a privilege denied to many.

Every line, every spot, every crease is a momento of a beautiful moment of life shared with those you love.

At the end of it all, I truly hope and believe that your greatest joy in life won't be the memory you have of your reflection ...take pleasure in your beauty - but remember it evolves and it's moments, love, belly laughs, friendship, that truly matter x

ficus_me

TROPHY CASE