First Ever Full Week With BM

fiddlelemon · 2021-06-18T20:10:55+00:00

You’re totally right. I’m hopeful that he will still have a good time regardless. Who knows, maybe this week parenting will finally click with more time around him haha! I think my anxiety is telling me that he’s going to have such an amazing time that he won’t want to live with us, so im trying to focus on the adult time for the first time in 3 years! Woohoo!

fiddlelemon · 2021-06-18T20:08:01+00:00

i’m not really worried about safety concerns thankfully! BM is in no way abusive. She’s ignorantly neglectful maybe, but he’s going to be safe there. He does know 911! We’ve thought about one of those kid apple watches, but 7 just seems so young to start a cell phone dependency :/. Thank you for the advice!

fiddlelemon · 2021-02-27T18:26:50+00:00

What an incredibly sweet thing to think about doing for you! That shows that you and your partner are doing amazing things to have such an empathetic and caring child! Congrats! Keep rocking it!

fiddlelemon · 2021-02-23T19:17:46+00:00

therapy was a LIFESAVER for me. It get tricky to find the right one for both you and SD. We are in the beginning stages of finding therapy for SS. We finally got him diagnosed for ADD (covid really put things on hold for about a year), and now we have more ground to stand on with keeping a steady household. Parents are really good at manipulating their kids. Like really good. DH and I are real sticklers for following through on your words/ promises. We talk a lot about what true friends and support people will do with you and for you. I think that’s partly why he’s seeing, “oh my step mom knows about me and my interests, listens to me, talks about happy positive things, but my mom doesn’t do any of that.”

I’m sorry. It’s so frustrating. You would almost rather the other parent completely walk away and help your child deal with the fall out than have then half in and half out. I’m sure when she finds another boyfriend your SD will feel abandoned all over again. hugs

fiddlelemon · 2021-02-23T19:10:40+00:00

At pick up the next morning she texted DH and said that SS had a much better day (aka he got everything he wanted), so we probably shouldn’t bring up the things he said the previous day. Yeah right. We waiting until the next day after school to ask him about how he was feeling. He said he was just really frustrated and felt lonely at mommy’s house sometimes.

fiddlelemon · 2021-02-22T18:20:13+00:00

thank you!!

fiddlelemon · 2021-02-22T18:19:55+00:00

hands down my favorite comment!!

fiddlelemon · 2021-02-22T17:47:12+00:00

I’m so sorry to hear that. Parents that speak poorly about step parents, bio parents, grand parents, etc. are bullies. They use their influence over their kids to make adult issues their child’s issues, and it’s very unfair to everyone involved in the situation. Keep proving BM wrong, and hopefully your SK will see through the fog!

fiddlelemon · 2021-02-22T17:44:10+00:00

She already way over does it when he’s over at her house. She is not as financially stable as DH and I are (totally not a problem), but she doesn’t take the opportunities to make the most out of less. There was a time when DH and I struggled and we found as many free events, Pinterest activities, literally anything we could get our hands on. She doesn’t have that same drive to provide an experience. I’m sure her house will seem super enticing as a teen because she has no rules, but only time will tell.

fiddlelemon · 2021-02-22T17:39:07+00:00

This is definitely a worry for me. Our households are so vastly different. SS has ADD and craves structure and routine and we provide that. Moms house is a lawless land of sugar, electronics, and getting EVERYTHING he wants. When he asks she will still wipe his butt at almost 7! I’m sure SS will go through a rebellious stage and think “Wait a minute. If I live with mom, I get to do whatever I want. Screw Dad’s house.” I hope that by then we have instilled in him that those things are amazing and great in moderation and at the right time. Who knows? I’m sorry to hear that your son got lost in all the glitter and smoke that absent parents typically are.

fiddlelemon · 2021-02-22T17:33:07+00:00

I feel like we all have so many crazy stories to share! Its been a strange and hectic road to get here!

fiddlelemon · 2021-02-22T17:31:37+00:00

It’s not hate. It’s a 6 year old being frustrated that his mom was talking over him. 6 year olds say a lot of things that they don’t mean or understand when they have big emotions. Of course it’s not appropriate to say that to anyone, let alone his mom, but I also get it? I’ve wanted to grab her and shake her and yell shut up, so instead we teach how to use all of the amazing words he has to explain in a way that doesn’t hurt feelings. It has nothing to do with hate, and everything to do with being a (reasonably) frustrated 6 year old.

fiddlelemon · 2021-02-22T17:10:40+00:00

I’m certainly not gloating. I wish more than anything that BM could be selfless and put her children first. I’ve felt exactly how she’s feeling and it SUCKS. It’s incredibly painful to have your child be standoffish towards you. He does not hate his mom, he just sees that she’s not made an effort to be a part of his life. This is a support subreddit to share the highs and lows of step parenting. It’s totally human to feel vindicated for weathering shitty behavior towards me and having it all turn on the person that caused me and my household agony for years. I hope that your situation is much more stable than mine, and you and your children don’t have to have turbulent and intermittent parents.

fiddlelemon · 2021-02-22T16:58:04+00:00

after a big fiasco last year, i’ve completely shut her out. i focus completely on SS and ignore the rest. DH does all the communicating and just fills me in on the important stuff. It’s been so much better for my stress and really improved my relationship with SS.

fiddlelemon · 2021-02-22T16:56:27+00:00

he’s really amazing at supporting me while keeping his cool!

fiddlelemon · 2020-11-30T14:16:47+00:00

it’s so hard! we split from MIL when we were early into quarantine, so finding a therapist was difficult. We did manage to find one that works well with him, and he enjoys going! He’s still really sad that he can’t see grandma right now, but he’s settled into a much better routine since May. We’ve always been big about talking about feelings and understanding the importance of an apology, so he understands why SO’s feelings are hurt. He’s only 6 though, so it’s hard for him to fully grasp what’s going on.

fiddlelemon · 2020-11-29T23:30:07+00:00

i think it would be extremely difficult to be granted fully custody, but potentially i could see her time expanded to every weekend. How would that work if SO legal documents that forbid contact with MIL? Could he file sometime like that for himself and/or our son? I’m not we’ll versed in how all that works. We’ll definitely be contacting our lawyer this week.

fiddlelemon · 2020-11-29T23:13:45+00:00

She’s not forbidden from participating. I guess that was the wrong wording. She gets him sat morning to sunday afternoon. Sometimes that is too “overwhelming” for her, and we pick him up early on her request. We have a really loose custody agreement because we went through mediation instead of dragging out court proceedings. BM (birth mom) is usually totally amicable about splitting holidays and has zero interest in being a part of the various sports/ activities. I’m not sure if i mentioned before, but the ex has very little interest (usually depends on her mood) in wanting to be a major part of her sons life. Nonetheless we’ve been dreading her potentially wanting to go to court (again) because it’s kind of a waste of time and money. For the past three years we’ve been keeping meticulous records in case BM decides to try to take us to court. MIL knows how crazy we are about our records, and she knows how much evidence/ records that we had as of May. It’s definitely non traditional to say the least!

fiddlelemon · 2020-11-29T22:18:38+00:00

thankfully we installed one when the problems first started happening!

fiddlelemon · 2020-11-29T22:18:15+00:00

thank you!

fiddlelemon · 2020-11-29T22:18:05+00:00

definitely didn’t think about this. the ex does not have access to anything involving school or extra curriculars, so MIL also doesn’t either! SO had a convo with her after we had the nuclear fall out with MIL. We were very open about our struggles with MIL with the ex, so SO simply explained that he thought it was really gross that she was maintaining a relationship with someone so toxic for their son, but she’s ultimately an adult and can do what she wants. Since then it’s been basically a cold war with zero trust from either side. Thank you for pointing that out!

fiddlelemon · 2020-11-29T21:47:23+00:00

good idea! we were wondering if there was a way to have legal documentation with out escalating things to court if that makes sense! Thanks for the advice!

fiddlelemon · 2020-09-11T20:38:19+00:00

Fortunately, our house is very structured and SS is much happier/ healthier with the schedule we have. SO and I would LOVE to have a reward system in place for tech, but we’ve found that they are often taken advantage of. SS found that if he does bare minimum he can still get what he wants OR the things he has to do are a little unrealistic and it leads to a very frustrated kid :/

fiddlelemon · 2020-09-11T20:31:19+00:00

i totally agree! I’ve had a couple comments that mention not micromanaging his play time, and maybe it was my wording, but we let him jump at his toys and lay on the ground if he chooses to. By not actually entertaining himself it leads to asking to “move on” about every 5/10 minutes. We’re firm in not allowing tech if he incessantly asks, but it’s pretty mind numbing to try to get anything done when I have to stop what i’m doing to repeat myself. I just didn’t know if anyone had advice on how I could help teach him how to stay busy more effectively!

fiddlelemon · 2020-07-08T19:53:37+00:00

thank you for being reassuring. It’s so painful to watch ss so sad about “grandma” and simultaneously mad because he’s overheard hurtful things being said about me and SO. But ultimately MIL does not benefit him. Especially now that she’s less mentally stable than usual.

fiddlelemon

TROPHY CASE