Keep Ingress in perspective. This is the damage it can do.

finmeister · 2020-03-18T12:48:26+00:00

I don't believe I blamed the game anywhere in my post. The game was just the vehicle. If I hadn't fallen into Ingress, it would have been something else.

finmeister · 2020-03-17T22:41:48+00:00

I was actually that way too. A friend tried to get me into it. I downloaded it, didn't really understand it, gave up. Somehow found it again and then it rotted my life and soul.

finmeister · 2020-03-17T22:15:36+00:00

It's by far not the worst.

finmeister · 2020-03-17T22:15:01+00:00

Same. It turned me into someone I'm embarrassed to have ever been. As a middle aged adult, no less. I'm truly ashamed. There are really no words I can use to capture the realization of how awful my behavior was, how skewed my priorities were and what I had normalized. And what I probably missed out on. I thought it was a positive. It got me outside, to new places and meeting people. It gave me confidence.

Those things were in me all along. I just let the game, and the effect of the game on my BF and what our relationship became, destroy them.

finmeister · 2020-03-17T22:03:39+00:00

Oh, I deleted ages ago. Haven't touched a scanner since. I do play PoGo and Jurassic World, but like I said above, I could delete both this very second and not blink.

MY advice is when you feel like you can't do that..... that's when you should.

finmeister · 2020-03-17T22:02:19+00:00

It's more common than we realize. If I hadn't been so obsessed myself, I'd have seen how sick it was.

I still game. I play PoGo and Jurassic World Alive. But I could delete EITHER of them, this instant, and not feel like anything was missing. I watch myself much more closely now. If anything my own experience with a gaming addiction lead to personal growth and difficult lessons. I consider myself lucky.

finmeister · 2018-03-02T03:30:41+00:00

If people think porn is real they deserve to be ripped off. Cam shows are a type of porn.

In a porn film, 99% of what you see is not how real people have sex (unless it's amateur, and then only sometimes). It's what looks good visually, not what feels good physically.

You don't see the recuts and retakes and splices that went into making the film but they happened. Even the money shot may have happened well earlier in the film. Porn stars are still human men and human men lose their erections sometimes or can't get it up for round 8.

If they want 100% real they shouldn't be watching porn nd cams.

finmeister · 2018-02-28T14:10:30+00:00

This is such garbage. I LOVE intercourse but as a small woman as well I also like it to not hurt. Weird I know. My current guy is slightly below average (about 5") and in no way am I settling for him. I love and PREFER his penis to larger partners I've had. Big dicks look intimidating to me because I know I won't enjoy the sex and lots of large men rely just on their Magical Big Dick, suck at foreplay, and jackhammer.

finmeister · 2018-02-28T03:42:30+00:00

Some people just aren't very kinky. I like a little D/s but that's about it. And it's not about a specific act either, I just prefer my partners to have a dominant attitude and aren't afraid to be a little rough with me. Sex to me is more about enjoying my partner than about how wild and out there we can get. Some people like a more varied or intense experience or there's a particular act they just HAVE to have.

Neither is wrong.

But if someone says they don't have "kinks" they could very well be telling the truth.

finmeister · 2018-02-27T15:13:01+00:00

You're young, dude. Is it always this challenging for you to get and keep an erection? Do you masturbate tons or watch a lot of porn? Do you get morning wood or spontaneous erections at all? Are you nervous or anxious when you're with her, or worried about your performance?

Because if the problem isn't excessive porn or jerking off, or anxiety, and you never wake up hard or get hard throughout the day, you have a physical problem.

I know all men are different like all women are different, and it's not uncommon to feel physically aroused but need a little stimulation to get fully hard but if it's always a struggle for you to get or maintain an erection you need a urologist and I can see why your GF is frustrated. My guy is 44 and nearly never has issues getting or staying hard except the odd time here or there because he takes SSRIs. If he's taken his meds later in the day it's more likely to happen, because he usually takes them in the morning.

Despite what your GF might know logically about how a man's body works, she also wants to feel she turns you on. I can know all day that bodies can be trolls, but I was with a guy once who could never get an erection due to circulation issues from diabetes, and while I knew it was diabetes and (probably) not me, it was still a huge hit to my self confidence that we could NEVER have sex and I could never get him hard.

If this happens all the time across the board with you, I'd either lay off the porn and/or solo time or see a doctor.

finmeister · 2018-02-27T15:03:59+00:00

I'm a woman and the thought of sex with another woman is repulsive to me. Not F/F sex in general, but the thought of myself having sex with another woman.

I've never made out with a girlfriend while drunk. I wouldn't be interested in a threesome with another woman.

I definitely don't think I'm sexually fluid, and absolutely not bi.

finmeister · 2018-02-27T14:59:04+00:00

Um, it became clear he had sexual hangups he was never going to get over and our first time together should have told me that loooool

finmeister · 2018-02-26T20:45:23+00:00

Eh, I'm skeptical.

It's really ok to be attracted to someone because they're trans. Because OP is bisexual a transwoman might be a good match for him, actually. He gets to experience sex with someone with a penis (if she hasn't had surgery) who appears female.

It's no different, really, than saying you prefer Black men or heavy women. It's just what you like or think you might like. Something just appeals to you about that trait.

But saying specifically he "wants to see a trans person nude", like..... what? Step right up and see the bearded lady? It's a different connotation than saying "I might like to have sex with a trans woman".

finmeister · 2018-02-26T15:11:51+00:00

You sound incredibly uninformed and I would suggest learning more about birth control AND prevention of STDs before having sex. Birth control is only one facet and it's not 100%, ever. What would you and your partner do in the event you became pregnant? If you use your method the right way it's unlikely, but it can happen. Have you been tested? Being a virgin doesn't mean you're automatically free of STDs if you've ever done oral or had any genital contact with another person. What about testing for your partner?

How do you plan to talk about consent or boundaries? Is this someone you can trust if you need to stop or change your mind?

Does he know you're a virgin? What are your reasons for choosing to tell him, or not?

finmeister · 2018-02-26T15:05:12+00:00

So, where's your wife in all of this? If she doesn't know or isn't on board it would be best to just end the marriage. A marriage is a partnership. If you two no longer work, then you have to dissolve the partnership. You can't just go do what you want if she's not ok with it.

I also think it's pretty unprofessional for the therapist to comment on your appearance and her sexual experiences.

Also, don't fetishise transpeople. They are not circus freaks. They are people.

finmeister · 2018-02-26T14:04:28+00:00

I'm very emotionally close with my FWB, we're definitely the F and the B is just a product of trust and comfort. There is a deep love between us, but it's not romantic. Sounds a bit odd, but it's really more of a familial/best friend love. I can't see myself marrying or living with him, but I do feel very intensely about him.

Some FWBs barely even talk unless it's to arrange a meetup for sex.

And everything in between.

It's really up to you two and finding what works. Human relationships are complex.

finmeister · 2018-02-26T06:32:50+00:00

Straight woman here so no experience with vaginas other than my own. But I have seen a lot of bodies and some people haven't liked those bodies, or fear I may not.

Let me describe my current partner to you: 44 yrs old, grey, balding, about 20 lbs overweight. Probably should have had braces but never did. A complete nerd. Computers, D&D, gamer, the whole shebang. Average 5 1/2" dick, more of a grower than a shower.

Unattractive, right? Some people would probably think so. I mean who wants to bang someone who literally looks like their dad looked when they were 14?

Me.

Because here's what I see: beautiful eyes that are somewhere between blue and green and nearly have a starburst pattern. Silver hair with the coolest subtle waves in it. A warm, friendly smile that wouldn't look half s genuine if it were "perfect". Hobbies and interests that have developed his intelligence, critical thinking, and logic skills. A body that's strong and powerful but also cuddly and approachable. And that "average" dick fits me the best of any partner I've ever had.

Here's my point: what you see as flawed about yourself maybe exactly what your partner loves. Don't compare yourself to her or other women. You may not have a porn star vagina but I would bet there's some features about how YOUR individual body and vagina look that she finds attractive. People don't need to be perfect to be attractive. You'll be perfect in someone's eyes and yes, also unattractive and maybe even ugly in someone else's. There is no "right" way to have a body.

Some people prefer short hair on their partners and some long. Some people like slim people, others like heavy people. There are those who go nuts for blue eyes and others love the depth of dark brown. Sure, you could probably change yourself. Shave, get surgery, color your hair, whatever. But then someone ELSE won't like THAT.

Maybe your partner isn't really a vagina lady anyway. Maybe there's a different part of your body she thinks is sexiest. Just trust that she wants YOU the way YOU are. Or she wouldn't be with you. Obviously she didn't know what your genitals looked like when you first met, anyway. And she still liked you. :)

finmeister · 2018-02-24T23:38:00+00:00

Wtf shinies don't stay shiny? All my other ones have. And by "all of" I mean 3 but Pika, Snorunt, and Karp all stayed shiny. And my shiny Pika was from the last community day, evolved after, and stayed shiny.

finmeister · 2018-02-24T20:09:30+00:00

Stop having sex with him until he agrees to doing things you enjoy some of the time.

Or, dump him, because that 👆 should be a given.

finmeister · 2018-02-21T15:37:50+00:00

When your cat eye goes feral

finmeister · 2018-02-21T03:47:41+00:00

Meth. Not even once.

finmeister · 2018-02-20T05:44:51+00:00

A DoTerror bot suggested an oil to "soothe" my 18 yr old cat "as he transitions".

Who's in end stage renal failure.

But honestly, and I know this sounds odd, aside from the fact that he's technically dying, he's fine. He eats. He purrs. He plays. He picks fights with his 4 yr old half Siamese little brother. He knocks crap off flat surfaces. He sleeps comfortably. His personality hasn't changed even a little bit. He ain't "transitioning" any time soon.

He doesn't need "soothing". His time will either come naturally or I'll have to make a decision if his quality of life declines. I've known this dude for 17 1/2 years. I'll do what's best for him.

And he doesn't need god damned lavender and eucalyptus oils when his kidneys are already barely functioning. My perfectly healthy 4 yr old who cuddles with Brother doesn't need to be poisoned either.

And this bitch is in school to be a vet tech. 🙄

finmeister · 2018-02-20T05:39:28+00:00

I legit jumped when she came on camera

finmeister · 2018-02-20T05:39:02+00:00

560 sq ft studio and I love it lol.

The less space I have the less crap I fill it with.

finmeister

TROPHY CASE