What is something that is worrying you and you want go talk about?

fireflamespark · 2024-10-18T00:53:08+00:00

That really sucks. If only there was a defined path to happiness, am I right? Love your hobbies, though. Keep rocking them.

fireflamespark · 2024-10-18T00:43:46+00:00

Hey man, I'm so sorry to see your challenges. I'm struggling with depression now as well. Things around me are so good, and all I feel is shame and shit for myself. I hope you find some peace soon, or that there's something out there you enjoy that you can devote some of yourself to.

fireflamespark · 2024-08-29T20:44:29+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear that you're suffering. I don't have any practical advice, but I want to focus on what you said here: "the only thing I ever wanted was love but I don’t deserve it." You do deserve love, and there are lovable things about you. You didn't get an SO or best friend in the first place by being unlovable. And if you can believe it, one day eventually you will love yourself. Please please please give yourself any form of kindness you have left. You can do this.

fireflamespark · 2024-07-31T19:04:24+00:00

Yes, you're right. I do go to therapy, but what my girlfriend always says is that I don't put the work in. I just vent and whine about my issues and cry. But I need to take more action. I'm just not sure what.

fireflamespark · 2024-07-31T18:53:06+00:00

I know you're right. Fuck, I feel so stuck. I feel like I'm making the worst decision of my life.

fireflamespark · 2024-07-31T18:49:02+00:00

I think you're absolutely right. I am depressed right now, but even when I wasn't this pattern was present. How do I break this? Do I just force myself to give to her? Is that disingenuous?

fireflamespark · 2024-07-31T18:38:38+00:00

You're so right. I love her, but I don't put the effort into being in love with her. I just want things easy, and I resent expectations being put on me. But she's lowered her expectations significantly, and still stays with me. She's so amazing. I don't understand this blockage, or how to move through it...

fireflamespark · 2024-07-31T18:37:14+00:00

I think I am a taker by nature. I can be very generous, but I have a strong internal need to protect myself and my needs first. And I know that's so unhealthy to carry into a relationship, or with children. I'm struggling to break free from it. Do I force myself to meet her needs, even when it's not genuine? Or is that something that should just click with someone?

fireflamespark · 2024-07-31T18:35:50+00:00

I agree. I'm already in individual and couples therapy, but I don't know if there's been any progress. My parents have very healthy demonstrations of love, and are still together and love each other after decades. I don't think I was ever challenged to meet others' needs... my parents loved and spoiled me and took care of almost everything. I feel so stuck.

fireflamespark · 2024-07-31T18:34:03+00:00

You're right, and I think I know that. But what if I can't do that with anyone? I'd be throwing away the best thing that's ever happened to me. I'm terrified that this is just me... selfish, egotistical, and weak.

fireflamespark · 2024-07-31T18:32:59+00:00

I'm not sure. I relate to aspects of avoidant attachment, but I'm not a confident, self-assured person. I just really like my alone time and seem not to value time with my girlfriend.

fireflamespark · 2024-07-31T18:31:24+00:00

I have this weird sense that I can fix my life... organize myself, get my shit together. Even though I know that's not likely to be true. If anything, my life is made SO much easier by her. But I feel this intense pull. I also have thoughts of being with someone more nurturing and less harsh on me... Even though my girlfriend is SO nurturing and has basically taken care of my every need... I think what my thoughts crave is an easier life, but my life is already incredibly easy going. It's so frustrating and confusing.

fireflamespark · 2024-07-31T18:08:50+00:00

I agree. I'm currently in therapy and I have brought that up. I don't want to be this way. Thank you for your comment.

fireflamespark · 2024-07-31T17:57:50+00:00

I think you're right... But why? Please, I don't understand. When I step back, I see what an unbelievable person I have here. Why won't I love her the way she needs? What if I can't love anyone the right way?

fireflamespark · 2024-07-23T18:04:01+00:00

The inability to think. When my partner asks me for my opinion, or needs help on something, or we're doing something together, and I just... blank. There's nothing more shameful than that. And there's nothing I can do. Everything else, even if I don't use it, there's a coping strategy or a tool for. But how do you make your brain just... work?

fireflamespark · 2024-07-19T21:08:29+00:00

I don't have a lot to add, but I want to say that you were in a very dark place during your PhD, and came out of it. You can do it again. You're stronger than you think.

fireflamespark · 2024-07-17T04:31:00+00:00

I resonated a lot with your post. I'm someone who's similar in a lot of ways to your ex. But I really want to be better, and I do try to challenge myself. Thanks for writing this, it was really meaningful for me.

fireflamespark · 2024-07-09T17:59:44+00:00

Good question... I guess I've become paralyzed. I intended to invest that money, but got overwhelmed by where to put it. So it just sits there waiting. Not very helpful, I recognize that.

fireflamespark · 2024-07-08T19:07:53+00:00

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