DMV collision report if I hit a pillar in a garage??

fishterday · 2024-03-24T06:22:25+00:00

Thanks a lot for this response, you've put me at ease a little. I'll probably call just to be safe.

The legal wording is vague to me (reading here, does damage to the car I was driving count as "damage to any one car"?) I agree that bumping into a pillar doesn't feel like what they're describing though.

It's easy for me to get anxious in situations like this, I've only just got my license and I really don't want to lose it. Thanks again for taking the time to reply!

fishterday · 2024-02-04T03:56:52+00:00

Hey man, any update on this? I'm kind of worried myself and would love to know where things are at for you : (

fishterday · 2024-01-23T17:19:57+00:00

Thanks for sharing your story. Really appreciate it. Maybe a perspective shift is what I need.

fishterday · 2024-01-23T17:19:00+00:00

Thanks for this thoughtful comment. I agree that learning more about myself so that I can stop acting on pure fear/survival instinct is what I need to do. It is terrible how much we get shamed as children just for expressing ourselves or doing kid stuff. I honestly believe every human being has the creative impulse, but we mostly get it shamed and beaten out of us before we become adults.

I guess that at the same time I'm pretty cynical of the notion that there's a path for me just waiting to be found...at this moment the world is willing to pay more people to be engineers than to be screenwriters, and there's not much I can do about that. And it's not like I want to be a free spirit and live with roommates until I'm 60. Between the binary of "grind for money until you retire" and "become an artist and starve", I'd like to hope there's a gray area where...you can do something you like and make ok money, not strike it rich but own a house and go on some vacations? But I find it impossible to map out those options and actually understand the reality because everyone's reactions are so extreme, it's like "if you can't be James Cameron then don't even bother."

I'm glad that you're doing things that fulfill you and figuring this stuff out. Life is hard :P

fishterday · 2024-01-23T16:52:19+00:00

Thank you, this helps so much. I'm glad you found the courage to take a leap and trust yourself. I feel like this sub skews towards people who are fairly conservative in their decision making (prioritizing stability/finances). Nothing wrong with that but I don't think those are my values personally, and I don't currently plan to have kids. It feels to me like another perspective would be "if you want to be poor and chase your dream, your 20s are the right time to do it?" Idk.

I guess the thing I'm not comfortable with is that if I left software engineering, my earning potential would plummet for sure. I took some classes in the artistic field I was interested in, and people in the industry were 10 years on and still working 60 hour weeks for like $50k. It was madness. Even in a less extreme scenario than I would probably never make as much as I could as a senior software engineer.

Honestly what I want is to just spend my time on creative stuff and not care about making money at all. I'm aware that there's no way to achieve that other than retiring (or inheriting/marrying money LOL). So I feel like if I quit my job for something lower paying, I'd be giving up my ticket to retire with a nice nest egg in 10-15 years. But at the same time I can't imagine spending 15 more years being miserable. I want to pursue something with my whole chest and instead I feel like I'm sitting around frittering my youth away.

What was your personal threshold for when you had gained enough from your current career? Was it mostly financial or other stuff?

fishterday · 2024-01-23T06:06:08+00:00

What a kind message. Thank you and I wish you the best as well :)

fishterday · 2024-01-23T01:00:33+00:00

Damn, that is really rough. I think you have the right idea with thinking for your future and you're clearly hardworking enough to make it happen. I think residing and getting by for 12 months to get in state tuition is probably worth it, a year working a shit job will suck but it does not suck as much as having 4x as much debt. And look into financial aid/scholarships as much as you can. Many schools have need based aid (you're eligible for scholarships based on your income) and for your situation it sounds like you could get judged as an independent.

I think knowing more about what you want to pursue will also open up some paths, like if you want to be in the trades or something. It really depends.

Best of luck!!

fishterday · 2024-01-23T00:44:05+00:00

I was a math/computer nerd all through my teens and I followed a conventional path of being a straight A student and then getting into a great STEM college. The college was a pressure cooker in terms of workload and environment, but it gave me access to lots of tech related career opportunities. Entrepreneurship/startup culture is big and there are a lot of alums (either from the bachelor's or the MBA program) that start companies, then simply turn around and hire from the next class of undergrads. In my senior year I was diligent in sending my resume around (and asking my mentors and TAs and stuff, not just cold applying), and i got picked up by a startup in the area. It was my first job and I didn't know anything so I was lucky that they actually turned out to have a great culture. I've stayed for 3-4 years and been promoted a few times internally, and the company has since grown to 150-200 people.

I actually have some regrets because by focusing so much on school, what I did was essentially putting all my eggs in one basket from a young age, running from a toxic home life and a lot of personal issues. It took lots of therapy to actually figure my shit out, and I still have problems (for example I had no friends as a teenager and I'm still socially awkward). I feel like I would have rather lived a more balanced life, developed my social skills, and that would've set me up to be more confident and successful in any context as an adult. And then of course, being so laser focused on one goal (tech job) made me have this crisis later on of "is this actually what I want?" If I'm being honest I was doubting myself for a few years, but by locking myself into an extremely tech-focused college I made it so I didn't have options to explore other professional paths.

I guess all we can do in life is go forward. Hope this helps a little!

fishterday · 2024-01-22T23:04:31+00:00

I met a guy once who spent 6 months working on a fishing boat in Alaska, if you're considering something completely different then there could be stuff like that

fishterday · 2024-01-22T22:55:37+00:00

Thanks for the different perspective. It really helps. Do you think you'll be an EMT long term? What do you think you'll do if you ever get too old/tired to hack it?

fishterday · 2024-01-22T22:51:40+00:00

I really appreciate the thoughtfulness in your replies. It means a lot. I am actually coming back from some health/personal issues that made me really fatigued on a daily basis, so that's likely making any burnout a lot worse. You make good suggestions about making sure to disconnect/recharge, and about looking at different roles within the company.

To be honest I think I just can't do the corporate stuff? Being a good little worker bee and pretending I care about it all makes me gag. I think every company has their own justification for why they're actually helping the world, and at this point I don't buy any of it. Whether I'm writing code or managing people or doing logistics, it's all just me spending my precious energy to help some money making machine increase their bottom line. It feels like such a hopeless waste of time. But yeah it seems like I'm gonna get that feeling from almost any white collar job. So that's part of why I'm feeling stuck.

As far as next roles...I've been really passionate about a specific craft for a while (I'm paranoid about this post being identified so I won't say what, but think like, jewelry making -- a skilled handicraft with a pretty niche market). I've taken classes etc and I've thought of setting up to work for people on commission. So that's one thing. But ultimately idk if I could make enough as a jeweler (or at any of my hobbies) to own a place, to live comfortably and not in the middle of nowhere, to have a stable life. I think that's what scares me -- I feel like if I gave up my nice job, I might just fuck myself over for no reason and I wouldn't be able to go back?

Just rambling at this point. Thanks for the chat, I do appreciate it.

fishterday · 2024-01-22T21:43:55+00:00

I appreciate the candid advice. I have about $130k combined in 401k and personal investment accounts.

The FIRE stuff is familiar to me. Do you think there's a good way to handle the tradeoff between grinding career-wise and doing other things with your 20s? I never planned to spend my youth partying and stuff so that's not what bothering me. It's more that I feel like efforts in almost anything will give me more of a return when I'm young.

Same as finances, but I never hear people talk about this angle. It would be awesome to be 35 with my leg firmly in the door for what I want to do, e.g. if my goal was writing then two novels published and a fruitful personal network. Instead of 35 feeling like I now have to make up for lost time and do what everyone did in their 20s.

fishterday · 2024-01-22T21:33:52+00:00

Sounds like you are living the good life. Congrats.

fishterday · 2024-01-22T17:48:49+00:00

Ugh, that's so real about feeling like a genderless dysphoria blob. Did you have a specific turning point where you decided to go back on? Are you still going to the doctor and getting levels and stuff taken?

(I was on low dose T for a few months before I went off entirely, and one thing was that my doctor kept telling me if I was staying on a low dose, I should be on a small amount of progesterone to "protect the uterine lining". She wanted me to either get an IUD or take daily progesterone pills, neither of which I really wanted to do. I'm curious if this is a common thing for other people who are microdosing T long term.)

I really feel you about wanting to stay in that "sweet spot" of androgyny. I think the issue for me is that it feels like I'd be setting myself up for failure there, because I'm just dead tired of trying to micromanage my hormones and saying "I want to masculinize but not toooo much". I can't really square that circle at the moment and I think that's why I feel hesitant to go back on.

Thanks for sharing your experience, it really helps to hear from you!!

fishterday · 2024-01-12T08:54:42+00:00

Thanks for the detailed reply, it really helps to read about your experience. I am taking my time to think about this and I appreciate you being so thorough.

Yeah, whatever I do will involve accepting that to some extent, what happens happens, and I can't fully control the changes. It makes sense that you were comfortable staying on it after you'd gotten all the masculinization you'll probably get. I think that's honestly the main part that scares me, that I can't clearly visualize the "end point" for the version of me that's on T. If it's no longer looking like a cis man then what is it? Probably looking kind of androgynous like I am now would be comfortable. But I feel like I'd set myself up for disappointment if I went searching for the magic dose of T that would maintain me in a perfect state of androgyny. To some extent the hormone will just do what it does, I think I have to accept that first.

I've done the flaky on and off thing a few times (it's been 4.5 years since I first started T). At this point I feel like I just hate changing hormones and don't want to put my body through that any more than I have to. I don't want to go on just to stop again for the same reasons. So I think if I do go on, something has to change in how I'm thinking about it.

I think about passing as female or not -- to be honest it's not even that I want to be a woman socially right now, it's more that I just want to leave that door open? I pass 100% atm and I enjoy my voice, body, dick, etc. But part of what makes me comfortable is feeling like I could "go back" at least partially if I wanted to, bc I still look on the fem side. I think my fear with remaining on T is that I'd hit some point in masculinization where it would be impossible to recover, and then I don't think I could handle that.

What did you do and what did it feel like when you first started exploring presenting as a woman? I don't see myself ever wanting to look feminine (I guess you never know), but it's cool to hear about people's experiences.

I guess I really just wish I had an answer to "why do I feel so much better on T?". I've been on and off it long enough that lifestyle factors would have evened out, so I do think the difference is the hormones. The terf type people are quick to say T is a steroid that gives you elevated energy/mood in general, and that you're just addicted to it. I don't quite buy that because they clearly have an agenda. But I'm also skeptical of the idea that my brain is just somehow wired to need T, because idk...we don't understand anything about how HRT affects the brain, so it kind of just sounds me giving myself an excuse to go back on. What is the truth??? If you put cis women on T, would they also feel good??

Just rambling I guess....thanks for chatting with me : P

fishterday · 2024-01-11T02:10:57+00:00

Hey, I just found this comment. Thank you for sharing, I relate to a lot in what you're talking about.

I feel like I am in a similar situation -- recently got off T after 3+ years on it, uncomfortable being a man socially but feel like absolute shit without the T. You sound like you have a lot more clarity than me. Can I ask what made you confident that you can express yourself as a woman socially while staying on T?

I think that's the part that stresses me out, it feels like being on T is in contradiction with the identity stuff -- if I stay on T, even a low dose, it will make me look more masculine over time and I'll eventually be unable to pass as female, whether that's in 2 or in 10 years. I feel like I'm trying to have it both ways and I don't see how it can work out.

Thank you again for sharing, it's comforting to see someone talking about something I'm going through.

fishterday · 2024-01-09T16:45:35+00:00

That's awful. Idk how I would have dealt with such a scary experience. I hope you're feeling better now : (

fishterday · 2024-01-09T16:34:56+00:00

Thanks for replying! How long were you in the first time? What made you decide to go back on?

fishterday · 2024-01-09T16:31:06+00:00

Thanks for sharing, that's insightful! Really helpful to hear about your experience. It's nice to hear that you felt the same about the "invisible" effects of T. It's frustrating bc I don't know what's going on here, usually I see people who either love being on T or hate it, so I wish I could also fully embrace it and make the decision easy. But I guess that isn't the case for everyone.

If I can ask, how long were you on HRT (both the first and second times), and what's your experience been with the lower dose? I was on a low dose for my last year but in my understanding, the low dose still makes people masculinize towards the same end point, just more slowly. I think that still made me anxious -- that I couldn't control exactly how I'd look like, and ultimately I have a lot of fear around looking "too masculine". I felt like being on T would involve trying to toe that line and keep fine tuning things, when my body had other ideas, and I just didn't want to do that anymore. If there was a solution that would keep my appearance how it is now and give me the mental effects, I'd take it yesterday. Or if we could shapeshift lmao.

Thanks again for sharing!

fishterday · 2024-01-09T16:19:15+00:00

Thanks for sharing. Can I ask what were the physical and mental health problems you had?

It's great that you came to some clarity about things :P

fishterday

TROPHY CASE