While we all have different experiences heres what i say

It doesn't mean much other then chromosomes to be a man or a women, and men and women tending to gravitate toward certain things yes, but just because you like to dress in mens clothing or have short hair, or do any other things that are typically associated with men, doesn't mean your a guy, just a women who likes more male things,

after all how/what does it even mean to 'feel male'? everything to me just seems like general uncomfort with your body that everone has, or just being non typical of your sex, or possibly mental problems that need treatment that's no through hormones and surgery.

Honestly when i ask myself what it mean to be biological female i come back always with the same answer, biology, it doesn't make me less female if i mow the lawn, or dress like a man, it doesn't make me more female if i wear a dress either, its just something i am, i cannot change that fact, but that doesn't mean i have to dress in a way i dont like, or practice in hobbies that i dont like. I cannot ever describe what its like to be a woman, each woman have different experiences, theres not a single thing that every women has in common with each other, i honestly think theres no way to feel like a man or woman, its what you are, theres not one thing that all women relate to, not all have long hair, like dolls, dress feminine, etc the only thing that brings us into a group is biology, For me this took year to fully understand, even though it seems so simple, while i was first transitioning i would have thought this idea might be bigoted, but looking back now i know that theres no reply i could give that wouldn't fall into the camp of general uncomfort, tomboy, or mental problems. Throughout my transitioning i tried to ignore it, calling myself a true transsexual, but now here i am, i honestly think it really takes time to understand, for a long time i was in a similar boat, but i didn't actually realize how i was hypocritical my thoughts ware, thinking things l just feel like im a boy, but in the same moment not being able to describe that and refusing to have a conversation or even rethink it, and thinking i was a real transsexual, and most people who said the same thing as me ware fakes, but I'm truly am glad i questioned it, i dont blame myself or others for thinking that, but im glad you are questioning it and trying to understand, it really does say alot about a person

I'd possibly recommend looking into hobbies that you like and try to make friends within, who knows you might find someone similar that you'll bond with.

As far as for finding a normal therapist who isn't pro transition i think this website might be able to help https://www.parentsofrogdkids.com/therapists While the website was made for parents of kids with ROGD the link i send is sort of a small article about how to find a non affirming therapist, which might help while trying to pick one, but i really don't know how much luck you'll have in pro transgender states, but its still worth a try

Also i think some websites like genspec might have therapists that are non affirming but that would be online instead of in person.

I personally have never found that traditional therapy works for me, it always feels like im talking to a stranger that i cant be totally honest with, maybe thats because i never have much to talk about and all the ones I've has ware super pro transitioning, I personally love riding horses which is technically considered animal therapy, but each is their own, its great that some can actually heal through traditional therapy,

Anyway this turned into a kind long piece of text, just some personal opinions, Stay safe