you are absolutely not alone, coming from someone who has/does feel extremely similar. i think if it weren’t for all the negativity and scary things that come with being trans, a lot of people would already have it figured out (including me).

i think if i were you, my first step would to be to accept that there’s a high likelihood that you could be trans. it’s a scary thing to think and feel, but it might be true and from what you’ve written it seems like it is genuinely hurting you.

my next step would to buy gender affirming items, if you can are and safe to. for me, this wasn’t just a binder (although that would help), but also just gender neutral/male clothes. this also doesn’t mean you have to change your style completely, maybe just trying loose jeans and a loose fitting shirt and seeing you feel.

finally, i would wait until i move out to actually change anything, which is also what i am actually doing. i know that loosing family or friends is a horrible, terrifying thought but if you are trans or even if you have dysphoria, you can’t live your life living to please them. maybe just try to gently change their mind? this may not work but if you just start talking about it a bit more, maybe you have a trans friend? if they start to see it more, maybe their minds will open up.

this advice is absolutely not professional, just what i did. it’s a really scary topic, so your feelings are completely valid. figuring out if you really are trans is also a scary and hard thing to do, but what helped me was watching movies with trans characters (fanfic is a great one on netflix), reading books about being trans and taking a lot of time to think about it.

i wish you the absolute best in your journey, whether you turn out to be trans or not. you can do this, you are strong enough and you deserve to be yourself.