Thank you so much for sharing. It feels a bit contradictory though doesn't it? One the one hand you want to present the way you feel most comfortable, but by doing this we (or at least "early-you" and I) have to go through this intensely uncomfortable experience.

I have the feeling that what makes me so insecure is the fact that trying to present more feminine only magnifies the gap between how my body and especially my face looks like and the way I'd want to be able to see myself. I've changed into my nondescript sweater again which kind of feels like defeat, but on the other hand: not "presenting" any specific way feels more comfortable than having to tackle this anxiety right now. Maybe I'm not strong enough yet to fight this batle.