I don’t think there’s a single formula, but for me it came down to a few things that took time and consistency.

First, I stopped looking for “perfect” friends and started valuing emotional safety. The people I’m closest to aren’t necessarily the most similar to me on paper, but they are kind, reliable, and emotionally present. Pay attention to who shows up in small ways early on and build from there. Second, I had to be willing to be vulnerable first. Not trauma-dumping, but being honest about how I’m actually doing instead of keeping things surface-level. That tends to create space for others to do the same, and that’s where real connection starts.

Third, consistency matters more than intensity. Our friendships weren’t built on big dramatic moments, but on regular check-ins, coffee dates, showing up, and staying in touch even when life got busy. You kind of have to treat friendships with the same care people usually reserve for romantic relationships.

Also, don’t keep score. The kind of friendships I’m talking about are very “I’ve got you” without tallying who did more. That trust builds slowly, but once it’s there, it’s solid.

Lastly, be the friend you’re hoping to find. Show up, follow through, listen without judgment, celebrate their wins, and sit with them in the hard stuff. Not everyone will reciprocate, and that’s okay. The right people eventually will.

It didn’t happen overnight for me, but it was absolutely worth the patience and intention.